REBUILD: Feeling Defective?

When you're in the process of rebuilding your life, at some point you will look around you and feel sad. Your life looks like a huge mess.

You may have thoughts like:

What have I done to myself?
Why didn't things work out in my past?
What is so WRONG with ME that I can't seem to get it together?

In essence, you are feeling defective like a wind up toy without the spring.

If you want to, you can marinate in that pity state of mind, allowing the sadness to overtake you. This will cause you to miss out on the clues you need to move forward.

If you're one of My Savvy Sisters, you'll allow yourself the chance to feel sad for a few minutes and then you'll break out of that negative vibe by:

Understanding that TODAY IS TEMPORARY.
Today is ALWAYS temporary. Through the highs and lows, this too, shall pass. There is no need to fall into the abyss of self pity because this emotion you're feeling and the self judgment of failure are your choice. This situation will not last for long. Things WILL change, if you decide to take ACTION to move toward your desired lifestyle.

Magnifying the good times.
Did someone make you smile recently? Did you receive a blessing out of the blue? Something good has happened to you and you should try to take that moment and relive it again and again. It doesn't matter what it was, someone could have given you a compliment that made you blush, you may have met someone that caused butterflies in your stomach or you could have heard a joke that gave you a gut wrenching laugh. Choose one of these 'happy thoughts' and replay the thought over and over in your mind, especially when you find yourself starting to become sad. Then continue to look out for more of these moments where you feel bliss. You CHOOSE which thoughts to magnify. These thoughts dictate your mood which in turn dictate your perspective on life. Choose the good ones.

Allowing the transitions.
Change equals progress. All change leads you toward your desired life. All losses are really gains, setting you up for your greatest wishes to come true. You can not have your current life and the life of your dreams at the same time. How could you? Things MUST change. Things MUST transition. Something has to be moved out of the way if you've ever hoped for something better. Allow the transitions and do not punish yourself for not being able to hold on to the past. You've had that old experience already, aren't you ready for something new? Move on with your life and into your new adventure. Allow your transitions to happen with the belief that you will prosper and the peace of mind that comes with knowing that you are divinely cared for because you ARE.

You are NOT defective.

There is nothing WRONG with you.

You are transforming and shedding your skin and you're going to be so pretty when you're all done. Allow it.

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REBUILD: Locked Up

There was a warrant out for my arrest and I spent two nights in jail. Here are the details of my experience.

VIDEO BELOW the jump!

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Your World News Report - July 27, 2011

Berlyne Julmis

News Coordinator

Amy Winehouse Dead at 27

Amy Winehouse, 27, was found dead in her London home. Winehouse who is best known for her single “Rehab” is suspected to have died from a drug overdose. Winehouse was the first British singer to win five out of six Grammy Nominations. Winehouse accomplishments were overshadowed by her long battle with drugs and alcohol. Many friends, mourners, and fans spilled out onto the internet in shock at the songstress untimely death. Family and friends held a private cremation ceremony in northern London to celebrate Winehouse life. Mitch Winehouse expressed plans to create a foundation for struggling addicts in his daughter’s honor.

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91 Die in Norway Senseless Massacre

Anders Behring Breivik, 32, confessed to killing 91 people on Oslo Island in Norway. Suspect dressed as a police officer and proceeded to gun down his victims assassinating 84--seven more people died following an explosion. The 91 victims killed in Norway massacre are now being revealed--among the victims was 45 year old Monica Bosei who worked at the island’s camp and known to all as “Mother Utoya” was shot dead when she tried to alert an actual off-duty officer. The off duty officer was discovered to be Trond Berntsen, 51, the stepbrother of Norway’s Princess Mette-Marit. Some of the victims were attending a retreat at the island’s camp. Breivik’s attorney believes his client to be insane--Breivik purpose for the attack was to save Europe from Muslims by launching a revolution. As Breivik trial is most likely a year away Breivik’s attorney said it is too early to announce an insanity plea.

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Four Children Shot in Northwest Miami-Dade Park

Four children shot in Northwest Miami Dade Park after two masked gunmen opened fire allegedly after adults who were playing on the basketball court. The gunmen used an AK-47 and a high-caliber handgun in the shooting, but the gunmen have not been identified. Three of the victims have been released from the hospital and the fourth is in stable condition. Police are asking the community to help bring the gunmen to justice.

