REBUILD: More Life Lessons & Things I Think Are Dumb

So today was my first day of work at my 2nd job. As I watched videos and filled out paperwork I couldn't understand what happened with my efforts. If I could walk up to a job and get one, well, get two, then why aren't the women I'm trying to help getting them?



I had to sit down and really think about the women that I've met since I've been homeless. I had to evaluate my own attitudes and I had to replay the many conversations that I've had. I came up with 7 obstacles that hold women back from rebuilding their lives.

1. Depression
2. Lack of confidence
3. Lack of support
4. Lack of direction
5. Poor coping skills for stress
6. Criminal backgrounds
7. Concern For Safety



I decided to try to come up with solutions for them in hopes that women will recognize what they are lacking and be able to become unstuck. I swear, I sure do wish I had videos like these back when I was feeling like a victim and I hated myself every day.

What IS the difference between myself and the women I meet who can't find work? Is it the type of work we're looking for? I mean, I have two jobs as a server (waitress) so the jobs aren't that different. I think it's in our mentality.

I believe that I can move up and change my life and I present myself as such. So now I have to figure out how to help shift the beliefs of women. How can I awaken them?

Maybe my hopes to help women are a little bit self serving. Now that I think about it, if more women woke up and rose to stand in their power, I wouldn't feel like such a freak because I KNOW that my life is worth something and I LOVE being my best in every situation I encounter and I am not AFRAID TO SHINE!

I want other women to shine with me. It's lonely sitting in the clouds by myself. I want to meet other women who love to shine and be their best all the time and aren't worried about sabotoging others or being fake and phony to climb to the top. These women already know they ARE the top, they're the best of the crop and they don't have to do anything but open their eyes and they already won.

I want to meet women like that. That's how I am in my mind. I try not to focus on fighting the fights that I can't fight. Why sit there and point out every horrible thing about the world when you can't do anything about it afterwards?

That's dumb.

I talk about things I can take action towards. I connect with women who want a real connection. Phony people hate me. Average people hate me more. I don't hate anyone because I'm too into my own little world to put that much effort into someone else's petty behaviour.

Which brings me to my work situation.

Hmmm.

One lady already came up to me at Denny's questioning me about my past. I was disgusted. I hate that shit. We're at work to WORK. Ewww. It's not like she was asking me what I like to do or what I hope to turn my life into. That chick was straight up asking me what I didn't like about my last job and all kind of negative crap and I had to stop her and say, "I just don't like when people at work come up to me talking about things that don't happen at WORK."

"Ok! I get it!" she said and jumped up, leaving the break room.

I hope she got it. I don't have time for that gossip shit. I'm the one who is usually gossiped ABOUT - I don't have time to listen to it too. They'll talk about me for the rest of their lives probably but I don't care, I'll be on to other things. If I had a dollar for everytime someone at one of my jobs said, "We were just talking about you yesterday," you know- I could buy a car right now.

It doesn't matter. I'm not that easy to get along with, basically because I see things differently. I don't follow the crowd. I don't like going along with the leader at work just so I can fit in. Fit in to WHAT? I'm not a follower. I don't wanna go to lunch. I don't wanna hang out on the weekend. I do care if you need a ride or are sad or in need but all the rest of that- you can have it. I have too much other stuff to think about. That's why most co workers don't like me. I don't play any of the social games required to be "liked" at work and I won't cuz it's dumb and I'm not THAT good of an actress to act phony all day.

So here's my video on releasing shame. I made it last night and I posted it today and I had a fit when I posted it because it has some WILD stuff on there but - man- it's just- fuck it.



Basically. I'm tired of having anxiety because I'm afraid to reveal who i am to people. I KNOW that my anxiety comes from being afraid to show my real self because I am always misunderstood and people become so ANGRY with me when I won't go play with them and hang with them. I never treat people badly but people get so ANGRY with me all the time because I won't join in their social activities but that's because I'm over getting drunk and high all the time. I don't watch TV- it's dumb. I don't listen to music for fun - Erykah Badu is for relaxation, Kanye for inspiration. I don't talk about pop culture because I don't care who won the game or American Idol. I don't even care about what happens on the news. It all seems to be about- Who died today and in what crazy way? I'm not entertained by misery.

