Create Your Own Adventure

Are you ready to spice up your life? There's only one sure-fire way. It's a secret.

How To Find Answers To All of Life's Questions

Do you want wisdom? There are 3 ways to find it.

Review: Vicky Christina Barcelona (2008)

Vicky Christina Barcelona weaves a tale of transformation of two besties who visit Barcelona for the summer unaware that the trip will challenge their current belief systems.

Survival Series: How To Survive A First Date

If you're ready to begin dating again, you'll need to know these mental strategies to make the most of it.

Where Is My Success?

Have you been toiling away for years and don't see any rewards?

Saturday, July 2, 2011

REBUILD: Today's My Birthday


My birthday is today.

I enjoyed the first half of my day because I spent it smiling and making this video.



The rest of the day was spent chasing an internet connection because the man I've been sharing a space with said he is fed up with my personality and complained to the owner that he can't stand being near me.

That made me laugh more than anything.

Although I HAVE complained about him on this blog, I haven't told too many more people about it besides my sister. I know I'm a bit MUCH. I spend a lot of time correcting his ass because he talks so much shit about everyone and I don't want to hear it.

The owner of the shelter is such a diplomat. I felt so stupid and petty standing in his office explaining why I cursed that man out because he called that woman a piece of shit retarded bitch. The woman is long gone and we'll never see her again so she'll never know how much she was discussed after she left but I just couldn't take it anymore.

I'm like that all the time though. A man, saying some stupid shit about a woman just sets me off. I have to learn how to control that. Even if the woman is DEAD WRONG, I still can't help but defend her. I'm always getting into arguments with men over how they talk to women and ME.

The crazy thing is, I'm starting to think that I am the crazy one. Do most people you know talk shit about each other? Do most people you know think it's fun to release their anger on others? Do most people you know intentionally hurt others when they are upset? Do most people you know think people are stupid?

Today a man got so mad at me because, well, i was innocently walking up the sidewalk when some man I never saw before says, "Hey, can you do me a favor?"

I wrinkled my nose and said, "First of all, you need to say hello before you go ASKING me for things. I don't even KNOW you!"

He was so hurt. He said, "I've spoken to you plenty of times."

I shrugged. I don't remember you.

See?

I know I have all these imaginary boyfriends and stuff, but in real life, I don't give men a chance to get close to me at all. I only give the assholes a chance, just so I can prove to myself that all men are assholes. If I surround myself with assholes then my hypothesis is true; all men are assholes.

It's the same with you. Everyone is always trying to prove that what they believe is correct.

Another one of my limiting beliefs is; there is no place for me in this world.

Because I believe that, whenever I find myself beginning to get too comfortable in a situation and people start to talk to me regularly or want to hang out, I freak out and start feeling anxiety and want to leave.

I can't let anyone get too close because I'm trying to prove myself RIGHT that there is no place for me in this world and no one could love me.

See?

Anyway. I could write all day about the things I wish I could change but really, today's not the day to do that.

I may not be where I want to be. I may have set out on a mission that failed. I may not be who i want to be, but I'm here so I may as well make the most of it, at least in my own mind.

In my mind I have a lot of fun. I love myself. I am rich. I travel. I am loved by many. I am a success.

I like it in my own mind.

I like it when I'm deep in there enjoying the bliss of being me.

I feel some poetry in me.

I wonder how deep it could be.

I can't wait to get my own place. I can't wait to close the door and allow no one in. I want to relax and be free to be me and have nobody complain or think they can tell me the way to go.

Some say, I'm running from the world. Maybe I am.

I'm trying to save the world, yet I am so often bruised by it because I'm so sensitive.

Well, I took myself out to eat at the diner. I ordered a pan con bistec con papas fritas. It was so yummy.

Now, I'm gonna try my best to become invisible so that no one else can complain about having me around.

But I tell ya, if ANY man tries to degrade a woman, he gonna get the SAME THING- cursed out, cuz I don't like that at all.

Friday, July 1, 2011

REBUILD: I'm Alright With Me!


I am supertired.

I did it though!

