Te-Erika's Blog: My First Webinar

Ever since last October I had this idea to start doing webinars to teach wisdom and life lessons live to women. This excites me because I love attending webinars and I always imagine what I would say if I were a presenter and what I would do if it were MY webinar.

haha! I just laughed because that sounds kinda geeky doesn't it? Oh well, I'm a geek- so be it.

Anyway, back in October I had the idea to do webinars so I began to research, attend other webinars to pick up pointers and plan my curriculum. The only problem was which platform to use as well as my own confidence about whether anyone would attend my webinars because I am virtually an unknown.

It wasn't until a couple of weeks ago that I saw a platform called BlogTV that allows Youtubers to broadcast live and chat with their viewers that I realized that I could use this platform to teach my webinars. So I chose a topic, announced it on my blog and through social media and spent 4 hours creating the presentation in powerpoint.

When the day of the webinar came I was so excited and nervous but it wasn't like I was new at this just excited to be starting on another phase in my career; teaching.

After the webinar I sat back and laughed at myself. Everything went wrong. My internet connection went out. My audio was bad. No one came to listen. It was horrible. But you know what? Even though no one was there I taught the lesson anyway and finished it in 45 minutes.

Nothing goes perfectly the first time, you're going to make mistakes and that is how you become a genius, by learning from each mistake as you try and try again. If you know you're going to fail the first time, because we often do, you may as well get  that first failure out of the way.

Here's the graphic I made that lists the key points of the webinar where I tried to teach the symptoms of a poverty mentality so that women would recognize how their mental habits affected their financial state.

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Te-Erika's Blog: The HodgeTwins My New Addiction

I. I'm sorry. I haven't been myself lately.

I usually have this "Ugh get away from me" attitude when it comes to men because I realized that after so many years of meeting men who didn't appreciate my friendship and weren't mature and just- meeting average men- I lost all interest in them. Like, at no point do I ever meet a man and think to myself, 'I wonder if he's the ONE'. I don't want any of them to be the ONE.

I deserve better than that. I don't like them. I don't trust them. I don't think they have anything positive to add to my life. I don't want them near me if I can help it. I feel safe with this armor up.

But then something changed a couple of nights ago when my little sister called me to tell me to check out this youtube channel by these dudes called The Hodge Twins.

~BOING~

Not only are these dudes super extra FINE, their personalities really got me. I found myself watching their videos one after another. It confused me because deep down, I don't really like attractive, muscular men who like women. I like mildly attractive, skinny or fat dudes who are secretly gay.

Why are these dudes so appealing to me in an animalistic way? It's like- not only do I now believe HEAVEN exists in a HodgeTwin sandwhich, but I find their opinions to be entertaining too. I love their personalities. I don't even watch TELEVISION because I believe it to be a waste of my precious time I have on this earth to make my dreams come true. I'm bout that. I'm about using my time every minute I can to study and create and make myself more valuable.
BUT for the past 2 days I have been wasting HOURS of my day laughing and staring at them. What's wrong with me? I feel guilty. I am torn because I don't even look at Kanye or Jaleel White the way I look at Keith and Kevin Hodge and Kanye has been my imaginary boyfriend since 2005 and Jaleel was the inspiration for whatever dream man ideals I had in my head since I was a child. But here I am, making a video like a damn GROUPIE just to say Hi to them. Ugh!



I don't want a man. I decided that a long time ago. More recently I decided to stop sleeping with them altogether because it's a waste of time and they don't know what they are doing. It's not worth the effort anymore.

But here we go, some dudes waltzed across my screen turning me into a groupie, laying up in bed staring at my 32inch TV that I use as a monitor for my laptop. And I'm confused but so happy. I don't even like men like that, especially solid, hunky, muscular fine ass men with amazing personalities.

I feel guilty. I don't know what to do. I don't even like men. What's happening? Maybe my obsession will go away quickly so I can get back to work but for now, I have to watch just ONE MORE VIDEO. I can't STOP!

Sad.

LOOK AT THESE MEN!

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Te-Erika's Blog: My Intuition Says Write A Movie

The other day I read that it was the 15th anniversary of the movie Love Jones. This is a film that is highly regarded in the Black community because it is said to depict a real life romance filled with drama, fun, sex and poetry.

The thing is- I've never seen it and I have no idea why. What was I doing 15 years ago? Let's see. I'm 33 so that would have made me- wait. Gotta grab my calculator. Oh. I was 18. Dang! 18?!!!