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Debt Ceiling Deadline Creeps Up

The House of Representative postpone vote on Speaker John Boehner’s plan to raise the debt ceiling. The proposed plan did not cut as much spending as the Speaker announced –the plan would only trim down $850 billion instead of the $1.2 trillion promised. Majority of House Republicans do not support the plan and would not vote the pass Boehner’s plan. President Obama and Congress Democrats also oppose the plan--the president has stress he will veto the plan. Speaker Boehner will revise his plan and the House is set to vote on the revised plan on Thursday. Democrat Senate leader Harry Reid also proposed a plan which will cut down $2.7 trillion, but has no entitlements or tax changes. If congress does not avert a government shutdown the U.S. credit limit will most likely increase. If a deal is not met by the August 5^th deadline Americans interest rate will increase as the dollar value decreases. The world waits to see if congress will reach a compromise plan which will raise the $14.3 trillion debt limit with only six days before deadline.

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Worldwide Grant Programs

Compiled by B.J. Schmidt

Grants are sources of money from organizations set aside to help people to obtain their career or social objectives. Listed below are a sampling of worldwide grant programs available to assist you.

1. European Foundation Center

www.efc.be

2. US International Grantmaking Website

www.usig.org

3. Wingsweb

www.wingsweb.org/index.cfm

4. Grantsmanship Center

www.tgci.org

5. http://foundationcenter.org/getstarted/international

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Advance Directives for Medical Care

By Brenda M. Hook

“I need to know your decision..”

My thoughts went to my brother and I playing hide and seek at my parents house. We always had so much fun,and we were not just close in age (13 months to the day), we did everything together growing up. He protected me. He…

“Ms. Hook..I NEED TO KNOW YOUR DECISION. We don’t have a lot of time.”

This was not a decision that a sister should have to make for her brother but it was up to me to decide. Should I try to save him or let him die?

This is the decision I was faced with when 2 weeks ago, I was asked if I wanted to take my brother off of life support or have him transported to another hospital for tests and a subsequent operation to remove a blood clot from his aorta.

“Who the hell am I to decide such a thing?” I wondered out loud.

“You’re his sister,” the doctor replied.

"Do you know if my brother had an advance directive," I asked my aunt.

“No,” my aunt replied quietly. “He didn’t.”

If only he did.

If he had an advance directive in place, a simple form that explains what type of care you want in the case of a medical emergency when death is imminent and you are unable to express your wishes, it would have relieved me of this monstrous decision. It legally takes the guess work, guilt and stress away from your loved ones by allowing you to express your decisions to health care professionals and family ahead of time if you are faced with an illness that you are unlikely to recover from.

Advance directives usually tell your doctor that you don’t want treatment in certain circumstances, or that you want a certain treatment regardless of how ill you are.

An advance directive is a specific guidelines that express how you feel about care intended to sustain life. You can choose to accept or refuse medical care.

Some of the issues that your directive needs to address are:

• The use of dialysis or respirator
• If you want to be resuscitated if breathing or heartbeat stops (DNR order)
• Nourishment and fluids
• Organ or tissue donation

Anyone that is at least 18 years of age can draw up an Advance Directive, but you should be aware of the laws that apply to your state. Once you are satisfied with your Directive, it should be notarized and a copy given to your doctor and to your family. You may change or cancel your directive at any time, as long as you are mentally capable of making that decision. Changes can be made in writing or at the hospital.

Please don’t put someone that you love in the position that I was in. Make your wishes known. You don’t have to be old, or sick to have a Directive. My brother was 44 years old at the time of his death, and I believe in my heart that I did the right thing for him. But sometimes, I still wonder.

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REBUILD: He Brings Me Joy

I get this really good feeling when I think of him.

I am grateful for the feeling.

I'm not even upset with myself like I usually am when I find a man attractive. I know that my past attractions to men garnered horrific results yet, I am thoroughly enjoying this feeling. He can try to hurt me. He can rape me. He can sabotage my success. All of that can happen and I don't care. All I know is, right now, the mere thought of him brings my heart complete joy.

This past weekend I spent time with him. He took me to eat seafood which I love and then we went to the accessory store and I cried with happiness as my eyes and fingertips fondled the rows and rows of earrings, belts and necklaces.

Accessories make me happy. So happy.

Then if that wasn't enough- he took me to the book store.

There I was in the middle of the afternoon in the most beautiful place in the world surrounded by books, all shiny and new. I immediately went to the self improvement section to scan the titles and I met a woman there. Then I drifted over to the philosophy section and then the christian inspiration section. I finally made my way over to the eastern philosophy section and sat there shaking my head because I get it.

Hundred of books in that section all trying to say the same thing. The titles were creative but the subject matter is all trying to teach the same topic: enlightenment.

You can't teach that. You reach enlightenment when you can understand that nothing matters. That's a long road to travel.

I'm there already.

