How To Survive- Facing A Foreclosure

You can't believe you're going through this. Just a few years ago you seemed to be on top of the world. You bought a new house and spent so much time personalizing it, adding the finishing touches to make it your own and then out of the blue, a hurricane seemed to hit your life and you couldn't make it stop.

Now, the bank is calling and you are so far behind on your house payments that any day now you know you will receive that dreaded letter notifying you of your foreclosure. You're angry. You're frustrated with yourself. You don't know how to make the pain stop because you feel like you're failing at life. Before you decide that you are a failure consider these facts:

• Owning a home does not define your worth as a person.
• If you went through the process of buying and maintaining a home, you have gained a valuable skill and you can do it again. It will be easier next time.
• This is NOT the last home you will own.
• Your home is inside of you, it is never an external place.
• Sometimes you have to take a step backwards, to be free to move forward.
  
• If you have ever had a scar and watched it heal, this blemish on your financial record will heal in the same manner. Don't berate yourself over it.
• Nothing is permanent. Your time in this home may be over, but that doesn't mean it isn't a success story. It is simply another milestone in your life journey.
• Being released from this obligation could lead to the biggest adventure of your life.

Now that you've been introduced to these truths, make plans for the next leg of your journey. Whether it means you have to downsize or move in with relatives, remember that everything happens for a reason. This is serendipity waiting to happen. Look for the blessing and you will find it.

Be at peace. Everything is going to be okay. One day you will look back and this and it will all be a faint memory, just another day in your life story.

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How To Survive- A Divorce

It's over.

You knew it when the final papers were signed. You moved out. Your ring finger is now bare. There's an empty space where your spouse used to be. What do you do now?

Working through the after effects of a divorce is much like dealing with a break up. You will spend some time mourning the loss but what you are really mourning is the loss of your projected future. You thought that you would grow old together. That is what you hoped for years ago when you stood in your white dress promising to love each other forever. Somehow things didn't work out as planned and now you sit, rejoining the throngs of single women.

If this was your first marriage, you should celebrate because you've gotten over the romantic idealism that first marriages seem to bring. Much like crushes on celebrities you romanticize what a relationship will be like and then when reality hits you and you realize that you are living with an actual person and NOT the fantasy person you made up, you are sorely disappointed.

You will continue to be disappointed in yourself and the loss of the relationship until you want to get over it. Your pity party lasts as long as you decide. You don't have to be sad that your relationship ended. Your life didn't begin when you got married, why should it end there?

Now that you've moved past the hump of a first marriage you are able to more clearly define what you want and don't want from a relationship. No, you are not a failure. No, you didn't sabotage your whole life. No, that was NOT your last chance at love.

Ask yourself: What am I now free to do that my relationship was holding me back from doing?

Now go do it! This is your opportunity to engage in those once forbidden activities and really indulge yourself in self love. Treat yourself the way you always wanted to be treated. Give yourself the best that life has to offer. It is your turn to do something amazing with your life.

Your ability to link up with one person and stay with them for the rest of your life is not the way to gauge your value. That relationship does not define you. No relationship defines you outside of the one you have with yourself. Men will come and go. Those who are meant to stay will be there without much effort on your part.

Be open to life cycles of beginnings and endings and let the chips fall where they may. Wherever you end up on this roulette called life, is exactly where you are supposed to be. Now stop crying, look around you and ask yourself- How can this lead to my biggest adventure yet?

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How To Survive- A First Date

You must be so nervous right now. You're wondering if you've chosen the right outfit. You're agonizing over whether your shoes match your purse just right. You can't wait to see his face when he notices your new hairstyle.

Should you kiss him?

Will he try to kiss you?

Will this lead to marriage?

Is he your ONE?

I bet you're trying to get a grip on your emotions but your emotions are a clue that you're alive so don't fight them. This is a very exciting time for you. You are at the beginning of a new chapter in your life. You have decided to allow someone new into your personal space and there is so much room for possibilities.

While you hope things don't end up like the LAST relationship did, you're pretty sure you have a fair chance at success. Now it's time to get rid of those jitters to make THIS first date, a date you'll never forget.

Start by:

1. Choosing an outfit that fits your personality. Don't worry about impressing your date with cleavage, be comfortable. This way, you'll be more inclined to show your REAL self, the person your date needs to be exposed to.

2. Disregard his opinion. This date isn't about impressing your date, this date is about having fun with another person who lives on this planet. Who cares if he doesn't like your dress or your food choice? This isn't an audition, this is an opportunity to make a friend. If he expresses disdain over your personality or choices, he's not worth your time. If he doesn't like you, oh well, someone else will.

