Te-Erika's Blog: Let's Hear It For My Boys

My boys are on Spring Break this week. They went to spend time at their Daddy's timeshare and go to Disney World and all that jazz. I wish they knew how blessed they are, but they don't, they think it's regular to go to Disney, have cell phones and have a Dad who's a lawyer and all of their parents friends are young Black professionals. It's good to see a life change in the future of my children.

I dream about giving them more. In my mind, when I'm done with this life they will never really HAVE to work, but I'm sure they'll build on what I have built for them and their children's children's children will wonder, "What was our family like before we had this empire?"

Hmm. That's my dream, to change the financial futures of my sons and all of their kids after that. I don't know how but I know it can be done. I Study, STUDY, STUDY success stories and really all it takes is ONE PERSON to learn how to create wealth and then to pass those habits on to their children. I haven't reached the point where I have created any wealth for myself yet but Ill figure it out, teach them how, and then they'll have to make sure they can sustain it. I've been brainstorming businesses to buy them so they can learn how to mange at a young age. Right now I'm thinking of a laundromat and a duplex.

My boys and I went out to the bowling alley with my sister and her man the other night. It was rave bowling. It was so much fun. I hate bowling, I hate games in general but for some reason I had so much fun that night that I wouldn't mind going again.

I always feel like I'm super high when I'm with my sons. Having them in my presence feels better than any orgasm I've ever experienced. Nothing feels better. I can't imagine how any mother puts her man before her kids because men make me feel sad all the time, I'm always disappointed, but with my kids, it's all love.

I called their Daddy up the other night just to talk. I think I scared him. Ok so he has a girlfriend. My boys adore her. She's better than the last girl he had. I have no issues with her or the fact that he's with someone else. I used to, back when I thought that him being with someone else meant that something was wrong with ME. I don't think that way anymore.

I used to think I was a victim and that he had all the power but not anymore. Sometimes I find myself becoming angry at the things he put me through but I've learned to not be mad anymore. People who try to hurt you will only get satisfaction if they see that they did. I used to give him the satisfaction but that day is gone. When I think about him, tears come to my eyes because, believe it or not, he's an awesome Dad. He's so different from me, in all the ways that my sons need. I would have spoiled them and had them crippled in life because I want to give them ALL THE LOVE, but he makes them take care of themselves and be responsible and keeps them accountable.

He sows a lot of his time into their lives. He manages his job and our two boys plus he has another daughter too. He's so good at it all. I can't believe I'm writing this but, I admire him. I did a good job with choosing him when we dated back in college and I didn't even know we would be tied together forever. I hear so many horror stories about baby daddies and mine used to be a horror story until I stopped thinking I was a victim and started making the most out of the situation. When I stopped thinking I was a victim, I stopped being one.

I've learned that shit doesn't really have to turn out like you expect it in order for it to be GOOD. Surprises can be good too. Twists and turns in life can end up being great. Someone walking out of your life or telling you they don't want to be a part of it in the way you want them to could ultimately be the best thing that ever happens to you. I've learned to let go. I'm okay with not having what I want from life. Maybe if I had gotten exactly what I wanted from him or what I expected from life, I wouldn't be as happy as I am at this moment.

I have healing in my life and I don't hurt anymore over him or any man. I'm good. My boys are great and maybe some of my dreams might even be coming true. You never know.

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She's Got Skillz: Pagan Erotica Novelist

MySavvySisters celebrates women who love to showcase their personalities through the creative arts. This Pulitzer Prize nominated Pagan Erotica novelist is one of the most intriguing women we have had the chance to encounter.

In this interview we get to know her in a very profound way as she shares some of the obstacles she had to overcome in her quest to share her erotic writing, the importance of lust and love and why she believes Paganism empowers her life. She calls herself a sex witch, but don't be afraid, her writing casts spells like the Good Witch of the West.


Laura Stamps
Pagan Erotica Novelist
AVampskiss
My Kindle ebooks (all $0.99)


MSS: If someone asked you to describe yourself in one sentence what would you say?

Laura: I'm the Hooker with a Heart of Gold.

MSS: Those who love you the most love you because...

Laura: I'm a sweet Beta and all heart. I also never back down. When lemons come my way I make lemonade. Period.

MSS: What led you to begin writing erotica with such an interesting slant?

Laura: I'm a Wiccan Faery Witch, Otherkin Fey, and a sexual sorceress. That makes me a SexWitch, which is how most people on the web know me (the "SexWitch"). Sex is not only my career, but I have a raging hot libido, and I'm kinky as hell. As a novelist, I thought it was time someone wrote fiction that portrayed Pagans realistically. Not to mention Pagan men are some of the sexiest in any universe. Yum! For many people Witches, vampires, shapeshifters, and Fey are "paranormal." For those of us who are Pagan and half human (Otherkin), those kinds of beings are "normal." So my career choice was a natural for me. ~lol~

MSS: Briefly describe paganism and why it empowers you as a woman?

