‘Salary’ Tops Poll of What US Women Want to Change Most About Their Partner

Curious to see if women would try and change their partner in some way, if given the chance, one of the leading coupon code websites in the US has conducted a survey to discover what personality traits in their partner, if any, and other things they would most like to change.

CouponCodes4u.com surveyed 2,073 American women to discover their thoughts on the matter. The survey, formed part of research into relationships and whether women would be happier to change their partner than men.

All respondents that took part in the study were in a relationship and had been with their partner for at least 6 months. All respondents were asked whether or not there were things about their partner that they wanted to change in any way, to which 65% admitted that there were. Just 18% said they wouldn’t want to change their partner in any way, while the remaining respondents were unsure. Respondents who admitted they would like to change something about their partner were then asked to list the attributes that they would change immediately, given the chance, and could select all that applied from a list of possible answers.

The top ten attributes that women would most like to change about their partner if given the chance were as follows:

1) Salary 71%
2) Attitude 69%
3) Cleanliness 54%
4) Physical appearance 46%
5) Manners 43%
6) Skills in bed 38%
7) Friends 35%
8) Family 31%
9) Fashion sense 28%
10) Hobbies 25%

Furthermore, when asked if they had ever almost broken up with their current partner over what they deemed to be “flaws”, 45% of respondents said that they had. When asked if they’d attempted to change anything about their partner in the past, 36% said that they had, with ‘fashion sense’ being the top trait that they’d attempted to change.

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How Friends Can Revive Your Spirit

By Teresa Lopez

There are so many things in the world today that damage our spirits and dampen our enthusiasm for life. The evening news is filled with reports of crime and scandal, our jobs often frustrate us, and even family can be very demanding. In the midst of all this difficulty, having friends can be a life-saver. There are things only friends can do to revive your spirit, encourage you, and set you on the right path.

Here are several things that friends do to help you flourish.

• Your Friends Love You for Who You Are, not What You Do.
This is the key characteristic of any true friendship, and it does wonders to heal your soul. After a tough day at work, your friend can remind you that it’s not about what you do – you are worthwhile because of who you are. This will help you take on the next day with renewed confidence.

 • They Bring Out the Best in You.
Great friends make you want to be your best and do your best. When you are feeling discouraged and beat down, meeting a friend for coffee can be just the encouragement you need to get back up and get in the game again.

• Friends Give You A Shoulder to Cry on.
Sometimes you just need to vent, or cry, after a really difficult time. Good friends are ready to be there for you, listening, consoling, and helping you release your feelings so you can move on in healthy ways. Whether it’s a tough break-up or a jerk of a boss, your girlfriends are there for you.

 • Friends are Good for Your Health.
Studies have shown that people with strong social networks are less likely to get sick and even sleep better. Knowing you have friends on your side will keep you healthier and allow you to rest easy at night. Keep in close contact with your best friends, and you may even live longer, according to a 2010 study!

 • Good Friends Relieve Stress and Help You Cope.
When you are going through a truly difficult time, having your good girlfriends to lean on can be a real lifesaver. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, illness of a child, or unexpected loss of a job, your friends can help relieve stress and help you cope with your situation. Don’t be afraid to ask for help - good friends may bring food, clean your house, or do other chores you normally do yourself. But if you don’t ask, they won’t know how to help. The best thing about good friendships is that not only do your friends help you, you help them in all of these ways also.

Friendships are an amazing way to revive your spirit, regain confidence, and make it through life’s tough events. This post was written on behalf of Psychic Source. For an online reading from the best psychics, visit their site today!

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The Unforgiveable Sin: Dating A Broke Man

We're not teenagers anymore. We don't fall in love based on how cute he is or what promises he makes. We don't fall in love with his potential or how cute the kids might look. We don't fantasize about a lifestyle that a man has yet to prove he can provide.

This is not about finding a man to take care of you; you are one of My Savvy Sisters, you can easily feed and pamper yourself. You've worked hard to be able to establish yourself, at least keep company with men who have done the same so you can share secrets to success and support each other in your growth. You shouldn't be the only person offering resources and wisdom. Please don't be bamboozled into caring for a grown up child. If you have children, you don't need another one to take care of just for the sake of companionship.

You must never date a man who has not proven that he can care for himself. That is not respectable and it is truly disgusting. You're worth more than that. Some women have no problem going dutch on dates, but you should. If he can't provide a simple meal for the woman who is sharing her mental and physical time with him then he has a lot of work to do on himself in the areas of etiquette, personal pride and self care and he should not be focused on a relationship. If you truly care for him, tell him to work on himself and give him the space to do that without having to lead the way.

At no point should you:

1. Believe the sad sob stories of his childhood which he uses as an excuse for why he is unable to provide for himself.
2. Believe that if you are the one person who supports him then he will eventually get himself together. You are not his savior. Stop trying to be.
3. Equate sexual pleasure with love. In fact, you shouldn't even be sleeping with a broke man at all. He doesn't deserve the cookie if he can't feed you. He doesn't deserve to touch you if he can't teach you how to prosper.