I posted my grant for rental assistance for women. It is my very last goal that I set when I began this project and for a while I wondered how I was going to meet it.

I still haven't quite raised all the money but with the drawing 2 weeks away I know I can get it. I feel quite proud of myself. Finally.

I know I've been a bit MUCH through this whole process but lemme tell you this has not been easy at all. The mental strain I'm under from having to be so creative everyday, work with people in the community while dealing with my own issues from living in a homeless shelter make me feel like I'm going to go crazy any minute.

But I pushed through it.

I can see the light now.

All I have to do is regain my strength back to be able to work again and I'm on my way to saving up for my OWN place to live.

Even when you're trying to do good and it seems like no one cares; do good anyway.

Even when you're busting your butt to make your dreams come true and it feels like you're spinning wheels; keep trying anyway.

EVen if you can't tell if anything will pay off; treat yourself to dinner anyway.

I'm supertired. I have so much to improve about myself as a leader and a person but for right now, I'm okay.

I'm okay with me.

I'll work on the rest later.

Yay!

The Rebuild Your Life Rental Assistance Grant For Women



The Rebuild Your Life Project hosted by MySavvySisters.Com announces it's very first annual grant for rental assistance for women. The Rebuild Your Life Rental Assistant Grant For Women was established to aid women in financial distress to experience a brief relief. The grant was established through donations from the poetry community at Verbal Calligraphy's "Night of Insight" in Hollywood, Florida as well as the efforts of the publisher, Te-Erika Patterson.


The $650 grant will be awarded on or about July 13, 2011 to a woman who meets the following criteria:


Must be a woman aged 18 or older who is a Miami-Dade or Broward county resident. (Required document: copy of valid license or state issued identification showing date of birth)

Must be a single parent on public assistance. (Required document: copy of award letter from public assistance)

Must be employed. (Required document: Current pay stub.)

Must provide copy of your current lease with your name on it and the name and address of your landlord.

The drawing will be held on July 13th, 2011 and the video announcing the winner will be posted on www.youtube.com/embraceyourfantasy on July 14, 2011. The winner will be contacted by phone and/or email and the check will be mailed directly to the mailing address of the landlord of the winner on or about July 16, 2011.

The deadline is July 12, 2011 at 11:59 pm EASTERN.

To apply:

Please scan/photocopy or email in the required documents along with a clear photograph of yourself to RebuildYourLife@MySavvySisters.Com. Please also include a (1) one paragraph introduction of yourself to include your name, date of birth, occupation, city of residence, address, telephone number, childrens names and briefly describe your hopes for your future and how this grant could help you to alleviate financial stress.


To submit entries by postal mail, please send all required documents to:


Te-Erika Patterson

The Rebuild Your Life Project

P.O. Box 221736

Hollywood, Florida 33022


All entries sent by postal mail must be postmarked no later than July 10th to be considered eligible for the drawing.


GOOD LUCK!

Get Relief From Fibroids


By Tracey Daniels
www.fibroidrelief.org


If you have never suffered from uterine fibroids, chances are that you know someone who has. According to the National Institutes of Health (NIH), by the age of 50, 70 percent of Caucasian and 80 percent of African-American women will have fibroids.

Fibroids, benign growths in the uterus, typically range in size from one millimeter to 20 centimeters. They can grow individually or in clusters and often become detectable by a woman because of the symptoms they cause – heavy bleeding, pressure, and pain.

The good news is although most women will at some point have fibroids, only about 25 percent of those women will have fibroids that are symptomatic and require treatment.

For those women whose fibroids are symptomatic, there are a variety of treatment options available. Choices include lifestyle and diet changes, hormonal treatments such as taking birth control pills, incision-free focused ultrasounds, uterine fibroid embolization and surgeries such as a myomectomy or hysterectomy.

At Fibroid Relief, a patient-centric women’s health organization, we understand that a hysterectomy might be the best choice in certain circumstances. However, we generally advocate for the least invasive treatment possible. Right now, about 200,000 hysterectomies are performed in the U.S. every year due to uterine fibroids. We feel that number could be lowered if more women knew about other treatment options. To learn about non-invasive treatment options, see the treatment chart on Fibroid Relief’s website and consult with your doctor about which choice is best. (If you are not satisfied that your doctor is giving you sufficient options, you may want to seek a second opinion – something many insurance programs allow.)