See? Who'd want to talk to me. I'm no fun.

No fun, but I'm FREE.

sike. I'm a little nervous about putting myself out there like that but hell, it's done. I have to keep working.

That's what I'll do. No matter if it seems that no one is watching. Even if it seems that no one cares. Even if only one woman watches my videos, I'm going to keep making them until I think I'm done.

I'm just doing my part to help. For some reason, I feel like it's my responsibility. You can talk shit about me if you'd like.

Oh well.

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How To End An Abusive Relationship

By Te-Erika Patterson


It can be confusing to admit to yourself that you are in an abusive relationship. You may be thinking that you deserve the treatment and if you could just be better it would stop. The truth is, your abuser is only doing what you allow him to do. You have the control. When you are ready for it to stop, it will.



Signs You Are Ready To Stop The Abuse

• You begin to wonder why your abuser is treating you this way.
• You begin to fantasize about leaving.
• You realize that you don’t deserve this treatment.
• You start to notice and admire others who have supportive, healthy relationships.

Everything that you see, that is good, that is peaceful, that is right, is available to you as well. It won’t come if you stay where you are. YOU have to make the change and deal with the consequences. The struggle will not last forever. The beginning is the struggle, the breakthrough is the commencement of the evolution away from your current state and your final resting place will be peace.

You can not change your abuser. You can not make them stop. They have gotten into a habit of treating you this way because you accepted it once, twice and many more times. To change the behavior would take a complete remaking of your relationship. A counselor can not help you, only you can.

You have to let your abuser know that this behavior is unacceptable. This is not about words or threats, this is about taking action. You must leave this situation immediately. Breaking all ties is the only way. Even if you desire to be with this person again, it will never be what you want it to be if you do not break the cycle now. You can not force the healing process.

Your abuser will have to undergo his own personal transformation, on his own terms, in order for things to be different. Do not stop your life waiting for him because there are so many ways that you are going to grow during this period and focusing/praying for his recovery will stunt that growth. You are responsible for yourself. You are only responsible for your own growth. This will not be your last chance for love.

To get help with moving on from this abusive relationship physically, you can find information on this Violence Against Women page.

There IS help available. I used it once when I needed to get away and I received a grant to change residences.

Take a deep breath. Recognize that this is a defining moment in your life and fight through your fears right now. Move forward. Your peaceful life is waiting. You won't be a victim for long.

For My Savvy Sisters: Were you ever in an abusive relationship? How did you get out? What is your life like now?

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Your World News Report - June 15, 2011

Another Blow for Al-Qaeda; Fazul Abullah Mohammed Shot and Killed

Fazul Abdullah Mohammed was reported shot and killed by Somali Transitional Federal Government forces in Mogadishu, a city in Somalia. Mohammed was one of Al-Qaeda top militant in Africa --a bounty of $5 million was declared for his capture. Mohammed was suspected to be responsible for the US Embassy bombing in East Africa in 1998. An official was reported in saying "Fazul Abdullah Mohammed's death removes one of the terrorist group's most experienced operational planners in East Africa and has almost certainly set back operations."

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32 Members of Anonymous Hacker Group Arrested

32 people have been arrested in Turkey who is suspected members of the infamous hacker group Anonymous. The group is well known in Turkey for their disapproval against the government intentions to establish up a national net filtering system. Anonymous is allegedly responsible for hacking into the Turkish directorate of telecommunications. Anonymous showed their disapproval by shutting down Turkish governmental websites.

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President Obama Visits Puerto Rico

President Obama made a rare historic presidential visit to Puerto Rico on Tuesday—the last official president to visit Puerto Rico was President Kennedy 50 years ago. President Obama’s visit is suspected to help him with Latino voters in the 2012 Presidential Elections -- even though Puerto Rican American Citizens living in Puerto Rico who are not allowed to vote in the U.S. Presidential Election; however, there are more than 5 million who reside in the US that are registered voters. President Obama addressed a large crowd then attended a Democratic National Committee event prior to heading back to Washington.