Raise your standards and learn how to masturbate. Have fun with men, flirt, laugh, accept invitations to go out but never, EVER try to save them. They'll respect you more for giving them the space to learn on their own and if they don't, there are plenty of desperate women out there who would love to take care of them. It won't be you.

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VIDEO: How To Deal With Jealous Women

They're everywhere. They follow you from job to job and change faces and places just as often as you change locations.

But what do you do when you constantly encounter jealous women? How do you handle it?

I have the answer. Check out the video below.

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Why Verbal Abuse Is Your Fault

There's someone in your life who is tearing you down. They're saying all the things you wouldn't even THINK about saying to someone else. You're hurt and afraid and you feel trapped by their opinions. You would do anything for them to change their mind about you. In fact, you've tried everything. You've pleaded with them. You've tried to improve. You've gone out of your way to be the best person you could be but there's nothing you can do to get them to stop berating you. You're extremely depressed and lonely and you feel like life is just not worth living anymore.

Before you decide that your life is worthless, I have to tell you the one thing that will set you free- the verbal abuse you are experiencing is all your fault.

It is. You have decided that there is someone else whose opinion of you matters more than your own. You have the authority to decide which opinion matters most and you gave it away to someone else who is using that power to destroy you.

Why are they trying to destroy you? It's simple, you are allowing them to. You like being miserable and feeling dominated in a negative way or else you would not be in that situation. Of course it is easier to label the abuser as the monster and paint yourself as a victim because this society perpetuates victimhood. It is not okay to be a victim. It is not okay to point at anyone else and blame them for your situation. You are not a victim. You are playing a willing part in this scenario. You have to accept that.

There can be no dominance without willful mental submission. Before you become upset with me, allow me to explain how you can stop this madness.

• You have to decide that YOUR opinion matters most.
• You have to remove yourself from that situation at all costs.
• You have to understand that their WORDS only have the power that you give them.
• YOU are the authority of your life.
• YOU define who you are.
• You do NOT need anyone's acceptance or approval.
• You have to make a DECISION to believe other people who actually love you and show it by being kind to you.
• You have to believe you deserve better.

If you choose not to do the things I am suggesting then you WANT the verbal abuse, you LIKE the verbal abuse and you can no longer complain about the verbal abuse.

It's a decision to re condition yourself. You are NONE of the labels the person has slapped on you. You can label yourself. You don't need anyone's permission to do so.

You can do this. You don't have to believe their harsh words and descriptions. That person is not God but you are making them the God of your life by allowing them to define you.

You can move away from this. You can choose NOT to believe them. They are just saying WORDS and you don't have to be swayed by them.

You define who you are. You don't have to accept their definition.

You are not a loser.
You are not a worthless bitch.
You are not a cunt.
You are not a stupid slut.

You are who YOU say you are and if anyone calls you anything other than the definitions you define YOURSELF by, you can easily dismiss them. If someone says that you are PURPLE, would you cry? No. You would laugh at them and keep it moving. You can do this same thing now.

You don't deserve this. This is not all your life will be. You can make a decision to move away from this. You do not need this person's approval. This is not love. You will never be able to make it better. Give up.

Make it better with yourself. Define yourself. Live up to the new labels you will now give yourself.

Approve yourself and never allow verbal abuse into your life again.

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The REAL Reason He Dumped You

You're sad, right?

You don't know what you did wrong and why anyone would possibly want to leave you. Or, maybe you DO know and have sat down and made a list of all of your faults and you've concluded that it must be your weight or your hair or the fact that you drive a Camry.

Let me let you in on a little secret. The reason he dumped you has nothing to do with the way you look, smell or how much money you have.

He dumped you because...

Lean in a little closer so you can really understand what I'm saying here, ok?

He dumped you because...

You care too much! Who cares why the hell he dumped you? It's time to stop sitting there crying your eyes out and analyzing your personality and every interaction you two ever had because that is not going to help.

Life isn't about staring at the clock wondering why the seconds are rolling by. The clock ticks because that is what it does and relationships end because it's time to end. You are not a failure because you couldn't force him to want to stay. You didn't lose in life because one phase ended. Your life is rearranging itself to make room for something new and although you may fear change, change is inevitable and it HAS to happen, just like the clock HAS to tick the day away.

He dumped you. He broke up with you. He left you high and dry. Does this mean you are unloveable? No. Does this mean the sun won't shine tomorrow? No. Does this mean you are less of a person? Hell no!

He dumped you. It's not that serious. You are more than capable of figuring out what will happen next. You can decide to write the next chapter of your story.

It could read: She wept. She wept for 8 days straight and nothing could comfort her. She gained 20 pounds sitting at her computer stalking him online and trying to figure out if it was another woman who took her man away. She never dated again because she held on to the pain and it was so unbearable that the mere thought of experiencing rejection again caused her to wince. She vowed never to allow that experience in her life again.