So I want to include this man I met in this story because, well, he's made an impact on me even though it doesn't matter if anything ever comes of this.

This man I met. I met him a while ago through my project. He seems to be a fan of my work and I am grateful to have his support. He's older. He's 52.

The first time I met him I didn't think much of him. He invited me to dinner that same weekend and I went, not thinking much of the experience except, when he dropped me off back to the shelter, I felt warm inside.

Each time he crossed my mind I felt warm. I liked that feeling so I would think of him often. I didn't get to see him again for over a month and when I did, the warm good feeling intensified. I had a feeling he had a crush on me. But then again, I'm so vain I think everyone is in love with me. Maybe he's just being nice because he loves my project.

Regardless, when we hung out this weekend something beautiful happened. Sitting next to him in his car and riding from one end of town to the next- something about it felt so beautiful and so right. I needed that.

The only part of our time together that wasn't wonderful was when we had to say goodbye. I was so upset.

But then I went back to the shelter and grabbed my bag and headed to the park to clear my mind, trying to understand the feelings I was experiencing. I am definitely attracted to both men and women yet, I usually regret any exchanges with men. I am not attracted to them physically for the most part and I usually feel that tingly feeling when I am with a woman I like, but, I feel that everytime I think about him.

I like that feeling so I think about him often.

As I sat at the park thinking of him, I called up a friend to chat and told her all about my recent adventures. Then I called up a guyfriend and he invited me to hang out with him and his daughter. I went, taking along a bottle of wine to provoke even more laughter.

We vibed. By the end of the night, or early morning, we were both sitting on the porch outside his condo and laughing when he looked at me and said, "I really like you, Tee."

I smiled.

That was nice to hear except- Why the hell do I keep thinking about the older man?

This man is 52 years old but I feel like I'm my REAL SELF when I'm with him. I feel cared for and although he's not a big talker, I feel precious and special and I want more of that.

After hanging out with both of those men, in the wake of my sexual assault I am thinking that my problem in the past with men has to have something to do with the type of men I chose. I usually chose men who were younger than I am. They come happily into my life, with their hands out needed me to help them or they come with their hands on their penis trying to stick it in as soon as they can.

The older man didn't do that. He didn't touch me at all.

He didn't touch me at all. That has never happened before.

I am so confused. I don't even like men unless I feel like I can help them in some way or unless it's that time of the year when I choose one to get my personal oil change. I'm not sure he can even change my oil, if you know what I mean.

Maybe he's going to be a friend or a teacher or someone important in my life. Maybe he'll disappear like all the rest. All I know is that right now, at this moment, when I think of him it feels like pure bliss.

I like that.

I need that.

There's so much drama and sadness around me and he is a bright point.

I am so grateful.

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REBUILD: I'm Still Okay

I'm not depressed. I'm not feeling sad. I don't feel overwhelmed by anything except the fact that I really need a consistent place to work and rest.

Yes, I ended up in a situation where a man took advantage of me sexually but I feel like it's mostly my own fault and I'm not even angry with him. I just want to move on from this. I've been getting letters of concern from women everywhere and I appreciate that but then I feel guilty because it's like offering a band aid to someone who isn't bleeding.

I'm okay.

I'm glad that I'm okay. It's not a super strength that I have, it's really just, I have too much to do besides focus on that incident. The police called me today while I was sleeping and I didn't call them back. I don't want to. I don't want a bunch of people sitting in my face blaming ME when I already blame myself.

I wish this hadn't happened or better yet, I wish I hadn't told anyone.

Today I came to my little sister's house. This is the first time since this project began and she has been inviting me to come take a break but I have turned her down because I needed to focus on my project and offering wisdom to women. I see that's where I went wrong. I wouldn't accept her offer of help but I was willing to accept a strangers.

I'm not trying to make this more difficult on myself. If I was aiming to do that I would have left the shelter and chose the street life a long time ago. I'm nowhere near perfect it's just, I, I think I am growing too fast and no one understands that nothing matters.

Nothing matters.

Everything in my experience is on loan to me. My sons are on loan to me. My family is on loan to me. My life is on loan to me and there is no guarantee when my time will be up. I have dedicated myself to serving women and teaching them how to survive and thrive yet, I know that I have to make choices that will sustain my own happiness. I'm already in a rough enough situation with very little time for joy or pleasure.

I'm learning a lot. Things I wish I hadn't learned and I'm experiencing things that I would never have experienced had I not chosen this path yet, I'm good. I'm good with everything from this moment. My failures teach me. My mistakes heal me.