Wow. Anyway. I was 18 and in my first year of undergrad and I guess I was having too much fun to see this film but I have seen some scenes from it. After reading the interview with the main characters about this film, something made me say, "If I were to star in a movie, I'd like it to be one like this."

Then my thoughts flowed to- If I were to star in a romance film, who would I want as my romantic interest? I laughed and laughed at the thought of some man pursuing me, even in a film. It doesn't happen in real life, but it could happen in a movie that begins in my imagination.

So who would I like to play my male lead? Ooh! I know! Jaleel White!

I just saw him a couple of weeks ago in the film Judy Moody and the NOT Bummer Summer. It rekindled my childhood crush on him and reminded me that he is still the STEVE of my fantasies.

Then I asked myself- Wait. Why does it have to be a MAN that I am linked to in my romantic movie? Since I don't crush on women based on their looks, nope, no celebrity crushes on women at all, I had to find an actress.

A quick google search to find the perfect lead actress led me to Zoe Saldana. Wow. She's so beautiful she probably wouldn't look at me twice, but this is my imaginary love story and I get to choose whoever I want. So there.

As I manipulated their images to sit next to each other my mind started whirling with ideas about what would happen.



The ideas wouldn't stop as the story developed so I began writing notes based on what my intuition was telling me.

The movie description popped out.

SWITCH - COMING SOON

Brandi (Te-Erika), a down on her luck waitress blacklisted from the acting scene in Miami, LA and New York due to her wayward ways hopes her luck will change once she moves to Washington DC.

In the Chocolate City she doesn't find the connections she needs to make it to the big screen but she does find a new talent and a new dilemma as she is thrust into a tug of war between two charming singles, Derrick and Sasha (Jaleel White & Zoe Saldana) who vow to break her out of her promiscuous ways by offering her the one thing she has never experienced- love.

Today, as I sat staring at the picture of this love triangle I heard- Develop your characters by writing out the details of their personalities.

So I did.

I made a list for each of us.

Character Questions:

1. Name
2. Age
   
3. Occupation
   
4. Education
5. Family Life
6. For Fun
7. Philosophy
8. Strengths
9. Quirks
10. Weaknesses
11. Flaws
12. Fears
13. Secrets

Now that my list is done, I'll just sit and wait for the rest of the instructions. I am a bit nervous because I am not sure what this project will turn into or even if I'll have the time to dedicate to it with so many other things on my plate.

The crazy part is, the last time I was inspired to write a fiction love story that I starred in, I actually met a man just like my main character. They had the same background and everything. What if my writing is magic? What if I do it again?

I am curious to find out!

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Te-Erika's Blog: Let's Hear It For My Boys

My boys are on Spring Break this week. They went to spend time at their Daddy's timeshare and go to Disney World and all that jazz. I wish they knew how blessed they are, but they don't, they think it's regular to go to Disney, have cell phones and have a Dad who's a lawyer and all of their parents friends are young Black professionals. It's good to see a life change in the future of my children.

I dream about giving them more. In my mind, when I'm done with this life they will never really HAVE to work, but I'm sure they'll build on what I have built for them and their children's children's children will wonder, "What was our family like before we had this empire?"

Hmm. That's my dream, to change the financial futures of my sons and all of their kids after that. I don't know how but I know it can be done. I Study, STUDY, STUDY success stories and really all it takes is ONE PERSON to learn how to create wealth and then to pass those habits on to their children. I haven't reached the point where I have created any wealth for myself yet but Ill figure it out, teach them how, and then they'll have to make sure they can sustain it. I've been brainstorming businesses to buy them so they can learn how to mange at a young age. Right now I'm thinking of a laundromat and a duplex.

My boys and I went out to the bowling alley with my sister and her man the other night. It was rave bowling. It was so much fun. I hate bowling, I hate games in general but for some reason I had so much fun that night that I wouldn't mind going again.

I always feel like I'm super high when I'm with my sons. Having them in my presence feels better than any orgasm I've ever experienced. Nothing feels better. I can't imagine how any mother puts her man before her kids because men make me feel sad all the time, I'm always disappointed, but with my kids, it's all love.