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Republican Candidates Presidential Debate

The second presidential republican debate was held on Monday night in New Hampshire among those in attendance was Former Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty, Newt Gingrich former Speaker of the House, Former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum, Representative Ron Paul of Texas, Herman Cain former CEO of Godfather’s Pizza, Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney, and Tea Party candidate Representative Michelle Bachman of Minnesota. Michelle Bachman officially announced on during the debate that she officially filed papers to run president in the 2012 debate. Political analysts are awarding Mitt Romney and Michelle Bachman winners of the second debate. Officials are also stating that more candidates may announce their candidacy.

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REBUILD: Running On 'E'

I'm tired.

I started my job at Denny's today. I worked there a few years ago and it was an awesome experience except for my interaction with ONE manager who used to accuse me of stealing and start fights with me. I hated that.

Anyway, I'm still good with the general manager so he's allowing me to send women to be interviewed and I am grateful. Working at THIS Denny's reminds me of the old days. I couldn't sop thinking about my previous Denny's experience and how much I loved working there. I remember my Mama used to say, "YOU are working a JOB and not complaining?"

I would laugh and say, "I love serving, Mama!"

I really, really do.

I wish that what makes me happiest, serving, allowed me to take care of myself and live in luxury but it doesn't. Honestly, if I'm going to be doing anything besides being a journalist and writing books and speaking at seminars, I'd be serving.

I love taking care of people.

But I'm tired. I am still working with women trying to get them jobs. I'm still a little disappointed in some of them because when I call them and tell them about work and then set up the interviews they don't go or make the call when I tell them to. I'm getting frustrated about it.

The rough part about starting a job is the fact that I don't have any money. I need money to buy my uniforms and stuff and I'm making due with help from the women in the shelter. Last night after telling a woman that I'm starting a new job, she gave me a black shirt and black socks. I also need money to travel back and forth from work so I'm hoping for a miracle until my training is over. Doing all of this without a car is annoying too. Its summertime in South Florida and it is FIRE hot! I'm sweating out my uniform on the bus stops. Thank goodness I am baldheaded and my hair isn't affected by the weather.

I can't wait to finish training and start taking tables. It's going to be great to have money in my pockets again. I'm having a hard time making new videos because it is so crowded in the shelter and I can't think to be creative or record audio.

I'm also getting lots of emails from women who are finding my older videos and want advice. One lady wrote in about being in an abusive relationship. I think I'm going to send her my number so that we can talk.

I'm tired, ya'll.

So tired. But I'm still trying to help. Trying to help myself and others too.

I'm tired.

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Organizations That Help With Bills, Money & Food

Compiled by B.J. Schmidt

1. http://www.helpforlowincome.com/

2. http://http://www.prosper.com/

3. http://www.cyberbeg.com/

4. http://www.my-donation.com/

5. http://www.modestneeds.org/

6. www.communityactionpartnership.com/about/links/map.asp

7. http://www.benefitscheckup.org/

8. http://www.freecycle.org/

9. http://www.2hands.org/

10. http://gtionline.fdncenter.org/

11. http://www.grantedwish.org/

12. http://www.angelfoodministries.com/

13. http://www.treeofwishes.com/

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Notes From The Universe

I signed up for Mike Dooley's FREE Notes From the Universe a long time ago. Today, I must say, his notes are my daily source for inspiration. Honestly, if I were stranded on a desert island and I had to choose ONE thing to keep with me to give me hope and direction, it would be a subscription to his notes.

I am not making this up or trying to convince you to inspire yourself. I'm merely offering the tools I use to keep myself motivated and hopeful about life.

To spread the joy, I'll share with you a sample of some of The Notes From The Universe that I receive in my email inbox every morning.

Tell me, if you were to walk out of your home tomorrow morning, gaze upward into the heavens and see me there, in all my splendor, pacing, pining, and worrying; hoping, wishing, and yearning; and questioning whether or not my boldest dreams would ever come true, would you or would you not, wonder if I had gone stark raving mad?

Well then...?
The Universe

We often have to shhhh'em-up, here in the unseen. It's because they become so excited when they see a really HUGE dream about to manifest in the seen, they completely forget that from where you are, nothing, yet, appears any different.

SHU-U-USH IT!
The Universe

The path to enlightenment is not a path at all, it's actually a metaphor for the time it takes for you to allow yourself to be happy with who you already are, where you're already at, and what you already have - no matter what.