My heart guides me and although I know that my success and financial sustenance will come to me, I am still here, with nothing, waiting for my next direction, hoping for a chance. The same chance I walked away from a few years ago when I had the job of my dreams and I didn't know what anxiety was and that I was suffering from it.

I beat myself up about walking away from that for years. It wasn't until I began this project that I really understood that my path wasn't meant to find success through a job. Not like that one.

I don't even know if it makes sense or if this project makes any sense all I know is that right now I have a job that I love and all I need is a place to live with a strong five bar wifi connection and someone to smile at me every so often.

I don't need revenge or justice. The world can rape me and take everything I have. Everyone can decide that they hate me. None of my dreams can come true. I can be denied love and my life can even be taken away.

I'll be okay.

And even when I'm not, I'm still okay.

I'm not a superwoman today. It's just a decision I made to not be devastated.

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REBUILD: The Aftermath Of Rape

Last weekend I was sexually assaulted after a man I met offered me housing. I was so excited by the chance to finally have a place to call my own where I can rest.

I was stupid. I don't even know what else to say. I'm moving on from this.

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EDITORIAL: What Happened to the Republic?

By Christina Fermin
Politics & Society Columnist

I recently took interest in reading our wonderful Constitution of the united States of America and took note of a fact, right there in Article 4, Section 4 in plain text “The united States shall guarantee to every State in the Union a Republican form of Government....” How interesting, especially since school, government and the mediai have always taught that we are a Democratic-Republican form of government. More recently, we are a “Democracy,” so much so that we have to gone to other countries and spread (cough/forced) this democracy onto others. So how have we so silently gone from Republican to Democratic-Republic to Democracy?

One of our founding fathers, John Adams warned us, he once said “Remember, democracy never lasts long. It soon exhausts and murders itself. There never was a democracy yet that did not commit suicide.” Aside from John Adams, Thomas Jefferson even said, “A democracy is nothing more than a mob rule, where fifty-one percent may take away the rights of the other forty-nine.” What were our founding fathers warning us about? It seems to me, during my investigation, while the difference between a Republican form of government and a Democracy are minor, the one main difference make all the difference in the world.

A Democracy is ruled by a majority period, a Republic controls the majority to protect the rights of the individuals sovereign unalienable rights given to by a Constitution therefore protecting the minority. In short, a Democracy is ruled by a vote, while a Republic is ruled by laws and a Constitution. These are two very different forms of government; why is that television, school, and our current government are so unanimously promoting democracy while right there in our Constitution it says ‘every state shall guarantee a Republican form of government.’ As Thomas Jefferson indicated, a democracy is really nothing more than a mob rule.

Today our “democracy” has very much turned into a plutocracy (mob rule). Today we are ruled openly by a very powerful elite group of people. In 2005 Citigroup release a memo, popularized by Michael Moore titled : “Revisiting Plutonomy: The Rich Getting Richer,” the document has become difficult to track down on the internet, but I was able to get a copy of it here (http://dl.dropbox.com/u/4914840/Citigroup%20Plutonomy%20Report%20Part%202.pdf). It goes on about income disparity and how they believe the wealthy will continue to get richer, and that Consumer Finance data indicate “the rich continue to be in great shape. We thought this was good time to bang the drum on plutonomy.”

Wow! As they boast about victory being achieved at the top for plutocratic rule. This is disturbing, and you as the individual not apart of this plutocratic rule should be very worried and see how in danger our great nation really is. While the media tried getting your attention on terrorists and what is happening beyond the borders, what we should really fear is the very men and women who sit in D.C. claiming to be our representatives. Claiming to protect and serve the rights of the people and uphold the Constitution of the united States of America, meanwhile receiving large sums of money and donations from corporations and very powerful individuals to serve their interests.

As “secret” meetings are being conducted without the invite of the media or the people, (i.e. Bilderberg group and Bohemian grove). Who are these plutocrats? What are they discussing? What are their motives and do they at all take our interests into those meetings? Or are we mere sheep and cattle, a number, producers of labor for profit? These are the questions that need to be raised, these are the people who need the attention of the media to answer to the people. We the people are suffering, will you take a stand, will you demand for accountability, will you demand for real transparency? Will you fight for the Republic that was created for free peoples, or will you allow the Plutocratic rule that we have seen take shape more recently creep further into your government, your schools, your healthcare, your religion, your internet and your home? I think not.

Peace & Harmony,
Christina

About the Columnist
With a bachelors degree in political science from Florida Atlantic University, Christina Fermin has always cultivated her love for history, politics, sociology, ancient knowledge and teachings, the outdoors, the ocean and the environment. Christina strives to make our world better by helping us all create a new reality and understanding of all taking place here and now.

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