It could also read: She cried for a night. Then she went out with her friends. Then she set a new goal for herself, whipping herself into the best shape of her life physically and mentally. You should have seen her as she stepped outside of her comfort zone and became an entrepreneur. She eventually moved to London the way she always wanted to. She ended up dating more men but she didn't take any of them seriously until one of the begged her to.

You don't have to figure out why he dumped you, all you have to do is accept that it is over and figure out what you want your life to be like over the next 3 months. I'm sincere. It's a choice.

Imagine the best case scenario that isn't dictated by circumstances that you can not control. You can't control other people's reactions. You can't control other people wanting to help you. You can't control the weather. You can't control some things so just learn how to manage your reactions to the things you can't control and you'll be fine. You don't have to spend another second wondering why things happen. Just adjust your path. It's okay to do that.

Your choice.

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9 Signs You Might Be A Lesbian

I wasn't always aware of the fact that I liked women in a romantic way. I remember playing 'house' with girls when I was younger and also being fascinated by them physically when I was a teen but I "knew" it was wrong to like girls so I squashed the thought in my mind.

Girls and women would usually approach me for dates and show interest once I went to college but I was adamant that I wasn't "that way". I felt like they were trying to convince me to give it a try and I don't like being coerced into anything. I questioned myself a lot over the years and wondered why so many women felt attracted to me. I knew I wasn't into women because I had never been in love with a woman before, but I had many special friends that I treated like they were my girlfriends, without the sexual part. I called it being a good friend.

It wasn't until I was 30 years old that I bumped into a woman that made my heart melt. I wanted her and didn't know what to do with that feeling. Nothing happened although I tried to get to know her to figure out what it was about her that made me desire her and what exactly was I desiring. It was a confusing time period for me and I faced my fear of being attracted to women by dating them and joining online forums for women who like women. Through that period I learned that there are lots of women who are attracted to women and I also met a girl that I liked who liked me back, over the internet. This was a cute first relationship for me and it really showed me that I could love a woman romantically.

The following list is a personal list of all the clues I believe should have shown me that I do in fact, have an undeniable attraction for SOME women.

You Might Be a Lesbian If...

1) You've dated many men but none of them can keep your attention, with the exception of your celebrity crushes.

2) You have a close friend and you want to be her everything by taking care of her every need and making sure she’s happy and smiling everyday.

3) When you have dated men in the past, they were all very feminine or later confessed to being gay.

4) When you imagine a future in a relationship with a man it makes you feel sad.

5) When you meet certain women, your body tenses up and you feel magnetically drawn to them and want to know them.

6) You’ve had to tell yourself, “Being attracted to women is wrong.”

7) Dry humping your partner fully clothed feels better than penetration.

8) You had a promiscuous sexual history with men because you viewed sex with men as an activity instead of an expression of love.

9) You’ve asked yourself, “Am I gay?” many, many times.

If you recognize yourself in these signs, it’s okay. Whether you are a lesbian, bi sexual or even if you realize that you aren't really attracted to women after all, it’s okay to be who you are and be attracted to who you want to be attracted to. There are no written instructions for love. There is no one judging you but you. You can decide today that you are going to go with your instinct and love who you are naturally drawn to.

Attraction is not a choice. You can’t turn it off. You can ignore it and behave how society tells you to behave but will “society” wait with you at the doctor’s office when you are feeling sick?

Your real love is waiting behind the complete acceptance of yourself and your preferences. It’s okay. You can be you now.

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5 Reasons You Should Dump Your Bestfriend

It's been 20 years since you met. You've gone through almost everything together, first boyfriends, losing your virginity, first heartbreak, college entrance exams and even trudging through university.

Now that you're officially adults with the bullet wounds to prove it, somehow, her presence in your life doesn't seem as appealing as it once was. Sometimes, when you look at her, you still see the little girl you shared lunch with back when you were teens but you're aching to move on from that time of your life.

You don't want to seem like a bad person, but you've outgrown the conversations, the stories and the repetitiveness of life. You try to talk yourself out of it, but it becomes even more clear, you want a break from this relationship so you can clear your head a bit.

Here are 5 Reasons Why You Should Dump Your Bestfriend

1. She depends on you to help her make all of her important decisions.
If you have a friend who desperately needs you to help make the little decisions in life, chances are she has become dependent on you. You may think to yourself, "But she needs me." No, what she needs is to learn how to stand on her own. It's a wonderful thing to be there for a friend in need but it's even better to let her learn how to become dependent on herself.

2. She competes with you for the 'woe is me' award.
For every sad circumstance you face, your BFF has an even more dramatic and victimizing story. She allows you to make excuses for not being your best self and coddles you when you're feeling like a failure. This is not a good friend to have in your corner because she's secretly enabling you to remain stagnant.

3. She believes drama is a standard part of every romantic relationship.
Every relationship has a bit of drama, or so she believes. When her man cheats on her or is emotionally abusive to her, she chalks it up to the ebb and flow of the relationship and is patient enough to wait it out, hoping he'll change his ways. She encourages you to do the same and you do follow suit, until you find yourself alone with 3 kids from 3 different fathers and no one to turn to for help.