Laura: There are all kinds of different Pagan paths. Some are spiritual, some aren't. I'm a Wiccan. Wicca works for me because we follow two rules: 1.) The Wiccan Rede (do as you will as long as it hurts no one) and 2.) The Rule of Three (whatever you say, do, or think will come back to you 3-fold). I'm a royal Seelie from the High Court. The Seelie are known for their code of honor, so being Wiccan jives well with that for me. Most Pagan paths are feminist in that we worship one or more Goddesses from a variety of pantheons. When people ask me about Wicca, I tell them it's a basically peaceful, feminist, nature religion.

MSS: What is the most misunderstood aspect of your lifestyle and how do you help people to understand it?

Laura: Today is a good example. A woman I know found out who I am (the best-selling Pagan Erotica Novelist in the world). She's a funde Christian. We have always gotten along well. Today she treated me like the Devil's Spawn. I can understand why she thinks that. There have been waaaaaay too many false rumors spread about Pagans for the last 2000+ years by the major religions. Plus, I live in the Deep South Bible Belt. When she decides to talk to me again I will tell her: 1.) Pagans don't worship the Devil (or Satan) because we don't believe in him and 2.) Christianity invented the Devil, not Pagans.

As a Wiccan, I'm what they call a "White Witch." We go around doing good all day. I often say a White Witch is the best friend you could ever have since we live by the two Rules I mentioned above. Just imagine how different the world would be if the major religions lived by The Rede and the Rule of Three?

MSS: Can you describe the process behind organizing and writing your books? What inspires you?

Laura: I write 3 fiction series and one nonfiction Memoir series. "The Witchery Series" is the main fiction series. It is the only one that is not erotica. That's because romantic erotica didn't become popular until after 2005. The first book in this series (The Witches of Dixie) is an anthology of the first 4 novels and novellas in this series written from 1997 - 2003 and published by other publishers who eventually went out of biz (like many publishers do).

When I sold the series to Trytium Publishing in 2007, he put those 4 books together in one book. That novel is the only one of mine with no sex or romance because of the time period in which it was written. Instead it is very empowering for women and incredibly magickal. It's actually one of my fans' favs. The next two novels in that trilogy were published in 2007 and 2008 with Trytium. The second is a romance, and the third is erotic romance. All the other series (The Rune Witch trilogy and The Manigault Vampires) are erotica, and are spin-off series from this one.

My novels are all character-driven. The same cast of characters wanders through each one no matter the series, so readers never feel lost. All are Pagan and empowering, containing real spells, chants, and rituals. Because my books are character-driven I allow my characters to tell their story. They rarely follow an outline so I don't use one. They determine how long a book will be.

Because I started out in this biz 24 years ago as a poet, all my novels are handwritten in one spiral notebook after another until they are finished. A novel usually takes a month to write in first draft this way. I just figure out the hero/heroine, the plot, the climax, the ending, set the scene for the first chapter, and let my characters tell the story. Several universities collect my papers and archives, and they love the handwritten notebooks. Then I begin the tedious process of editing. That usually takes 8 months for a novel because I am a meticulous editor, and my readers expect a high level of quality from my books.

MSS: What role does romantic love play in your life and work?

Laura: Love is my magickal energy and my destiny. Love is the most powerful form of energy in any universe. Romantic love is everything to me. My novels are all romantic. I'm a very sexual woman. I want to be loved and appreciated by a man. Lust and sex go together for me. I can't and won't separate them. And I won't settle for less.

MSS: How do you define success and how do you suggest other women define it?

Laura: Success is any goal you achieve, large or small. I was an artist before I changed careers at 30. I had always been told I had writing talent when I was in high school and college but I am also dyslexic. Painting was easier for me, and I won lots of awards for it. My paintings are still sold worldwide by my fine art publisher in California (Haddad's Fine Arts, Inc.) as prints and posters.

But by the time I was 30 I gave up the struggle and taught myself how to write. That is success because it took 4 years. Since then I have published 53 books with various publishers. My stories and poems have been published in over 1000 magazines and anthologies, including the 2004 anthology "Open My Eyes, Open My Soul" edited by Yolanda King, Martin Luther King's daughter. In that book my poems are next to those by Maya Angelou, Muhammad Ali, and Stevie Wonder. I was also nominated for the Pulitzer Prize in 2005, and my resume of awards and honors is over 80 pages long. That is success for a dyslexic.

In 2009 I went with an agent who also had Donald Trump as a client. I was trying to reach the next step in my career. I was approaching 50 and tired of working my cute little ass off 24/7. Instead he killed my career. By the time I dumped him in 2010 I was just about ruined. He had let me go 16 months without a new book being published, and I lost almost all my fans. My income was down to $30 a month in royalties. At the same time my husband fell in with a bad crowd, and my marriage crashed. It was the kind of complete and total disaster some women never recover from.