I called their Daddy up the other night just to talk. I think I scared him. Ok so he has a girlfriend. My boys adore her. She's better than the last girl he had. I have no issues with her or the fact that he's with someone else. I used to, back when I thought that him being with someone else meant that something was wrong with ME. I don't think that way anymore.

I used to think I was a victim and that he had all the power but not anymore. Sometimes I find myself becoming angry at the things he put me through but I've learned to not be mad anymore. People who try to hurt you will only get satisfaction if they see that they did. I used to give him the satisfaction but that day is gone. When I think about him, tears come to my eyes because, believe it or not, he's an awesome Dad. He's so different from me, in all the ways that my sons need. I would have spoiled them and had them crippled in life because I want to give them ALL THE LOVE, but he makes them take care of themselves and be responsible and keeps them accountable.

He sows a lot of his time into their lives. He manages his job and our two boys plus he has another daughter too. He's so good at it all. I can't believe I'm writing this but, I admire him. I did a good job with choosing him when we dated back in college and I didn't even know we would be tied together forever. I hear so many horror stories about baby daddies and mine used to be a horror story until I stopped thinking I was a victim and started making the most out of the situation. When I stopped thinking I was a victim, I stopped being one.

I've learned that shit doesn't really have to turn out like you expect it in order for it to be GOOD. Surprises can be good too. Twists and turns in life can end up being great. Someone walking out of your life or telling you they don't want to be a part of it in the way you want them to could ultimately be the best thing that ever happens to you. I've learned to let go. I'm okay with not having what I want from life. Maybe if I had gotten exactly what I wanted from him or what I expected from life, I wouldn't be as happy as I am at this moment.

I have healing in my life and I don't hurt anymore over him or any man. I'm good. My boys are great and maybe some of my dreams might even be coming true. You never know.

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Te-Erika's Blog: Life Without Food Stamps

So here it is, going on two months since I last received a food stamp payment. Why am I calling it a payment?

Anyway. I made the decision to not renew my foodstamp case, not because I am ineligible, but simply because I felt this urge to move away from my old ways of thinking.

Yeah, I know- food stamps are free money. How else can I go and buy shrimp cocktail, crab legs, brownie icecream, steaks and all the Publix sub sandwhiches I can handle? Can I do that stuff now? Honestly, I wouldn't.

I wouldn't be so luxurious with my own money. I wouldn't splurge so much on things like frozen shrimp PLATTERS when I can just buy the shrimp in a bag and put it on a plate myself.

How have I been eating? I use my own money that I make from work. Have I missed any meals? No, ever since I stopped using foodstamps, I eat out more instead of buying groceries.

I spoke with my Mother about my decision to get off of foodstamps and she said, "If you don't need it, why get it?"

But it's FREE FOOD STAMPS? Why not? It's there. I'm eligible. I can use that money for food and buy other stuff with my own money.

But really, one of the reasons why I wanted to move away from using foodstamps is to place myself in a different mental state, one that is miles away from those who consider themselves to be victims. I am not a victim. I do not need a handout. Sure, I can take it because it's there and its so easy to get but really, do I want to associate myself with the poverty level in life?

What if I moved away from accepting the free government handouts and started focusing on taking better care of myself? What if I examined the lives of those who make careers out of receiving foodstamps and those who create CAREERS that sustain them financially? What will I find? What will be the major differences?

I do not have the group mentality and I am not a follower, but if time after time I witness the most successful women practicing certain habits I would be a fool not to try them out for myself. In this case it is important to align your practices with those you admire instead of those who claim victimhood. Foodstamps are for people who need 'help'.

HELP!

I am glad this program exists for those who do need help but for me, I'm using this ENDING as a signal that I am ready for more responsibility and more abundance in my life. I want to be a GIVER of help instead of a receiver. I'm done with foodstamps and I hope this lasts forever.

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Te-Erika's Blog: Seriously Down And Out

I had a virtual lunch date yesterday. I posted some pictures of the steak I wish I was eating versus the pancakes I was actually eating and Google Plus invited me to share his ham sandwhich. I added the chips and there we go- A virtual lunch date!

It was the closest I've gotten to going out on a real date in FOREVER. Wait, I did meet a man a few weeks ago when I took myself out to dinner and we ended up spending the evening together and having a good time but, of course I lost interest when he sent me a text message a week later. I hate text conversations with men. Who am I kidding? I find ANY reason to reject men and it's really because I don't want to be with a man. The idea of it really disturbs me because I can't meet one that I respect.