3. Take your own money and take pictures. If he's a gentleman he will pay but you might need a chance to run out of there if he does something weird like, invite you to a back alley. Cab fare is necessary and so are pictures of his license plate, his face and his ID. If he laughs at you, laugh right with him as you text this vital information to at least 3 friends.

4. Be open minded about this adventure. He doesn't have to agree with you on everything. As long as you can respectfully disagree, you'll be fine.

5. Decide that he may not be THE ONE. If you decide that there's a chance that he's not THE ONE up front, this will turn out to be a better evening overall. By understanding that there are a million different roles he could play in your life including teacher, friend, lover, your best friend's husband, you will open up your heart to receive more than just the fulfillment of your lifelong wedding fantasy.

Have fun! Laugh like no one's watching. Tease him like you would tease your brother. Spill something. Make a mistake. Stumble. Be imperfect.

Be you.

If he's worth it, he'll love every single moment.

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How To Survive- Working For A Bi Polar Boss

Every one of us has had to work with a manager or supervisor who was difficult to deal with. There are those overbearing micro managers who don't trust us to do the jobs they hired us to do, there are those miserable managers who have no love at home and take out their frustrations on us and there are those managers who view their department as their own private army and treat us like insignificant subordinates as they claw their way to the top of the corporate heap.

Of course, there are those managers whose moods swing so forcefully that we are left standing with our mouths wide open, afraid to utter a word not knowing if they'll throw something at us or offer us a hand shake.
So often when we have managers who have mood swings we like to call them bi polar. The clinical definition for bi polar according to the DSM IV can be found by following this link but we all know what we're talking about here.

How do we survive working for a bi polar boss? The key is in understanding their perspective and stepping back from our own emotions.

Understanding Your Bi Polar Boss

Your boss could be bi polar, but there are other explanations for their erratic behavior.

1. You are annoying and so are the other 12 people in your department. Can you imagine being the ONE person that 22 grown ups run to for every little problem? They tattle on each other for every little thing and seem to forget simple rules and procedures that they were taught on their first day of employment. Your boss is dealing with at least a dozen personalities that are all as unique as hers and she has to change the way she speaks and explains things every single time a new face pops into her office with a question.

2. Your boss is human. Every human experiences differences in their range of emotions. If your boss shows up day in and day out with the same plastic smile on her face and speaks calmly and rationally every time, you can assume that she is a) newly in love and she's not really paying any of you any attention or b) high on drugs.

What can you do?

Let her have her moments of despair or extreme jubilation. If you do not allow your boss's moods to affect yours then you will have a better relationship with her. If she shows up screaming and crying over a mistake you made, its safe to assume that she recently made a mistake that she regrets and the negative energy that she is feeling about that is transferring over to your work.

Do not ever take anything she says personally. Your work performance does not define you as a person. Even if she tries to make you think it does, you do not have to defend yourself, just KNOW on the inside that it doesn't and give her a blank look. Learn to say, "No problem." to anything she asks you or tells you to do and she will come to respect you.

You are not at work to prove to your boss that you are equals. You are there to follow instructions and complete a task. Allow your boss to be the boss and do what she says the way she says it. You don't have to be completely submissive but don't try to buck the system to show off your smarts. A SMART employee knows how to be a good follower, without being a kiss-up.

Remember:

She isn't anyone special and neither are you. The company will still run and make money whether or not she is there or whether or not you are there. Your life doesn't hinge on the success of this one position. Even though she may want you to believe it does, it really doesn't. Just do your best and accept criticism with an open heart. Your financial stability does not come from this job. Your financial provision is a divine gift. This job is just ONE of the many ways that you can be taken care of in this lifetime. You have to trust that.

Relax. No job lasts forever. No situation is permanent. The more erratic your boss's behavior is the more you know that she is unhappy in her personal life or feeling pressured by the demands of the company. Feel sorry for her. Help her out in extra ways if you can. Do something nice for the office or for her or give her ONE DAY where you don't bother her with questions or annoy her with complaints. She needs a break and will surely appreciate it.

You can handle this situation once you realize that your boss is not a machine, she is a person and she is allowed the same ups and downs that you are. Give her space and give yourself time to separate your frustration with her from your frustration with your job. Chances are you LOVE your job but you dislike your boss. Let her go crazy everyday while you smile and say, "I'm glad I'm the employee and I don't have her problems."

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How To Survive- Getting Fired From Your Job

"We're going to have to let you go," they tell you and your heart skips a beat.