What did I do? I stopped talking for a week while I took a look at what had happened. It scared the daylights out of everyone close to me. Then I said, "Fuck this shit!" I hit the ground running and I took control again, working my ass of until 4:00am every morning 7 days a week for 18 months. I went into ebook, built up my fan base, and became the best-selling Pagan Erotica novelist in the world. Now my books spend more time on the Kindle bestsellers lists now than off. I was blessed by the small group of fans who did stick with me. I was blessed to met an incredible woman with the techy skills I needed (Alex), and she helped me enter the ebook market with my company, Kittyfeather Press. I also re-signed with Trytum for paperback rights of "The Witchery Series" after my exagent bought my contract out the year before. That is success for a woman whose career and personal life were destroyed by clueless Alpha men.

In 2011, I burned out twice from exhaustion, my fiancé died, and by the end of the year I had met and fallen in love with a wonderful sweet man. My goal this year is to cut my schedule back to humane hours and make room for my incredible love life with this man. Each time I get closer to this goal that is how I define success at the moment.

In April I will be 55. I'm a runner and an organic vegetarian and model in my trashy panties for the covers of my Memoir Series. It's been a helluva ride, and it ain't over yet! ~wink~ Like I said, success is any goal you achieve, large or small. Women achieve both kinds every year. And every time we do we should celebrate because we are AWESOME!!

Vibe with the Sex Witch by visiting her on:

Twitter: http://twitter.com/sexwitch
My Pagan social site, Pagan-Place: http://www.pagan-place.com/profile/LauraStamps
Google Plus: http://www.gplus.to/SexWitch

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How To Survive- A Divorce

It's over.

You knew it when the final papers were signed. You moved out. Your ring finger is now bare. There's an empty space where your spouse used to be. What do you do now?

Working through the after effects of a divorce is much like dealing with a break up. You will spend some time mourning the loss but what you are really mourning is the loss of your projected future. You thought that you would grow old together. That is what you hoped for years ago when you stood in your white dress promising to love each other forever. Somehow things didn't work out as planned and now you sit, rejoining the throngs of single women.

If this was your first marriage, you should celebrate because you've gotten over the romantic idealism that first marriages seem to bring. Much like crushes on celebrities you romanticize what a relationship will be like and then when reality hits you and you realize that you are living with an actual person and NOT the fantasy person you made up, you are sorely disappointed.

You will continue to be disappointed in yourself and the loss of the relationship until you want to get over it. Your pity party lasts as long as you decide. You don't have to be sad that your relationship ended. Your life didn't begin when you got married, why should it end there?

Now that you've moved past the hump of a first marriage you are able to more clearly define what you want and don't want from a relationship. No, you are not a failure. No, you didn't sabotage your whole life. No, that was NOT your last chance at love.

Ask yourself: What am I now free to do that my relationship was holding me back from doing?

Now go do it! This is your opportunity to engage in those once forbidden activities and really indulge yourself in self love. Treat yourself the way you always wanted to be treated. Give yourself the best that life has to offer. It is your turn to do something amazing with your life.

Your ability to link up with one person and stay with them for the rest of your life is not the way to gauge your value. That relationship does not define you. No relationship defines you outside of the one you have with yourself. Men will come and go. Those who are meant to stay will be there without much effort on your part.

Be open to life cycles of beginnings and endings and let the chips fall where they may. Wherever you end up on this roulette called life, is exactly where you are supposed to be. Now stop crying, look around you and ask yourself- How can this lead to my biggest adventure yet?

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My Savvy Sister of The Week- LaShanda Henry

LaShanda Henry
Greenville, North Carolina

LaShanda Henry owns over 15 web properties with an interest in developing positive websites for people of color. She also offers her services as both a web developer and marketing coach to online entrepreneurs. Today she is a widely respected figure among African American women, a success story among success stories that no female internet entrepreneur is afraid to admit that she has studied and gained wisdom from.

Her passion for teaching women how to prosper began as an attempt to fill a void. “I felt there was a need for more positive reflections of black women online, which lead me to launch Multiple Shades of You Online,” LaShanda shares. “As I worked on MSOY I began developing other websites, which attracted attention. Eventually others began asking me to develop websites for them or answer their marketing questions, which lead to me transition into the service industry and the rest is history.”

This ‘history’ tells the fascinating tale of a woman whose approachable demeanor and clear cut teaching acumen has propelled her toward an unimaginable success. In order to make her dream of becoming a entrepreneur come true, LaShanda took a risk that changed her life forever.