On another front I had multiple interviews this week so the press is getting out about my project. To be honest, I am exhausted because I know it looks easy and that I'm just running the hell out of this blog but the amount of work and money that goes into organizing this plus marketing my project leaves me exhausted most days. I don't sleep well at night on my days off since I work overnight and during the day in between light naps, I try to do interviews and reach out to women to be featured and keep up with the news and I am always trying to discover new women to feature and new stories to tell. I am so exhausted.

I'm doing a good job, I think. This week alone, I got a few emails from women saying they had just found my site and they loved it. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing this all for nothing, this is definitely a lot of work on my part. Sure, the writing part comes easily to me, but organizing it and staying on top of all the emails and press releases that are sent to me is an overwhelming task. I send out my own press releases like 6 times a day whenever I can find a media outlet that I haven't reached yet. I do follow up phone calls and ask for partnerships with other blogs too.

Lately when people speak to me they describe me as 'down'. I want to scream at them- I AM SUPPOSED TO BE SLEEPING RIGHT NOW!!! But I can't. I'm not depressed. It's not that, or maybe it is, I don't know, but I am growing weary of all of this pressure I am putting on myself. Last week I was good, I mean, I had a great attitude, I wasn't tired and I was putting in the work with no hesitation. This week I feel like blah and I keep asking myself, "Why can't you have a normal life?"

Seriously, why can't I be like most people I meet who are phony and manipulative and petty? Why can't I just work a job and let that be that? The hard part is, the mere thought of working for someone else long term seems so WRONG to me. Kinda like not believing in God feels WRONG to Christians. Yeah, it's that serious.

Most of my interactions with people are disappointing and I am seriously starting to think why the hell am I pushing so hard to join them in this illusion of life? This is all so fake. The clothes, the houses, the jobs, seeking status and wealth. I know this, yet I keep trying to prove to myself that I CAN do it, but I'm not so sure I even want to anymore.

I can't stop being a help to people, it's a part of who I am. But as I grab moments of pleasure by taking myself out to dinner I wonder if any of this is worth it. But last week and this week were so different. Last week I gave up. I decided that it was okay not to be anything great and not to make myself a success. Once I 'gave up' I relaxed and had fun, this week I am back to pressuring myself again. So now I know what I'm doing wrong.

I'm tired, simply tired you guys but I LOVE doing this too so it's confusing to me too. Maybe I need a vacation or something. I have been going non stop since last year before I started The Rebuild Your Life Project and I'm just- just- tired.

Tonight my boys are here with me, they remind me that I am loved. I needed this. I really do. But tomorrow, its on and popping again- busting my brain to figure out different ways to market my site and my project in an effort to Rebuild My Life.

Don't feel sad for me, I'm just having one of those days where all I need is a tylenol and a hug. Thank goodness my sons are here.

Lata.

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Te-Erika's Blog: I'm Not Really A Hero

Someone called me a hero today.

It caused me to have a panic attack. I think that one of the reasons why I share so much about my personal life and thoughts is the fact that I hear so many compliments from people about my talent and my personality that- I try to show them who I really am, because I wonder if they'll still like me if they got to know me.

Pretty people ain't got it easy. LOL Don't shoot me, but I know I'm beautiful by society's standards. The thing is, I hear so many fake compliments that I don't believe them anymore.

Why lie?

I don't know. Of all the work I do creating things to inspire women and shake them out of their self imposed limitations, I still have some limitations that I am quite comfortable with. Love, for example, I won't allow anyone to love me.

I do everything in my power not to make an emotional connection with people, romantic or platonic. I don't welcome new people into my personal life. I don't make new friends. I only have one night stands with strange men so that I won't risk falling in love. Hey, you can't fall in love with someone when you don't remember their name the next day.

So that's where this declaration that I am a 'hero' comes into question. I had to take a break from the internet after I read it. I'm not a damn hero, I just don't give a damn anymore.

Talk shit about me. Ostracize me. Tell me No. Fight me. Jail me. Kill me. I'm not afraid of death.

I believe there are certain people who are here to make a difference. Through years of studying other people who have achieved what I have not been able to, on a wide scale basis, I have learned so much about the mentality of success. I now have it, yet I don't really want the admiration that comes with it because there's so much more that I can do and be.

