Countdown: 1 Day: Moving Out

"We're making a movie," I told my sons, just to ease the pressure. "You guys are actors, just pretend this is real and let your real emotions show."

They did a great job helping me to wrap things up. We got rid of everything except my bed. The guy who asked for it decided he didn't want it at the last minute which was a blessing for me since I have one last night to sleep on it.

How am I feeling? Kinda like a fool.

So far no one has agreed to partner with me as far as shelters go. Everyone looks at me like I am crazy and one guy asked, "Why do you care about homeless women? They aren't worried about you."

Although he's a young dude filled with I don't even know what kind of dreams, it made me pause and wonder why I am so concerned with helping others. I think it boils down to the fact that I have been so unsuccessful for so long that I would never wish anyone this kind of luck.

I have so much talent and so much personality but I think I get in the way of my own success because of who I am. Well, who I am has guided me to this moment. I don't know if anyone will be helped. I don't know if anyone will care. I don't know if anyone will donate. I don't know what's about to happen.

I don't know.

I don't know how things will turn out. I know how I'd LIKE for them to turn out but there are no guarantees.

I've been nursing a migraine for the past few days. I am taking advil around the clock to help I think it's coming from an infected tooth I have. I have not had any money to go to the dentist in so long. No health insurance either. I try my best not to get sick and usually I'm well.

I'm wrestling in my mind between, "You're doing great" and "You're really stupid. Look at your past. Don't you think is going to turn out the same way? You're dumb."

But maybe it isn't. Maybe something different will happen this time. I don't know.

If nothing else happens, I hope that a few women would write to me and tell me that they learned something by watching my living documentary and they were inspired and took action. do hope that people will donate and that My Savvy Sisters will be able to stand on its own and become THE leading source of empowerment for women. I hope that my job fair goes well and by the time it happens in May I will have raised enough money to award one woman a grant and somehow, some way, I won't be living on the streets then.

"I think you're gonna have fun once you get over the shock of it," my son Sai said.

I grinned at him,"I hope so baby."

Tomorrow morning I wake up, give my place one last sweep through and then, I give my keys to my landlord.

What happens next?

I have no idea.

Please. Please. Send me positive energy and your very best wishes. I feel hopeless right now but I've made my decision so I have to go.

Posted in: Rebuild Your Life