4. She's afraid to fail.
There's no greater detriment to a mover and shaker than someone who constantly reminds them that the risks outweigh the rewards. She wants you to stay with her and be comfortable, even though she is generally unhappy. She encourages you by saying, "You can't change the world."

5. Still complaining about the same things she complained about 10 years ago.
It was cute when you were teenagers but the same old sob stories are getting old. How many times can you hear, "I think he's cheating on me." How many times will you have to repeat the same words of encouragement to the same person who simply does not get it? You want to grow but this relationship that was once a benefit to you, actually seems like a burden these days.


So, how do you get the monkey off your back without seeming like a cruel and evil friend? First, you have to understand that every relationship has its season. You don't have to END your friendship but you can make some adjustments that will give you the freedom you need to grow.

Try:
1. Answering every other call you receive from her.
2. Call her back only after you have done work towards your goals each day.
3. Tell her you'll call her back when she goes in on those 'woe is me' stories.
4. Tell her that you believe she can figure things out on her own and to call you back when she has made a decision.

You aren't abandoning your friend, you're simply making adjustments for your own growth and success. Hopefully your friend will learn to ride life's waves with you. If not, you can still be proud of yourself because you have been a good friend while it lasted.

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How To Win An Argument In Less Than 2 Minutes

Are you tired of going around in circles by trying to prove your point during an argument? Do you find that the longer you talk, scream and throw things, they still don't understand you?

Today I'm going to teach you how to win any argument in less than 2 minutes. This technique will leave your verbal sparring partner at a loss for words and you will have the victory in the end.

The argument begins

"I asked you to buy orange juice," you say as your bewildered partner shows up with lemonade.

"No, you didn't. You just asked for juice," your partner counters back.

"Yes, I did. You did the same thing last week when I asked you to get the tires rotated and you came back with new tires."

"The car needed new tires!"

"No it didn't, they just needed a rotation! But just like the simpleton you are, you let the sales guy talk you into spending $400 on new tires that we don't need. This is coming out of YOUR paycheck, not mine buddy!"

"I am so tired of you and this blame game!" your partner shouts. "I can't do anything right in your eyes! I told you, the tires needed to be replaced!"

Your eyes grow wide as you imagine....

This is the point where you can begin to scream at your partner about everything that they do wrong in life, listing countless examples of their obvious loss of competency and/or hearing or...

you can simply say- "You may be right. I'm sorry."

WHAT?!!!

But I'M right! Why should I back down?

2 Reasons. 1) Confuse the engager 2) You win.

By softly admitting that you could be wrong, you confuse the person you are engaging in an argument with because they are high on adrenaline and ready to release all of the tension in their lives on you. You let the air out of their balloon by agreeing with them, which causes them to step back and examine your face and your motives.

Smile sweetly. You can even bow and blow them a kiss.

If you really want to sucker punch them say something like, "You're the King."

Be sincere about it though, any hint of sarcasm will push them to start railing on you verbally. Then to put the icing on the cake, make dinner for them.


A nice dinner will do the trick. Make something they love and when you serve it to them, do it with a smile. They will be afraid to eat it and will walk on egg shells around you, wondering what you are up to. This can last for weeks if you keep up the good girl behavior long enough and there will be no arguments during this time because they are waiting for you to explode.

You can go in the bathroom to laugh at them and never let on that you tricked them.

There is nothing wrong with admitting you could be wrong, even when you know that you are right, it saves a lot of hassle and debate unless you simply LOVE the make up sex- in that case- argue away!

For My Savvy Sisters: How do you handle arguments with the people you love? Do your tactics work?

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"Ladies Who Cheat Are Not Real Women"

"Ladies who cheat are not real women and fellas who cheat are not real men." ~ quote from Essence Magazine article 8 Reasons Why I Would Never Cheat on My Wife by Paul Carrick Brunson.

I wholeheartedly disagree. This dude thinks he's better simply because he won't CHOOSE to cheat. Every decision is a choice. People who DON'T cheat, aren't interested in sleeping around. That's about it. It has nothing to do with being 'real' or being 'good'. It's their choice.

Those who cheat, love having multiple sexual partners. The person they are married to should understand that and accept it if they want to stay married.

If you first KNOW your partner's preference before you make a commitment to them and always allow them to be who they are- you will be much happier.

Cheating is not the worst thing a partner can do.

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Office Romances Lead To Marriage

CHICAGO, Feb. 9, 2011 /PRNewswire/ -- Love is in the air and it's wafting its way through the office. Thirty-eight percent of workers said they have dated a co-worker at least once over the course of their career; 17 percent reported dating co-workers at least twice. Thirty-one percent said their office romance led them to the altar. This is according to CareerBuilder's annual office romance survey of more than 7,000 workers nationwide conducted by Harris Interactive© between November 9 and December 5, 2011.