It feels creepy because I still view myself as a failure in most ways. To me, I'm still trying to make it so reading so many letters of admiration makes me feel like I'm lieing to people or that they see something that isn't true so I share even more of the REAL ME but the letters keep coming.

I am not perfect.
I am not someone to admire.
I have not done the things I'd really like to do in this world.

I would love to be able to run a company that aids women. Wait, I already incorporated it.
I would love to help elevate women in their platforms. Wait, I created a platform to celebrate them.
I would love to eat all the foods I want without cooking it myself. Not there yet.

I have so many hopes. I wonder at what point will I believe that I will have 'made it'. Is it when I'm featured on the cover of a magazine? Will it be when I receive my first million dollar grant? Will it be when I hire my 100th employee? Will it be when I fling open the doors of my fabulous new home and my sons run in to see it and find their rooms? Will it be when Oprah calls me for advice? Will it be when Kanye West asks me to marry him?

I don't know.

I'm not a hero. I'm just a woman who isn't afraid to fail anymore, to look foolish or to be told No.

You know what? Fearlessness combined with my diabolical intellect is a very dangerous combination kinda like- dynamite.

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Te-Erika's Blog: The Internet Is In My Hand

Ooooh Weeeee!!

My phone died this weekend.

RIP. =(

I was soo sad because my phone was the ish, baby! I have Metro PCS and I love it because it's only $40 a month and whenever my phone dropped and broke into pieces all I had to do was put it back together again and it worked! I loved my phone!

But I guess its true that nothing is permanent so after a year of having the BEST PHONE EVER I had to buy a new phone and I decided to go ahead and buy my very first smart phone.

$50 a month! Geesh! That's a bit much but guess what? It is sooo worth it because I now have THE INTERNET IN MY HAND.

Wooooow!

Like, they might just have to fire me at work because the internet AKA my BFF for life is right in my hands and I can't stop checking it.

I can watch Youtube videos!

I can check ALL my email accounts!

I can actually SEE the pictures people send me!

I can't believe I have been missing out for so long. I'm in love all over again.

I have the Samsung Admire. Ok, I know it's not the iPhone but hold up, I am an entrepreneur and I invest my money wisely so whatever, but THIS phone. OMG! I can do everything!

Now, if only it came with a pair of strong hands to rub on me and a vibrator.

A girl can only wish!

LOVE IT!

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Te-Erika's Blog: Trying To Make It Happen

Hey.

I thought I'd take a little time out to share what it's like to run and organize the 'leading empowerment website for women.'

~sigh~ I love that tagline.

Anyway. It is my pleasure to spend the majority of my waking hours brainstorming ideas and then writing the creative, inspiring content you read everyday. I also enjoy researching awesome women on the internet and emailing them to ask them to be profiled so that you can learn how they made a success of themselves. When I'm not doing that, I am marketing The Rebuild Your Life Project through sending emails and making phone calls to anyone I can think of that may support this endeavor.

Last week I called the President of The United States to invite him to visit me at my restaurant and allow me to share about the Rebuild Your Life Project. I also called his advisor to invite her. I invite them both by email as well. I have reached out to the music artists whose music I used on my videos to invite them to publicly support this project and I have reached out to the people I believe would care about what I did.

So far, no one has written me back or even acknowledged me. I believe in The Rebuild Your Life Project. I believe it is important for women to know about what I did. When you watch the 95 videos you will be amazed that one person set out to achieve a goal, didn't hit it exactly, but persevered through and came out the other side alive. I became homeless on purpose. I overcame my biggest fear.

I'm a different person. I'm harder. I'm not as friendly. I don't care as much about others. I'm more stoic about life. I'm not as caring as I once was because I realized through this project that some people don't want or NEED saving. Some people, even though it seems that they need help, don't want your help.

I'm not into forcing my idea of an acceptable lifestyle on anyone, but for those who would like a hand up- I want to be there. The videos I made are that hand up. Along with the money I give away and the counseling I do, I am a one woman force for empowerment. I'd love to expand my team to include more writers and developers and board members but that will all come in time, I guess. For now, it's just me and my faithful writers who contribute to the site.

I do get some sort of joy out of all of this work yet, I am ready to move on to the next phase in life and I'm wondering if I am the thing that is holding me back. When I'm at work, I see the emotional involvement of those on my team and I try to get there too but it's difficult. I love serving, but its not my life, not like those guys. They're so cute. They take everything so seriously and are so into the restaurant lifestyle because it is important to them. I watch them and I wish I had finally found that place in life. I find myself watching the clock lately, waiting to go home and write. This isn't a good sign. Usually I am delighted to serve. I feel like my mind is somewhere else when I'm at work and I feel guilty about it.

