REBUILD: My Ultimate Fantasy

I know what happened!

I've been feeling this STRONG love energy since early last week and now I remember what triggered it!

I needed some inspiration so I began reading some of my favorite blogs and then I googled something like "my dreams came true". This led me to The Secret website where I became engrossed in reading the stories of people who have used their imagination and faith to attract the things they want. I'm trying to do the same since it seems to work so easily for them.

Last night I did an exercise with the people I see the most at the shelter. I asked them the miracle question, which is a question from my studies of solution focused therapy that helps the client to become more aware of what they would like their life to be like.

It goes:

If you were to wake up in the morning and find that your life had changed dramatically as if by a miracle and all of your problems were solved, what would your day be like?

No one had an answer to my question so I answered my own question.

If I was to wake up in the morning and find that a miracle had happened and my life was exactly how I always wanted it to be I would...

Wake up and open one eye. Then I'd blink and open the other one. I wouldn't recognize the place because there would be a HUGE bedroom with a KING SIZED bed with fluffy sheets and plenty of pillows. There would be an entire television watching section inside the room with a cozy sofa and everything. Then there would be a HUGE patio door that leads out to a big balcony on the 2nd floor and the room would be well lit by sunlight.

I'd turn to my left and see a figure laying next to me. Who the hell is that?

The person's back would suddenly start to move and my eyes would grow wide wondering who he hell is in my bed. Then the person would turn around and smile a sleepy smile at me, pulling me close into a spooning position. Immediately I'd feel relaxed and KNOW that this is the person who I was intended to be with. THIS PERSON understands me, knows how to deal with me and motivates me to be my best everyday.

Then the person would give me a kiss and climb out of bed to get ready for a morning run around the neighborhood as I walk timidly through the house astounded by how well kept it is and how beautifully decorated it is.

Who the hell did all this? I know good and well I haven't become a house cleaner.

I finally find the kitchen and it is immaculate. The appliances are shining and my image reflected on the floor winks at me. A smiling face pops out from behind a door.

"Goodmorning Ms. Tee! Did you sleep well?"

"Who the hell are you?"

"Excuse me?" she'll ask.

"What are you doing here?"

"Oh Ms. Tee! You're funny today. It's me, Sasha. Your assistant. I have everything ready for your flight. It leaves in 3 hours. You'll be back in time for dinner tonight."

"Where am I going?"

"You're flying out to California to speak at a conference this morning. Did you forget?"

"What am I speaking about?" I ask cautiously.

"Well, success, I guess. That's what you're paid for. You do this a few times a month. Are you okay?"

I wipe my forehead as I continue to survey the room and walk over to the cabinets to look inside. Ooh! Honey Smacks!

"Just grab your laptop from your office and I'll meet you outside in an hour," Sasha says.

"Are you going with me?"

"Of course! But thanks to you, I'll be enjoying my birthday weekend with friends in Cali. You paid for it and my friends are there waiting for me to arrive. Thanks so much Ms. Tee!"

"Sure," I say and wince as she hugs me.

I somehow find my way to a room that is sort of set up like an office. It has a nice glass desk with a desk top monitor on it and a comfortable chair but the rest of the room is a mess. Papers are strewn everywhere and there are large pillows covering the floor. Half eaten boxes of Oreo cookies are on one shelf and so are wadded up pieces of paper.

I laugh. Now THIS looks more like a room I would be in!

I walk over to a huge wall filled with plaques and other framed certificates. There are multiple honorary doctoral degrees mounted there too. Framed letters are mixed in with the awards. Letters from women around the world thanking me for my support.

I sit down on a purple pillow and my butt hits the remote. The smooth, soothing sound of Erykah Badu's Mama's Gun album invades my senses and the sound of Time's A Wastin makes my head spin again. I remember this album. I used to listen to it every night before I went to sleep when I was at the shelter.

The shelter.

The homeless shelter.

I begin to cry.

I spent 3 months in a homeless shelter after becoming homeless on purpose to teach women how to overcome their fear of failure.

I remember. I'm crying and smiling at the same time.

That is what happened. I did it. I fumbled so much during that project and so many people ignored my calls for assistance but I made it through. I remember feeling like nothing was going to come of it. I remember feeling like nobody cared and no one was watching as I made video after video, day after day.

And then one day I got a call. Someone WAS watching. And that day my whole life changed.

I ran outside my office door as all of the memories came rushing back to me. I flew up the stairs 2 at a time and burst into the first bedroom I saw.

I beamed. My son's room!

Sai's room!

I could tell it was his because of how clean it was. He's very orderly and loves to match everything just right. A door to my left led me to his little brother Solomon's room, with matching bed sheets. I sigh. He always loved doing what his brother does. Where are they? Oh. They're at my Mom's house for the week.

Wow.

It came true!

It came true!

My biggest, most treasured dream came true!

I have a spectacular home with my sons AND there's someone who shares my room too! I wonder if we're married.

I look down at my right hand and gasp. DAYUM! What a rock!

What the hell did I get married for? I scratch my head as I try to remember.

I remember celebrating 10 years single. 11 years single. What happened after that?

Oh yeah. I met someone who had me on lockdown from the word HELLO. I laugh as I remember not even being given the CHOICE to say No. Finally, someone as BOUT IT as me who knew instantly that I was the one and wouldn't leave no matter how much I tried to break things apart.

And then I got to hear, "I'm in love with you," for the first time ever.

Wow.

Look at my life! I dreamt of this type of lifestyle since I was a little kid. I knew what I deserved. I FELT it. I had no idea it would take so long though but wasn't it a wild ride.

Sitting in that chair at the shelter. Eating those chicken salad sandwhiches. Taking the bus to two jobs just so I could raise money to help a woman pay her rent.

Ahhh. My very first grant. That was only $600. I laugh at that. I now have an entire subdivision in my name dedicated to helping women to realize their dreams of home ownership. I now send 20 high school students to college fully paid every year. I now oversee the website that started this all and I don't even write for it anymore.

My books are selling by the millions. My anxiety is gone. I perform my poetry all around the world and i donate all of the proceeds to women in distress.

Wow.

Look at my life.

I would have never guessed back when I was at that shelter. Day by day I rebuilt my life and had faith that something positive would happen. I made so many mistakes and failed so much because my goals were much larger than I could achieve alone but I don't regret having such a big vision. That vision eventually came true.

I am now so happy and grateful that I am living the life of my dreams in complete peace and happiness. My old wounds are healed. I no longer hurt and hunger. I have a safe place to sleep, work and grow. I make my own schedule and work when I WANT to.

I am loved.

I am loved.

And most of all, if I were to lose it all, I KNOW I can REBUILD AGAIN.

No fear.

Posted in: Rebuild Your Life