How Many Dated the Boss?

While the majority of relationships developed between workers in comparable job levels, 28 percent of workers who dated a co-worker said they have dated someone above them in the company hierarchy, and nearly one-in-five (18 percent) admitted to dating their boss. Women were more likely to date someone higher up in their organization – 35 percent compared to 23 percent of men.

Which Industries Have the Most Romance?

Hospitality leads the top five industries for office romances, coming in significantly higher than the national average:

Hospitality – 47 percent dated a co-worker
Financial Services – 45 percent
Transportation & Utilities – 43 percent
Information Technology – 40 percent
Healthcare – 38 percent
How Much Does Your Job Factor into Your Love Life?

More than one-in-four workers (26 percent) reported that what someone does for a living influences whether they would date that person. Five percent of workers said someone broke up with them because either their job required too many hours at the office, they didn't make enough money or the person didn't like their line of work.

Do Opposites Really Attract?

While the majority of workers tended to date people in different professions or functions, nearly one-in-five workers (19 percent) reported that they are more attracted to people who have a similar job.

Where Do Office Romances Begin?

Social settings outside of the office were cited most often in regard to workers connecting on a romantic level. Running into each other outside of work (13 percent), happy hours (12 percent), lunches (11 percent) and late nights at work (10 percent) were among the most popular catalysts for dating co-workers.

Are Relationships Better Kept Secret?

Most workers who have had office romances said they were open about their dating situation. Thirty-seven percent reported they had to keep the relationship under wraps.

"Whether you're dating someone higher-up or a colleague at the same level, office romances are always tricky," said Rosemary Haefner, vice president of human resources at CareerBuilder. "First and foremost, it is important to know your company's office dating policy. Remember to stay professional and draw a boundary line between your personal life and the workplace."

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Men Are Sensitive- A Match.Com Study Reveals

According to a study published today by Match.Com, men appear to be more sensitive concerning issues of love and romance than women.

Here is an excerpt from the results:

Men fall in love just as often as women do and are more likely to experience love at first sight. By age 30, 58% of men who say they have been in love and believe in love at first sight have experienced it, compared to 51% of women.

PDA approved? Men are more likely to show their love and affection in public. 41% of men would be very comfortable kissing in public, versus 31% of women.

Men are more willing to make a commitment either without being in love or without feeling sexually attracted to their partner. Men are more likely than women to be willing to make a commitment to someone who has everything they are looking for in a partner, but whom they are not in love with (31% of men and 23% of women) and willing to make a commitment to someone who has everything they are looking for in a partner but whom they don't find sexually attractive (26% of men and 22% of women).

Men find loneliness just as stressful as women do. 31% of men and 33% of women report that they find loneliness to be "very stressful" or "somewhat stressful." And men are more likely to report that loneliness is a challenging aspect of being single (27% of men and 22% of women).

Men admire working women. Close to half (45%) of all men are turned off by a woman who "doesn't care about her career."

When it comes to cohabitation, men want to commit sooner than women. Contrary to popular belief, when dating a new partner, 46% of men and 26% of women would expect to move in together before they'd been dating someone for less than a year.

Men are far more concerned about their weight than their height. 55% of straight men and 63% of gay men are more concerned with their weight than their height (6% of straight men and 3% of gay men).

To read more visit Match.Com.

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How To Stop Pushing People Away

As we go through life's bumps and become bruised it is easy to believe the only way to safeguard ourselves from the evils of the world is to cut relationships with people off completely. This one decision affects our behavior and our lives stifling us in a way that creates a misery that we do not even know we are engaged in.

We may FEEL safe because we won't allow anyone to get close enough to hurt us but we are actually shielding ourselves from the beauty of this life experience.

My introversion led me to believe that I am so different and so unique that no one could relate to me. I felt misunderstood and my self righteousness told me that I owed no one an explanation so I disregarded any interest in forming new relationships. If you are someone who finds it difficult to relate to people because of fear, it is important to move past that. We were created to relate to others. Please try these tips for sharing your soul with others.


Be Open To What Others Are Into
Yes, your life experience is all about YOU, but there are others who will play a supporting role in your movie. If you really desire to have better relationships with others you have to decide to be open to what others are interested in. You don't have to participate in those things but at least be open to listening to others share their passions and don't judge them for what they love.

If someone shares something with you that you find startling, unusual or even immoral, do not cast them to the side. They are sharing their soul with you. They are offering you the gift of their secret. A friendship and mutual respect can be made out of this disclosure. Honor them for trusting you enough with their secret passion.

Instead of judging them, develop a playful curiosity about the person. Become a super sleuth. Get to know them and try to figure out why they are who they are. What led to their development and personality? View their personality through an investigative lens and marvel at the beauty of their life creation.


Just Because Someone Has A Flaw Doesn't Mean They Are Flawed
One of the main reasons why I push people away is the fact that I discover that they are less than perfect. It is my own frustration with myself that motivates me to judge them so harshly. My desire for perfection and subsequent disappointment with myself moves me to become disgusted by those who show similar traits and flaws.

