I wasn't always aware of the fact that I liked women in a romantic way. I remember playing 'house' with girls when I was younger and also being fascinated by them physically when I was a teen but I "knew" it was wrong to like girls so I squashed the thought in my mind.
Girls and women would usually approach me for dates and show interest once I went to college but I was adamant that I wasn't "that way". I felt like they were trying to convince me to give it a try and I don't like being coerced into anything. I questioned myself a lot over the years and wondered why so many women felt attracted to me. I knew I wasn't into women because I had never been in love with a woman before, but I had many special friends that I treated like they were my girlfriends, without the sexual part. I called it being a good friend.
It wasn't until I was 30 years old that I bumped into a woman that made my heart melt. I wanted her and didn't know what to do with that feeling. Nothing happened although I tried to get to know her to figure out what it was about her that made me desire her and what exactly was I desiring. It was a confusing time period for me and I faced my fear of being attracted to women by dating them and joining online forums for women who like women. Through that period I learned that there are lots of women who are attracted to women and I also met a girl that I liked who liked me back, over the internet. This was a cute first relationship for me and it really showed me that I could love a woman romantically.
The following list is a personal list of all the clues I believe should have shown me that I do in fact, have an undeniable attraction for SOME women.
1) You've dated many men but none of them can keep your attention, with the exception of your celebrity crushes.
2) You have a close friend and you want to be her everything by taking care of her every need and making sure she’s happy and smiling everyday.
3) When you have dated men in the past, they were all very feminine or later confessed to being gay.
4) When you imagine a future in a relationship with a man it makes you feel sad.
5) When you meet certain women, your body tenses up and you feel magnetically drawn to them and want to know them.
6) You’ve had to tell yourself, “Being attracted to women is wrong.”
7) Dry humping your partner fully clothed feels better than penetration.
8) You had a promiscuous sexual history with men because you viewed sex with men as an activity instead of an expression of love.
9) You’ve asked yourself, “Am I gay?” many, many times.
If you recognize yourself in these signs, it’s okay. Whether you are a lesbian, bi sexual or even if you realize that you aren't really attracted to women after all, it’s okay to be who you are and be attracted to who you want to be attracted to. There are no written instructions for love. There is no one judging you but you. You can decide today that you are going to go with your instinct and love who you are naturally drawn to.
Attraction is not a choice. You can’t turn it off. You can ignore it and behave how society tells you to behave but will “society” wait with you at the doctor’s office when you are feeling sick?
Your real love is waiting behind the complete acceptance of yourself and your preferences. It’s okay. You can be you now.
4 comments:
thank you for this article. it really helped.
Thanks for this... I was questioning and now I know for sure :)
I am married, but still feel this way. It does make me sad.
I wish i read this years ago before I was out, it would have saved a lot of wasted time. It's hard to realise, accept and tell others that you're gay but it all becomes worth it when you find real love-not 'love' which you force yourself to experience with a man.
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