Just do it,
The Universe

You can also get your FREE Notes From The Universe mailed to your inbox everyday. BE INSPIRED.

For My Savvy Sisters: What other sources of inspiration do you use on a daily basis to keep your spirits high?

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EDITORIAL: My Case for Vegetarianism

By Christina Fermin

Politics & Society Columnist

I have been a vegetarian for almost 4 years, and I must say I do not regret it at all. There are many reasons why I become a vegetarian, but it mostly has to do with health purposes. Like many of you I never dreamed of becoming a vegetarian, it just kind of happened. I was an avid carnivore and loved my pork, steaks and hamburgers, and very much disliked anything that was considered "rabbit food". Growing up in a Latin househould I ate meat 4-5 days a week and loved every minute of it. When I went to my family and told them I was a vegetarian it was quite shocking.

It all started a few years ago when there was a lot of talk about hormones in chickens, pigs and cows, from there I began doing my own research. I saw the disgusting practices used by corporations who slaughtered 10 billion animals a year to feed the carnivores of this country. That numbered staggered me and when I learned about the process of how the meat, poultry and fish was bagged and shipped it horrified me. I must say I am an animal lover and I could never imagine doing such a practice to a loved pet.

Aside from the killing practices of these slaughter houses, I delved deeper into our meat eating culture. It surprised me to learn that our ancestors did not eat meat as much as we thought they did, especially in the hunter-gatherer days, our ancestors spent more time eating fruits, vegetables, and nuts, the likelihood of capturing an animal to eat was minimal. Many health problems today can be attributed to poor diet and too much red meat, such as cancer, heart disease, diabetes, colon cancer, impotence, kidney disease, osteoporosis, hypertension, obesity and the list goes on.

If you are as dedicated to go green and reducing your carbon footprint as I am, you do not necessarily have to become a vegetarian. You can try meatless Mondays, a concept that encourages you to prepare a meal a week that does not include meat. It is amazing how reducing your meat intake to 1 day a week will drastically reduce your carbon footprint.

Here in the U.S. we use a very unsustainable method of animal farming, so much so that there is a huge problem in properly disposing of animal waste which eventually finds its way into our streams, rivers and drinking water. This causes all sorts of havoc on the environment which affects our daily lives. In South America, the Amazon rainforest is being cut down by hundreds of acres a minute to produce land for cows so that the U.S. can serve burgers in our fast food chains.

Because of our over consumption of meat, we now face the horrors from deforestation, the effects of the hormones that go into these animals to grow faster, agrochemicals to make feed for them, waste created by 10 billion animals yearly, fuel used to transport the animals, and imagine the energy that you consume from such an outdated inhumane practice. If you are going to eat meat go with Organically grown offerings and shop local farmers markets to reduce that carbon footprint. Protect yourself and your family and go vegetarian a few days a week. You will not only feel better, you will look better, younger and you will be doing your body a favor.

Since I have become a vegetarian I have noticed that I look better, feel better, have more energy, and I have changed for the better. Yes there are times where I see a nice juicy steak and wish that I could have a bite, but then I am reminded of why I did this. I cannot imagine being a part of an industry that slaughters 10 billion animals a year, and I would be devasted if I were to get a disease like diabetes. I now have a love affair with vegetables and eat things that I never thought I would eat, since becoming a vegetarian I have influenced others to do so or influenced others to be more aware of what they eat. It comes down to being aware of your actions and understanding how they impact the world around you. What better way of making the world a better place than to have the power of deciding what goes into your body.

Peace & Harmony,

Christina

About the Columnist

With a bachelors degree in political science from Florida Atlantic University, Christina Fermin has always cultivated her love for history, politics, sociology, ancient knowledge and teachings, the outdoors, the ocean and the environment. Christina strives to make our world better by helping us all create a new reality and understanding of all taking place here and now.

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Free and Discounted Drug Prescriptions

Once I was sick and had to go to the emergency room. I was given a prescription for antibiotics and when I went to fill it the prescription was more than $100. I couldn't afford it so I had to continue to deal with the sickness and eventually had to return to the emergency room. When I was there I argued with the doctor who then gave me another prescription. When I went to get it filled it was only $33!