When you can find a way to accept yourself more fully, loving others will be a breeze. You may be able to allow someone to love you too. Just because you have a flaw doesn't mean you "ARE" flawed. You are not your ear. Your ear is a part of you.

You are not your flaw. Try offering second chances to those who you recognize as flawed and you'll find you become more accepting of yourself as well.

Watch For The Purpose
Everyone is your teacher, healer or student. Every person you lock eyes with for even a brief moment comes your way in order to add something to your life experience. By pushing people away you rob yourself of the growth you could achieve. By deciding not to relate to others out of fear of being misunderstood or hurt you are pushing away the very things you have been praying for or manifesting deep within your heart. The qualities you need to develop to become the person you want to be are developed through your interactions with PEOPLE.

Once the person you meet has fulfilled their purpose they will magically be moved out of the way so that the next person may enter and play a part in shaping your best life. You don't have to push anyone away. You can watch as they play their roles on their own and dismiss themselves just as easily.

You don't need to control everything by pushing them out of your life. Allow life to adjust itself for you. Relax and see what happens.

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How To Survive- A First Date

You must be so nervous right now. You're wondering if you've chosen the right outfit. You're agonizing over whether your shoes match your purse just right. You can't wait to see his face when he notices your new hairstyle.

Should you kiss him?

Will he try to kiss you?

Will this lead to marriage?

Is he your ONE?

I bet you're trying to get a grip on your emotions but your emotions are a clue that you're alive so don't fight them. This is a very exciting time for you. You are at the beginning of a new chapter in your life. You have decided to allow someone new into your personal space and there is so much room for possibilities.

While you hope things don't end up like the LAST relationship did, you're pretty sure you have a fair chance at success. Now it's time to get rid of those jitters to make THIS first date, a date you'll never forget.

Start by:

1. Choosing an outfit that fits your personality. Don't worry about impressing your date with cleavage, be comfortable. This way, you'll be more inclined to show your REAL self, the person your date needs to be exposed to.

2. Disregard his opinion. This date isn't about impressing your date, this date is about having fun with another person who lives on this planet. Who cares if he doesn't like your dress or your food choice? This isn't an audition, this is an opportunity to make a friend. If he expresses disdain over your personality or choices, he's not worth your time. If he doesn't like you, oh well, someone else will.

3. Take your own money and take pictures. If he's a gentleman he will pay but you might need a chance to run out of there if he does something weird like, invite you to a back alley. Cab fare is necessary and so are pictures of his license plate, his face and his ID. If he laughs at you, laugh right with him as you text this vital information to at least 3 friends.

4. Be open minded about this adventure. He doesn't have to agree with you on everything. As long as you can respectfully disagree, you'll be fine.

5. Decide that he may not be THE ONE. If you decide that there's a chance that he's not THE ONE up front, this will turn out to be a better evening overall. By understanding that there are a million different roles he could play in your life including teacher, friend, lover, your best friend's husband, you will open up your heart to receive more than just the fulfillment of your lifelong wedding fantasy.

Have fun! Laugh like no one's watching. Tease him like you would tease your brother. Spill something. Make a mistake. Stumble. Be imperfect.

Be you.

If he's worth it, he'll love every single moment.

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A Common Misconception About Common Law Marriages

We've all heard the term common law marriage which we believe to be defined by living together with our partner for more than 7 years. This is a myth. In fact, you could live with your partner for 20 years and still not reap the benefits of marriage because not every state chooses to acknowledge common law marriages. The following states recognize Common Law Marriages although certain restrictions may apply in each state:

Alabama
Colorado
Georgia
Idaho
Iowa
Kansas
Montana
New Hampshire
Ohio Oklahoma
Pennsylvania
Rhode Island
South Carolina
Texas
Utah
Washington, D.C.

If you do live in one of the states that recognize Common Law marriage, in order to solidify your common law marriage you should:

1. Tell people that you are married.
2. Use the same last name.
3. File joint income taxes.

A common law marriage offers you all the legal benefits of a legal marriage but if you do live in a state that recognizes a common law marriage and you are living with a partner that you do not want to become legally married to, you must do the following:

1) Draft out a letter that states that you and your partner do not intend to be married or legally bound in any way. Include that you are both independent adults co habitating freely.
2) Have this letter signed by a notary and scan it as a picture and email it to yourself for safe keeping.

By agreeing NOT to be married by documenting it in writing in a state that recognizes common law marriages you can save yourself the heartache of having to file for divorce later. Yes, even if you never had a wedding you will have to file for a legal divorce if you and your partner lived as though you were married.

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Thoughts On Friendships & Love

Written By Te-Erika

The true love of your life can come in many forms. It could be your children, your siblings or a romantic partner. In order to identify it you can ask yourself, "Who or what makes my heart sing like a first kiss?" There you go. That's love.