Leaving my job and my home in New York and moving to North Carolina was a huge challenge for me,” she admits. “I made about $500 the 1st month I worked at home in NC. I felt truly blessed when I printed the 1st issue of SistaSense In Print Magazine and talked about my $5 to $50,000 transformation because that was a hard road to travel. For me the key to growth was being in tune to feedback; when people asked me for a service I learned how to turn questions into new income streams. I also researched internet marketing, affiliate marketing, and Adsense all of which helped to subsidize my monthly income and help it grow.”

LaShanda believes self motivation is at the heart of all of her work, “If you can’t self motivate yourself to get things done through fear, doubt, judgment, procrastination and all the other things that can possibly stand in your way, you will find that you never really get anything done. Self motivation is the key.”

One of the benefits of running an online empire, LaShanda believes, is her ability to be a stay at home Mom. "The best part of working at home is being accessible to my son and being able to travel and work from anywhere,” LaShanda says. “The down side of being your own BOSS is there is no clock-out time, so balancing family and business is an on-going challenge that I face.”

Most women will never realize their dream of entrepreneurship because they face unnamed fears about losing everything. LaShanda aggressively attacks this fear every day. “You have to fight your fear,” she says. “I have had so many times when I tried something new and I was so scared my stomach was in knots. Right now I am working on my new local socials and sometimes I get so anxious I want to say, ‘forget it!’ We are always going to be afraid to some degree, but the truth is that your next level begins where your comfort level ends. If you don’t fight the fear, how will you get to a place where you can reap the rewards?”

To learn more about LaShanda Henry and her amazing work please visit her latest venture SistaSense.Com.

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Take Control of Your Career Now

By Darcy Eikenberg, ACC
Author, Bring Your Superpowers to Work: Your Guide to More Clarity, Confidence & Control

A client recently said to me, “I’d love to stay at this company, but I don’t see how I can grow unless my boss leaves. It’s sad, but really, I have no control.”

I looked at her, aghast. Here was a smart, successful professional whose outward appearance would never hint that she felt she had no control over something as important as her career growth. And somehow, she had no idea of how much control she actually had.

Do you know someone like that? Or, are you someone like that? If so, you’re not alone. Increasingly in our new world of work, we’ve let ourselves believe that we can take control “when,” as in:

“ . . . when this project wraps up . . .”
“ . . . when we get a new department head . . .”
“ . . . when the economy gets better . . .”


Yes, as John Mayer sings, we keep waiting on the world to change. And we wait. And wait.

But you don’t have to. You can take control of your career right now by knowing the three elements you can always control. Add them all together, and they make a huge difference in your career, in your work, and in your life.

1. You Can Control What You Think
As the saying goes, “a mind is a terrible thing to waste.” So’s a mindset. Your mindset is your view on the world, your beliefs, your mental DVD’s that get played over and over again.

Your mindset is also 100% chosen by you, whether you realize it or not. Yes, you may struggle with beliefs that you’ve had for years, taught by your parents or our communities. But as we grow up, we can make the choice to accept those thoughts—or replace them with new ones that work better for us.

You take control when you decide what to think, adopting the mindset that reflects the person you want to be—one who has your unique superpowers and who brings them to her work and her world. Once you’re in control of your thoughts, no one can take them away from you. They’re yours for life.

2. You Can Control What You Say
Too often we’re silent on issues that are important to us—and that silence is interpreted as acceptance. Once your thoughts are in order, it’s time to bring them into the world with your words.

Where can you speak up instead of pipe down? Say kind things rather than criticize? Or ask tough questions rather than wonder? It’s amazing how much clarity we can find quickly at work when we ask instead of guess.

It’s true that when you’re in the mode of speaking your mind, you may say something uncomfortable or even hurtful. But you already know the words to say then—“I’m sorry.” Don’t let your fear of saying the wrong things stop you from taking control of what you do say. The risk of not saying anything is far greater.

3. You Can Control What You Do
If you saw a lost child in the road, would you wait until someone gave you permission to move her to safety? Probably not. But when you see someone lost at work (or a project that’s lost its way) are you waiting for someone to tell you it’s okay to help?

My bet is you know what to do. You know how you can help; how you can make the situations in front of you better right now. No matter what your role, when you’re taking control of the things that matter, you become a leader. Good leaders don’t wait to be told; they see pain and do what they can to bring healing. They see the broken and use their gifts as the glue.

It’s time to become the leader you were meant to be. Take control of your career by controlling what you think, say, and do, and start making a bigger difference for your work, your workplace, and maybe even your world.





Darcy Eikenberg, ACC, is the author of Bring Your Superpowers to Work: YourGuide to More Clarity, Confidence & Control, and a popular workplace coach and speaker. You can download a free chapter of her book, get her twice-monthly Community News, and access more free tips and tools on Darcy’s career and success site RedCapeRevolution.com.

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