I was livid. The doctors know that there are generic versions available but most won't tell you for some reason.

My Mom visited the doctor yesterday and he was such an awesome individual that he told her about all of the free and discounted drug prescription programs available. I summarized his list for you. Before you fill your prescription please call the pharmacist and always ask about the latest information on free and discounted drug prescription programs as the list changes from month to month.

A big, hearty THANK YOU to Bernard S. Chapnik, MD for this valuable information.


Publix Free Antibiotics

Amoxicillin

Ampicillin

Cephalexin (capsules and suspension only)

Sulfamethoxazole/Trimethoprim (SMZ-TMP)

Ciprofloxacin (excluding Ciprofloxacin XR)

Penicillin VK

Doxycycline Hyclate (capsules only)

Schnucks Free Antibiotics

Amoxicillin (Generic for AMOXIL)

Ampicilin

Ciprofloxacin (Generic for CIPRO)

Doxycycline

Penicillin

Trimeth/Sulfa (Generic for SEPTRA or BACTRIM)

Meijer Free Antibiotics

Amoxicillin

Cephalexin

SMZ-TMP

Ciprofloxacin

Ampicillin

Penicillin VK

Erythromycin

Many chain pharmacists also offer $4 & $5 Prescription programs.

Discounted Prescription Programs

Walmart $4 Prescriptions

Target $4 Prescriptions

Kmart $5 Prescriptions

Kroger $4 - $10 Prescriptions

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Dr. Bella DePaulo: Most Single People Are Happy

My Savvy Sisters caught up with Dr. Bella DePaulo, the author of Singled Out. Dr. Bella is the most widely respected expert on the single life and offers a perspective that is not often publicized.

Dr. Bella DePaulo

Singled Out, along with my other writings on singlehood, such as Single with Attitude, and my “Living Single” blog at Psychology Today, is a myth-busting, consciousness-raising, totally unapologetic take on single life. It draws from my discussions with many single people, but more importantly, it draws from research. My work shows that most single people are doing just fine – they are happy and healthy, they have people who are important to them, and they lead full and meaningful lives.

I have heard from many single people since Singled Out was published. They tell me that after reading the book, they feel validated and encouraged.

The belief that single women are mostly dissatisfied with their lives is a myth. I’m a social scientist and I have looked closely at the many studies of marital status and happiness. On the average, single women are happy with their lives. There is not even one study that shows that single women are typically unhappy.

There is a pervasive cultural mythology that insists that women can only be truly happy if they get married. That mythology needs to be challenged much more often and more vigorously – that’s one of the things I try to do in my writing and public speaking. Because that mythology is rarely questioned, lots of single people expect to be unhappy, and they are reluctant to say that they are actually happy, because that would be so inconsistent with what is expected.

I learned to be wary of singles-bashing headlines and about the assumptions people make about singles in their everyday lives. Before I did the research for my book, I just assumed that the conventional wisdom was correct, and that getting married really did make people happier and healthier. I liked my single life, but I figured that I must be the exception. It was stunning to me to read one study after another showing that those stereotypes about single people are exaggerated or just plain false.

[Dissatisfied singles] should tune into the communities of single people who love their single lives. Online, for example, readers of my Living Single blog at Psychology Today often engage with each other about their lives in response to my posts. Those who want romantic love may still want it, but they may become more aware of the positive aspects of single life. Others may find that some of their yearning for romantic love comes from a desire to follow the cultural script that they have been urged to follow their entire lives.

They think they should want romantic love more than anything else, but maybe they’ve just assumed that and never really wondered what they, as unique individuals, really do want from their lives.

For My Savvy Sisters: Do you agree with Dr. DePaulo's stance that the idea of the majority of singles being dissatisfied is a myth? Do you find that your single friends are generally happy or unhappy?

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Sisters In The Struggle: I'm About To Lose My Business

My Savvy Sisters in the Struggle: Are you in a situation that you feel you can not handle alone? Do you need My Savvy Sisters to offer guidance, a helping hand or an encouraging word? Write in to editorial@MySavvySisters.Com to submit your plea for help. All letters will be read. Selected letters will be posted. We wish you the best of luck and we hope we can be the connection you need.