When friends give you advice, it's because they love you. Even when it's 'not so good' advice, it's still great to have the type of friend who is willing to listen and offer the advice in the first place.

Sometimes a break up between friends is the best way to learn to appreciate them.

Love can be experienced at any time. There is no reason to feel that you have to wait until you meet your goals. Love will find you, no matter how much you try to hide.

Honest people appreciate honesty. People who play games appreciate mind games. Decide which one you appreciate and you'll figure out why certain relationships never 'worked out'. Then go and be at peace.

Try being a fool for love, it makes the BEST stories!

Those who have the courage to be their REAL selves are the ones who experience sincere love.

Love your romantic interest the same way you would love your best friend. Don't pressure them, bully them or give them ultimatums. Let go of controlling who they are and how they love you and decide to love them anyway.



Your friends will appreciate the special gifts you give them just as much as they appreciate tokens of love from their romantic partner. Shower your friends with love too.

Love is a decision and not an emotion.

Date as though you're not seeking anything.

A friend is a person who wants to know every detail of your story.

Love isn't limited in number. We were created to share love. You can love more than one person at once.

Love isn't a competition. If you truly love someone, you want them to win.

You know you love someone if you can imagine changing their diapers when they're old.

You're not unlucky at love, you just haven't met the person who deserves you yet.

There's nothing wrong with being the first to say 'I Love You'. The person who deserves to hear it will be blown away by your courage.

You don't have to TRY at love. When it happens, there won't be anything you can do to stop it.

Real love isn't confined by gender. You feel it. You know it. Go with that.

Sometimes you meet people who provide 'clues' to recognize your special someone. No relationship is a total loss because now you know what you like. Look for more of that in everyone you meet. It will lead you to your soul mate.

Most bonds are formed during traumatic situations. Recognize those who cry with you or rush to your rescue. In those eyes, you will experience true love.

Friends are people who know which value meal you like the best.



Love is when you hop in the car headed to your local diner at 3am wearing your pajamas just because your special someone wanted a milkshake.

Love has never been hidden from you. It is just waiting for you to recognize it. It's right there.

Someone who loves you, thinks the way you smell before you take a shower is "cute."

Make a list of all of your flaws. You will be loved anyway. I promise.

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How To Keep A Man

Forget everything you've read about the tricks you need to try to keep a man interested. Those are games and we are grown women. We do not have time for games. In order to attract your soul mate or attract men who are genuinely interested in you, you must understand these 4 principles.


1) In order to keep ANYTHING or ANYONE you must be willing to lose it. This means that you do not place "keeping them/it" above pleasing yourself. You are the most important one in the relationship. Your happiness counts the MOST. If you are with someone and they know that you won't compromise your happiness to keep them they will respect you and want you more. Do not "try" to keep him. If he wants to leave, let him go.

2) Live your best life. Go after your dreams. Don't wait for the other person to want to join the party. Party by yourself. When someone you are with sees that you have a full, fun and exciting life and can live it WITHOUT them, they want to join in. In other words, do the things that make you happy all the time and do not allow any other person to be your primary source of happiness.

3) Be yourself. If you feel like being a bitch then be one. If you feel like being nice then be nice. The person who is meant for you will be able to appreciate ALL of you. If they can't appreciate you then they are not meant for you.

4) Let him put in effort. I'm not saying play games and pretend you're busy when you're not. The main point is: Do not try to lead the relationship. A man knows what he wants and will hate being given ultimatums or being pressured. Men like to feel like they are the ones who come up with the good ideas, unless you have a submissive man. If you have a submissive man you must lead him because he won't know how to lead the relationship. You'll need to train him.

For My Savvy Sisters: Do you believe there is a formula for keeping a man? Do you agree or disagree with these tips?

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How To End An Abusive Relationship

By Te-Erika Patterson


It can be confusing to admit to yourself that you are in an abusive relationship. You may be thinking that you deserve the treatment and if you could just be better it would stop. The truth is, your abuser is only doing what you allow him to do. You have the control. When you are ready for it to stop, it will.



Signs You Are Ready To Stop The Abuse

• You begin to wonder why your abuser is treating you this way.
• You begin to fantasize about leaving.
• You realize that you don’t deserve this treatment.
• You start to notice and admire others who have supportive, healthy relationships.

Everything that you see, that is good, that is peaceful, that is right, is available to you as well. It won’t come if you stay where you are. YOU have to make the change and deal with the consequences. The struggle will not last forever. The beginning is the struggle, the breakthrough is the commencement of the evolution away from your current state and your final resting place will be peace.

You can not change your abuser. You can not make them stop. They have gotten into a habit of treating you this way because you accepted it once, twice and many more times. To change the behavior would take a complete remaking of your relationship. A counselor can not help you, only you can.

You have to let your abuser know that this behavior is unacceptable. This is not about words or threats, this is about taking action. You must leave this situation immediately. Breaking all ties is the only way. Even if you desire to be with this person again, it will never be what you want it to be if you do not break the cycle now. You can not force the healing process.