You immediately think of all the bills you have and the debt you're in and you imagine being kicked out onto the street and living on the sidewalk.

You rush home in tears, frantically grabbing your laptop to polish up your resume so that you can begin your job search.

Before you do that- WAIT!

You were fired from your job, you weren't sentenced to the death penalty. Your life is not over. In fact, this is a new beginning.

Consider this:

You were fired from your job and you probably didn't like working there anyway or else you would have been performing so well that they would have considered it a truly significant loss to let you go.

You may have been secretly harboring a desire to move forward in life in a new direction. Wishes DO come true and sometimes these type of wishes will mean you have to lose what you have to gain what you really want.

Everything in life is only for a season. You did not fail. Your season at that particular place of employment is now over. You have learned the lessons that you needed to learn and you are free to go and grow.

You need a break. Rushing out and trying to frantically find another job will not work. Sit still. Take a few days with no action and listen to your intuition. Search your heart. You have freedom now, you can write the next story of your life with your next decision. Where do you really want to be?

You may be eligible for unemployment. While this source of income isn't permanent or nearly enough to take care of all of your bills, you are savvy enough to make it work while it lasts.

It is important to understand that your peace of mind precedes your peace in life. Stability is an illusion. Your worth is not tied to what you own or any income a job could offer. Your peace of mind and faith will lead you toward your new direction.

What you must do:

Apply for unemployment.

Be still.

Listen to your intuition. What is it saying? What have you been wanting to do that your job held you back from doing? Recognize it. Make a plan. Go do it.

Get excited! You have a whole new leg of your journey ahead of you. No, you have not failed. No, you have not lost your purpose. No, you will not be in this place for the rest of your life. No, you are not a loser.

You lost your job. It's a JOB. Millions of people have jobs. There are more opportunities for you out there. While you calmly search for your next opportunity, open your inner ears to hear your direction and begin to do the things that you LOVE to do.

You can't rush the process, you can only be diligent with your efforts. You will not lose. Even if you have to move out of your current residence this will only open the door for a new adventure.

You are more than loved and more than capable of figuring out your next step. Your pen is poised. You have what it takes to succeed.

In the meantime, enjoy yourself. Sleep in. Go to the beach to watch the sunrise. Take a trip. Go have a drink in the middle of the week. Spend time with your family. Have everyone take a day off and enjoy a 3 day weekend together.

It is through enjoying the pleasures of life that you maintain a calm countenance that will allow you to hear your inner guidance whisper that necessary steps to find your way.

Relax.

Everything is taken care of.

This was planned.

This has purpose.

You better go out and enjoy this time because when your next opportunity comes for work, you are going to go at it with much more intensity than you've ever done before and you may not get another break like this for YEARS.

Rest up, your REAL life work is just around the corner.


***For EXTRA INSPIRATION- check out The Rebuild Your Life Project, an empowerment outreach that teaches women how to survive their biggest failures. There is even a video documentary that you can watch HERE.

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How To Survive - Toxic Friendships

As we grow and we encounter people during the many stages of life, some change and some don't. We all go through that awkward stage where we aren't happy with ourselves or the lives we have created.

This stage could last for a decade or maybe more, but when you reach the end of it and you look around, many of your friends may still be firmly grounded in this plateau. You don't want to leave them behind because you remember when you were there, but you can't move forward without letting go of their hand and you know they need you and will be disappointed if you do.

How To Recognize A Toxic Friendship

A healthy friendship is one where you interact with the person and you feel better about life and your future.

A toxic friendship drags you down to your lowest place, reminding you of where you once were and keeps you there with consistent stories of betrayal, disgust for the world and everything in it. Your toxic friend is highly critical of herself and of you.

A healthy friendship allows space to do the things you love. You feel free to come and go as you please and you want to interact more in this friendship because of this freedom.

A toxic friendship feels like you are in confinement. You feel obligated to listen to their tales of sorrow and misfortune. You often wish you had a magic wand so that you could zap the negativity out of their life.

A healthy friendship helps you to de-stress. This kind of friend helps you to laugh at life's "seeming" misfortunes. They shift your perspective away from the pain and you breathe easier when you are interacting with them.

A toxic friendship adds more stress to your life. Each time you interact with this friend you feel worse about life and love because you care so much about their well being and you feel powerless to pull them out of their pit of despair.

A healthy friendship leads you to where you want to be most in life. This friend has the knowledge or the perfect motivation to help pull you toward your best life. This friend trusts your decisions and celebrates them with you, believing in the best for your future.