Maybe this website and non profit is that 'place' for me. I do think of it night and day. When I'm daydreaming at work, I'm thinking about the next article I can write or the next resource I can give away to make a woman's life easier. I dream of promoting women's businesses and holding conferences and honoring women for their efforts at changing their lives and the lives of others.

I love women.

In a non sexual way of course.

I'm not perfect but I'm trying to make this into my career but it's hard because, well, I think I must be getting in my own way.

Today I read a quote by Rumi that blew my socks off. I made this image for it.

I decided that it's time to make a big move, a crazy one. I started planning for it too.

I swear, I'm always taking a risk and it seems that they never pay off. If my dreams come true, I will be the owner of the leading resource and news website for women. I will have the ear of every woman in the world. I will be the woman that every woman reaches out to for help and to learn what is going on in the world.

I want to be that woman, who creates change for women everywhere. I want to build neighborhoods and affordable housing, create jobs, enlist the help of women everywhere to join together. I want to help people find love within themselves and to be more mature and less fearful.

I want to say I'm sorry for all the times I have done wrong by giving more than anyone has ever given.

And, I want my sons to know that anything is within their reach.

But it's all a dream. Right now I'm sitting in my room with a bag of Oreos beside me. I'm trying not to eat them all but they look so tempting.

I have my bills paid a month in advance already. This feels good but I know that I can do more if I had the chance to make money doing what I'm really good at doing.

Oh, I have a friend. He's a man. An older man. Yeah, kind of like the one I met during the time I was homeless except this one has not expressed any kind of attraction to me. I have begun to think of him a lot because he likes to listen to my ideas.

When I told him that I want to meet with the President he said, "That's a good idea, let me see if I can make a phone call for you."

He always does that. He listens and he cares and he helps if he can. No, he's not trying to sleep with me. I can't imagine that he would even desire that. I don't know what he wants actually but I can hear the delight in his voice when I'm excited and I tell him about a new marketing technique that I've tried.

"You're amazing," he says to me.

Yeah. I am.

He's right.

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Te-Erika's Blog: I Wish There Was A God

I used to be a Christian, but I'm not anymore. I still have Christian friends who pray for me and fast for me and I admire them a lot because I do wish I had something like that to believe in. I wish I had the faith that someone, somewhere cared about me and was intervening in my life on my behalf. It's a good belief to have but I don't believe that anymore.

I believe that whatever happens to me is my own fault. I believe that my goals are my desires and if they happen to be completed, it's because I made it happen. I don't believe that I am favored and that there is a plan for my life. I believe that I made up my own plan and if I am consistent it will come true.

But it doesn't really matter whether or not my plans come true anymore since nothing really matters. I know, I seem depressed, right? I'm not. I just see beyond the veil of life. I see that the roles we play in life are insignificant. Awards are insignificant. Titles are insignificant. Clothes. Fame. Love. None of it matter in the end.

In the end, all we have is ourselves. We die alone. Maybe we make one wish that we never got to see happen or maybe it doesn't matter.

I think about death a lot. I know it's coming. I don't know when but it decreases the intensity of life. Since I know that nothing is permanent, every bit of emotion that could become heightened, simply doesn't because I know that this circumstance that causes it is finite.

This too, shall pass.

And so shall we.

I guess I just, tonight maybe, I was wishing that somehow things could be different and there could be a god that was a champion for Te-Erika and could want me to experience all the things I've missed out on so far in life that I long for. This would be great because then I wouldn't have to work so hard and I could rest at some point. I really need some rest.

I could believe that, but these days I am inclined to walk by sight and so far I've seen that I am all alone in this life. There is absolutely no one that cares for me more than they care for anyone else and I'm okay with that yet tonight I'm wondering if this is why I view the concept of god in the same way.

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Te-Erika's Blog: My Wish For Health Insurance

My new year's wishes included health insurance.