Dear Sisters In The Struggle,

My name is Sara Beth Williams. I own a carriage company in Nashville TN. I’ve been in business since 2003. I’ve only been granted one permit when all carriage owners have two permits or more and they are all men. It’s been eight years and I’ve seen 3 companies go out of business and there were 10 permits voided and not even one of those permits were even granted to me for equal opportunity. The governor has minority non discrimination statements all over their website of tn.gov. I have three horses and just recently found a place to live and boarding for my horses due to the flood last year.

This year I hired a man that fronted me the money for my liability insurance in return for using his carriage in town so that I could afford to put the new light requirements on per our metro government. I paid this man 60 percent to operate my business so that I could make extra money to buy a new carriage. This man stole from me every night. I caught him not writing all the rides down and have proof that he wrote 12 rides.

When I caught this man stealing he all of a sudden comes up with $890.00 which is equivalent to 28 rides. My supposed friend won’t testify in court as a witness because she is all into herself and doesn’t want to get involved. I told the man that I caught him stealing on several occasions and that he very well paid himself back for the use of his carriage. He then turned around and called my insurance company and demanded the check he wrote refunded and caused my insurance to lapse. The insurance company that handled my policy canceled my insurance due to non-payment without my knowledge. The insurance company said they didn’t want to get sued for the check from the man’s so called attorneys phone call to the insurance company. There was no name of the so called attorney that made that call. I was downtown operating my carriage on June 2nd in the evening and didn’t work Friday because of fireworks and was notified by the taxi board that I was in operation without insurance. I had no knowledge of this.

On Friday June 3rd, I received a phone call from the director of the taxi board to suspend my operation due to cancelation of insurance. The taxi board called me at 4:20pm that afternoon when they closed at 4:25pm in the afternoon. There was nothing I could do to fix the problem. I had no money because thank God I paid all my bills ahead of time. Well now I don’t have the down payment for insurance. I started to panic. I rode out the weekend trying to get help when all of the sudden my radiator blew up on my truck and had to borrow the money from my parents. They are on fixed income. Now I missed out on a whole week of income from the CMA festival where I could’ve made $3000.00 to cover my bills. Now I have $17.00 to my name so I contacted an attorney with no money (she said I have a case). On Monday June 6th My dad calls me and says I received a certified letter from taxi board for a disciplinary hearing before the commission because I was operating my carriage without insurance and they are calling it negligent.

The taxi board is calling it negligence for having passengers in my carriage and operating without insurance. The director also said that I could very well lose my license before the board. I asked the director of the taxi board how he knew I was operating that day and he said they took pictures for proof. I then thought about my permit situation and immediately started thinking they knew about my insurance before I did and contacted me a day later of my cancelation of insurance. Why would they try and get proof before contacting me? Why would they send a letter of discipline on Monday and not even mention it on the Friday before?

Now you know why I’m stressing this whole thing. I’ve worked so hard and struggled over these eight years of business and finally was able to get on my feet from the flood last year. I have prayed like you would not believe. I know God gave me these horses to do this business. I can’t get a loan from the bank because of the devastation from the flood last year.

Now I feel like I have no one to turn to for help. I have no money due to this being my only source of income. I have to pay my parents back for the radiator and pay my truck note by Wednesday. I can still operate until the hearing. I have an attorney with no way to pay. The attorney knows this and I don’t even have the fuel to even get there. I love my horses and have never been in trouble with the board before. I feel like I’m being bullied by the taxi board director and the other carriage companies. I have people calling me all the time saying my permit has been pulled when I had not been informed of that yet.

How do these carriage companies that are all men know this? I need help in a very big way. I even tried e-mailing Ellen Degeneres with no response on facebook. I feel like such a little person in a big world with no one even acknowledging my cry for help. I will take a deep breath and relax like you said and pray for a miracle. I keep hoping my phone will ring but it doesn’t. I do pray, believe, and know that this is God’s plan for me because of my love for horses. God would not have given me two identical horses to pull together at 2yrs old in a big city like this without his divine help. Thank you for listening to my situation and hope to hear from you. Thank you so much for taking my call this evening. I thank God that I found your site and phone number.

For My Savvy Sisters: Do you have any advice or assistance for Sara? Please comment and offer any help you may have. Thank you.

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