A toxic friendship reminds you of all the problems that could happen on your way to your goals. This friend can never see the light at the end of the tunnel because they don't believe it is there. They want you to stay in the darkness with them.

In order to be fair, I must reiterate that ALL of us have been a version of the "toxic friend" at some point in our lives. Gratefully, that phase didn't last long as we matured and we let go of trying to control the situations and people that entered and exited our lives.

Sometimes it will take a little longer for our loved ones and close friends to release the need to control and it's okay to step back and give them their space. They may be resistant at first, thinking that everyone around them is deserting them but really, as your energy changes to a more light-hearted vibe, you won't feel the desire to be around them anymore because you will enjoy the playful, hopeful energy more.

Energy is contagious. This is what we call a vibe. Have you ever noticed that after speaking with your toxic friend, your entire mood changes and you feel sick on the inside? They have just shifted their energy onto you. We all do this in every interaction. People subconsciously want you to feel the way they are feeling inside. This is why they share the stories they share or speak to you the way they do. They want you to feel like they do.

If this feeling is not a good feeling then it's okay to walk away. Do it gradually. Take baby steps. Call less. Decline offers to hang out. Shift the conversation away from the complaints and the negative behaviors or simply make an excuse and end the conversation altogether.

You are not obligated to a life long relationship with a toxic friend. They will move on and find another toxic person to engage with or they will wake up and realize all they've lost because of their negative expectancy. It's not up to you to make them realize this. They have to heal and mature on their own terms.

For more information you can read about the Toxic Friends Project.

For My Savvy Sisters: Have you ever been the toxic friend and lost your friends because of it? Have you ever walked away from a toxic friend to have them return later in a much healthier state of mind?

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How To Survive - Being Single

It's not a sin to be single. Help for those who feel shame and disappointment about their single status.

It’s Not A Sin To Be Single tackles the following questions:

Why is there so much pressure to be married?

What can I say to people when they ask me why I’m still single?

How do I satisfy my sexual desires as a single person?

How can I change the way I view my position as a single parent?

How can I learn to love myself as I am?

Are there any benefits to being single?

Why am I so miserable?

Will I ever get over the demise of my last relationship?

Is it okay to dream about having my ideal relationship?

There is nothing wrong with you.

That's right, you read correctly. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Being single is not a punishment. You didn't do anything wrong. You are exactly where you are supposed to be at this moment. This moment is necessary. The only thing holding you back is the fact that you haven't discovered why who you are right now, is exactly who you need to be. – Te-Erika Patterson

I believe this book will be a life saver for many women and men. It also includes a bonus chapter with exercises you can do to help ease your mind on those lonely days and nights.

Purchase It's Not A Sin To Be Single.

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How To Survive - Living With Your Parents (Again)

Life is funny sometimes.

You never know what the next day might bring. Something happened in the cosmos and you find yourself having to move back in with your parents. You may be in the midst of a financial crisis or maybe you need space from your romantic partner. You could be going through a mental crisis or just in need of that loving touch from the people who raised you.

Regardless of the situation, you find yourself sitting across the dinner table from them. They look a little different. A few extra gray hairs but they are still pretty much the same. You can't believe this is happening but you KNOW you have to survive this.

Here's how:

1) Take care of their home. Although you are an adult you are still living with your parents so there is a certain amount of respect that needs to be shown. They are taking care of you again and they do not have to. Show appreciation by taking care of things without them having to tell you to.

2) Allow them the authority to make the rules. Your parents may have worked for decades on end to support you. They have battled with unruly bosses and vicious co workers. They have had to swallow their pride and bite their tongues on so many occasions. Their home may be the only place where they have full authority and it is not uncommon for them to go overboard in setting guidelines. Give them that authority in their house. Let go of trying to prove to them that you are your own person and you are an adult. They know that. Do what they ask you to and do it with a smile. This will keep them generally happy and then you are able to get the relief you need to position yourself to move out.

3) Pay a bill. Whenever you have money, give them a portion. Pay an entire bill if you can but if you can't, be sure to do enough chores so that they will begin to see that having you back at home is a benefit instead of a burden.

4) Spend time with them. They haven't had you around in a while so they may actually want to get to know you as an adult. Offer to do things with them that they like to do every once in a while. Show an interest in their lives. This will make them happier to see you. Use this circumstance as an opportunity to create more beautiful memories with them that you will cherish forever.

5) Get out of the house. Don't spend your days sulking around, angry at the world. They are not used to having you there and they will welcome a chance to have some quiet time alone. Plan activities away from the house. Don't use their place as a motel where you simply sleep though. When you do come home, bring a treat for them and keep them smiling everyday.

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