You are very angry right now, aren't you? Someone you love has disappointed you and you want them to feel the pain that you feel inside. You have already decided to punish them by not speaking to them, withholding affection and treating them like they are subhuman. This punishment hasn't relieved your pain has it? For some reason, you still don't feel better.
In order to let go of the bitterness you feel inside you must first consider these points:
1) Do you want to continue to be in a relationship with this person?
If not, then end the relationship immediately. You are not being fair to yourself or them if you keep them around just to punish them and make their life miserable. You are making your own life miserable in the process by having to turn into the wicked witch of the west every time they are around. You are giving away your power. You are allowing their action to control your mood.
If you do want to continue to be in a relationship with this person then you must forgive them. Most people say that you can forgive but you should never forget but I say, if you don't try to forget then you have not really forgiven.
2) Everyone will disappoint you at some point because no one is under your complete control. Everyone has to make their own decisions and on some occasions their decisions may not be in line with your best interest. You do it too. Just because someone disappoints you, doesn't mean that they don't care about you. Just because someone doesn't do things exactly the way you would do them, doesn't mean they are wrong. They are not YOU.
3) When you forgive someone, you release yourself from the pain of the event. When you do not forgive, you are locking yourself into a prison of the ugly memory and you are reliving it everyday. Why should you forgive? So that you can be free to smile again. That thing they did, it's in the past; do not invite it into your future.
4) If you want to let go of the bitterness you must replace the hurtful memories with new and more joyful ones. You must remind yourself why you loved them in the first place. MAKE yourself smile when you see the person. FORCE yourself to say hello cheerfully when the person walks into the room. REMIND yourself of the joyful times you had and revisit those memories instead. DO NICE THINGS for the person and relish in their enjoyment. Do these things until you can do them without having to remind yourself to do it.
Whether or not the person is sincere in their apology or even if they apologized at all doesn't matter. You are working on restoring YOUR joy and stepping outside of the bitterness. You always have the choice to walk away from a situation that consistently hurts you. But, if the pain you feel is caused by your choice to relive the painful memories and the person is no longer hurting you then it is up to you to change your mood.
You can, if you want to.
Release the bitterness and your entire life will improve. You are no longer a slave to their actions or the memory of the bad situation.
Release yourself.
No one can harm you now.
It's over. You are a new person. You don't have to get revenge. You don't have to punish them. You don't have to keep explaining to everyone over and over again how much you have been hurt. It's a memory that you are keeping alive every time you speak or write about it.
Release the bitterness.
You are now in control. You have your entire life ahead of you. You can and will experience happiness again.
You are FREE!
Live.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Letting Go Of Bitterness
2 comments:
hi, my name is jeana
i read all your blogs here and i must say you enlightened me I was suffering from being bitter since my boyfriend cheated on me 5 years ago and still the ghost of what he do still haunting me, he is my first boyfriend until now and I trust him but when he cheat on me I feel like I don't want to trust him anymore, I forgive him but still I can't forget what he has done, we always argue about that and I feel that I'm making our relationship miserable, I love him and I want to change for him. I wanted to forget everything and start but every time I remember that, It makes me weak and vulnerable. I guess I'm making my life bitter. I don't know what to do, I feel like when he cheated on me, my personality change, I am not me anymore. and I want myself back.
Thank you Thank you!!! i have recently just got out of an amazing relationship, you probably asking how was it so amazing if it ended? well it just was!!! sometimes life throws you curve balls and you have to focus on yourself and what your career calls for with that being said that doesnt mean that were not still in love that doesnt mean we dont want to be together, doesnt mean we dont have an amazing relationship, we never cheated nor lied! sometimes you have to take a break and focus on yourself and your career, im learning to deal and accept this and all is going good. we are still the best of friends and love each other we just have our careers that have a calling... hard to explain but its what works for right now perhaps in the future we will be together again as one!
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