Your abuser will have to undergo his own personal transformation, on his own terms, in order for things to be different. Do not stop your life waiting for him because there are so many ways that you are going to grow during this period and focusing/praying for his recovery will stunt that growth. You are responsible for yourself. You are only responsible for your own growth. This will not be your last chance for love.

To get help with moving on from this abusive relationship physically, you can find information on this Violence Against Women page.

There IS help available. I used it once when I needed to get away and I received a grant to change residences.

Take a deep breath. Recognize that this is a defining moment in your life and fight through your fears right now. Move forward. Your peaceful life is waiting. You won't be a victim for long.

For My Savvy Sisters: Were you ever in an abusive relationship? How did you get out? What is your life like now?

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How To Argue Productively

If you’re a living being on planet Earth at some point you’ve had a heated discussion with another person whose opinion was different from your own. These heated discussions become arguments when the people involved are focused more on proving that they are right than gaining a firm understanding of what the other person is saying/feeling and expressing their differences in way that brings both parties to a mutual understanding of what they believe individually.

If you are engaged in a conversation where the other party does not agree with your point of view you should care about preserving the respect and integrity of the relationship despite the difference in opinion.

If you don’t care about the person’s feelings or view you might:

1. Behave immaturely by calling them names like DUMB or STUPID BITCH.
2. Scream at them.
3. Demonstrate inactive listening by cutting them off while they are speaking.
4. Focus your eyes on their mouths to see when they pause so you can get your words out.
5. Hang up in their face and send insulting text messages immediately. (If you’re on the phone.)
6. Walk away while they are talking.

No one involved in such an immature discussion will benefit from it. Negative emotions are running rampant and there’s no turning back unless you take control of the situation by:

1. Lowering your voice so that the other person is forced to lower their voice in order to hear you.
2. Understanding that their viewpoint is just as important as yours.
3. Listening to what they are saying and trying to understand why they feel that way.

Don't Say: That's some off the wall mess you're talking. No one thinks the way you do.

Say: “I understand that you feel that XYZ. I can see why you would feel that way.”

This helps by validating their feelings which will immediately cause the other person to become less defensive leading them to be more receptive to listening to your view.

4. Asking questions about their view. One of the most simple desires of this human life is to be heard and understood. When you take the time to question them in a non aggressive way, you actually satisfy that desire and allow them to express their opinion and even re consider if they want to continue to hold that viewpoint.

Don’t Say: What the hell is wrong with you? That’s a dumb idea!
Say: I’m not sure if I agree with that. Why do you feel that way?

5. Changing the conversation with a joke and a compliment. This infuses love and laughter into the situation and you can carry on with your relationship in a healthy way.

Don’t Say: Your crazy ass needs to go see a therapist! (That’s not funny. It’s hurtful.)
Say: Even though there’s no way I would do what you’re about to do, I still think you’re sexy.

Make friends. Be nice. Make love.

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How to Train (Motivate) Your Man

By Te-Erika Patterson

Originally posted on www.Alphanista.com

Regardless of his personality type, regardless of his race, regardless of his financial status there are really only TWO different types of men that exist; dominant and submissive. If you want to pull your man towards his best life and push him to be on his best behavior at all times, all you have to do is recognize which type of man you have and then train him.

The Dominant Man

The dominant man is recognized by his confidence in his abilities and the way he makes decisions without needing a consensus. He trusts his own judgment and expects you to respect and trust him too. To motivate this man to be his best, take good care of you and his empire you need to:

· Consistently adore him

· Pamper him

· Respect and support his decisions

· Remind him that he is a King

· Make his home his paradise

· Stay sexy and eager to please

· Feed him

· Be his biggest cheerleader

The dominant man will appreciate a woman who is submissive and plays a role that completely caters to his needs and wants in life. He will probably have a big bark, yelling out orders and throwing his weight around but he does still love you. He exercises his authority aggressively both in the office and at home and it makes him feel like more of a man to have his lady looking sexy and consistently ready to please, without an attitude or objection.

The Submissive Man

The submissive man is recognized by his constant need for reassurance. He needs your approval before he does anything and he adores affection and being petted. He doesn’t really know how to be dominant and he doesn’t want to be. He needs a woman to make him be a better man by:

· Questioning his decision making

· Making him earn home cooked meals

· Rationing out sex as a reward for good behavior

· Punishing him by making him sleep on the couch (or kicking him out the house)

· Belittling him by reminding him that his life would be nothing without you

· Never giving oral sex unless it is your anniversary or he does something outstanding

· Consistently threatening to leave him if he does not meet your expectations

· Constantly critiquing his efforts

The submissive man will appreciate a woman who treats him like a dog because this delights him. Somewhere along the line he was trained to believe that this behavior is indicative of a real woman. He loves a woman with an attitude and would reject any woman who adores him. He has no clue how to be a better man on his own so he needs your aggressive guidance and fully appreciates it.

For More Information on this endeavor, try reading the ebook How To Train Your Man.

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