Yeah, that's horrible. It is the one thing that I have been lacking for the past 5 years. It's partially my fault. If I could stomach working in a corporate environment than I could have insurance but my happiness comes from the service industry. Working as a waitress doesn't allow you to afford health insurance. I daydream about going to the doctor and getting a check up. I have to go to Planned Parenthood when I have problems 'down there' and I have to go to the emergency room if I have any other problems with my health. I signed up for the free healthcare but when you make an appointment its usually 4 to 5 months out.

I can't blame the government, although it would be easy to do that. I have to blame myself. Until about 4 weeks ago I had a 'pack a day' smoking habit that cost me more than $200 a month. If I can pay $200 a month for cigarettes then I can afford to save for a doctors visit.

In fact since I stopped smoking I managed to save $300 and I went to the dentist yesterday to have a tooth pulled that has been aching for more than 2 months. I tried everything to reduce the pain of that toothache. I took aspirin. I rinsed with Listerine. I used concentrated mouthwash. I bit down on tea bags. I bought clove oil and placed drops on my tooth. Everything helped with the pain but it wasn't until I had to go to the ER and they gave me antibiotics that the pain began to subside, not completely but it felt better after a few days.

After Jack Jr., one of my customers at Denny's saw me in agony with my toothache during work, he gave me a $25 off gift certificate to TLC Dental in Dania. I went over there and they took such good care of me. It was as though the doctor and his assistant actually cared about me. I've never had such a good experience at the dentist before. I hope I can go back again to get the rest of my dental work done.

Even though I struggle I know that I am on my way to a successful life because I put in the work necessary. Its a different kind of work. Its not the same as the work most people do to keep their jobs. It's the work of an entrepreneur.

It's amazing how we prioritize our lives and then blame others for the results. I blame no one for my financial situation or any struggle I am in. My life result is my fault. I take full responsibility. And when I win, it's my fault too.

I'm getting my mind right. I am preparing to win.

Feels so good.

Te-Erika

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Te-Erika's Playground: Introductions

So here we go again.

I am re introducing myself to those who do not yet know me. For many who have been following my personal blog- Share My World- you have followed my life adventures for the past 8 years. This new spot won't be much different although I must warn you that I am NOT your typical personal development coach; I have issues too and I am not afraid to write about them. I have weaknesses too and I am not afraid to explore them. I have big dreams too and I am not afraid to lose everything in the pursuit of them.

If you knew who I was before, you would better appreciate the woman I am now. I used to be so negative, weak minded and sad but now I am quite the opposite. No, I'm not Ms Happy Go Lucky everyday but for the most part I am indifferent about things so the sob filled posts my other blog used to hold don't happen often.

Who am I? I don't know yet.

I am a woman evolving. Right now I would say that I am a 32 year old mother of two young sons ages 9 and 11. They live with their Dad and have lived with them for the past 5 years and I don't feel sad about it. They are doing very well. My sons are the most awesome boys in the world. They teach me so much about life and love and they love me the most perfectly out of everyone I know.

I love to delve into my own personal issues and climb out of them, teaching you how to do so along the way. Transparency is my biggest strength and my biggest weakness. I usually write when I am feeling emotional. Since I don't have many friends, blogging is the way for me to dissect the feelings I am experiencing and objectify them so I can release detachment to them.

I am extremely smart in a diabolical type of way. I make strategic moves in everything that I do and even when it seems that I am losing, I am really just biding my time. My objective is not to always WIN but to be treated with respect. Winning isn't that important to me. I've won so many times in my life that I already know what it feels like and it's not as big of a rush as it once was.

What makes my heart jump these days is launching a new endeavor. Each time I have a new idea my blood rushes and I get that tingly "I'm in love" feeling. My ideas are becoming bigger and bolder as I become older and I go after the completion of these ideas as though the word 'No' doesn't exist. Even when I hear the word 'No' I feel sorry for the other person because they won't get to benefit from my great idea.

I figure this world is a playground and I'm all in to see what kind of fun I can have. So follow along with me as I share the details behind what it takes to run this website that inspires and helps women all around the world, go after my dreams and still try to balance my evolution. I don't know what I'm becoming but I'm sure it's something great. Even if it's not, oh well.

Man, I learned so much about desire and expectations last year. This year, I'm cool and calm, doing things I love, but not stressing that they produce big results. Anyway, I gotta go.

I'll update often. I always have lots to say and I'm a risk taker so it's a very colorful life I lead. I won't try to impress you or be your role model. Learn with me. Learn from me. Or just laugh at me.

You won't want to miss a post!

Te-Erika

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