When Your Friend Is Questioning Her Sexuality

If your longtime friend just told you that she has a girlfriend, you may be in a state of shock. You can't quite understand why she would do this to herself and you don't know how to talk her out of it. You know she's been hurt by men in the past and you don't want to watch her run toward women as a refuge for her pain.

What should you do?

Nothing.

Yes, some women do begin dating women because they have been so hurt by men that they can not stomach the idea of allowing another man into their life. But even if this is the cause, why should it bother you? If she is running toward a situation where she feel safe and more secure about the relationship then it may be a good thing. Only time will tell. The best way to support your friend is to try to understand why women love women.

Attraction is linked to a chemical reaction in the brain. When we are attracted to someone our body reacts and our heartbeat quickens. This is uncontrollable. Just like you saw that man last week and wanted to rip his shirt off, women feel the same way about certain women that they meet.

It is not something that can be turned off and it shouldn't have to be. This society teaches us that loving the same sex is wrong but that is just a popular opinion. Just because an opinion is popular, doesn't make it right.

Your friend is exploring another side of her personality that she has been hiding for a long time. She came to you hoping for support of her decision, not a lecture on what you think is best for her. Be a real friend, allow her the chance to see if this is right for her. Remind her that she doesn't have to choose sides and that she should be with the person who makes her feel good on the inside and out whether it is a man or a woman.

Do not worry. She will make the best choice for herself. If you will not support her by listening to her as she explores this side of herself she will never know the truth for herself and will always wonder 'What If'.

For My Savvy Sisters: Have you ever had a friend who began to question her sexuality? How did you handle it? How did it make you feel?

Posted in: Relationships