We also feel that it is essential for women to increase dialogue about uterine fibroids. In our interactions with patients, we are consistently surprised by the number of women who are diagnosed with fibroids, only to find out soon after that a close friend or someone in their family has had fibroids but never discussed it.

There is no shame in having fibroids. One of the best ways to be educated and supported is to talk with other women. Most importantly, women need to know that they are not alone and that there are choices and support available to them.


Additional Resources

Fibroid Relief Facebook Group http://www.facebook.com/fibroidrelief

Fibroid Relief Treatment Chart http://fibroidrelief.org/fibroids/what-are-my-treatment-options/

Fibroid Relief Blog http://fibroidrelief.org/category/blog/

NIH Fact Sheet on Uterine Fibroids http://report.nih.gov/nihfactsheets/ViewFactSheet.aspx?csid=50&key=U

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Understanding Spiritual Abuse

Cynthia Mullen Kunsman, RN, BSN, MMin, ND is the voice behind www.UnderMuchGrace.com which is dedicated to discussing the phenomenon of Spiritual Abuse in Evangelical Churches.

Cynthia’s personal outreach to people who are healing from spiritually abusive situations is the saving grace that may set many free from the bondage of condemnation.

In this profile, Cynthia explains several facets of spiritual abuse, its methods, affects and methods for healing. Cynthia frequently offers counseling for individuals dealing with spiritual abuse.


My Savvy Sisters: What is spiritual abuse?

People seek out religion to help them find joy and purpose in life, an experience that should benefit them. Spiritual abuse describes the process by which a religious leader or a group itself misuses authority, power, and the trust that their followers give to them. Rather than serving the greater purpose of the religion, followers are exploited in some way that generally benefits the group's leaders or the ideology which ends up taking on a life of it's own. The virtuous end serves to justify the questionable and exploitative means used to achieve the goals of the group.

David Henke has framed out these characteristics and criteria of Spiritually Abusive groups on his Spiritual Abuse Profile:

Authoritarian: The most distinctive characteristic of a spiritually abusive religious system, or leader, is the over-emphasis on authority. Because a group claims to have been established by God Himself the leaders in this system claim the right to command their followers.

Image Conscious: The abusive religious system is scrupulous to maintain an image of righteousness. The organization's history is often misrepresented in the effort to demonstrate the organization's special relationship to God. . . Their failure to live up to these standards is a constant reminder of the follower's inferiority to his leaders, and the necessity of submission to them. Abusive religion is, at heart, legalism.

Suppresses Criticism: Because the religious system is not based on the truth it cannot allow questions, dissent, or open discussions about issues. The person who dissents becomes the problem rather than the issue he raised. The truth about any issue is settled and handed down from the top of the hierarchy. Questioning anything is considered a challenge to authority.

Perfectionistic: [I]n abusive religions all blessings come through performance of spiritual requirements. Failure is strongly condemned so there is only one alternative, perfection. . . Those who fail in their efforts are labeled as apostates, weak, or some other such term so that they can be discarded by the system.

Unbalanced: Abusive religions must distinguish themselves from all other religions so they can claim to be distinctive and therefore special to God. This is usually done by majoring on minor issues such as prophecy, carrying biblical law to extremes, or using strange methods of biblical interpretation. The imbalanced spiritual hobby-horse thus produced represents unique knowledge or practices which seem to validate the group's claim to special status with God.

In aberrant Christianity, I tend to refer to the last characteristic as “Majoring on minor doctrines” at the expense of the central message of the Gospel, the message of salvation by grace through faith in Jesus Christ. Johnson and VanVonderan's The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse
is one of the best resources which explores these problems within Christian settings. Though this book is my favorite, others tell me that they like Healing Spiritual Abuse by Ken Blue just as much or more. Churches That Abuse, Toxic Faith, and I Can't Hear God Anymore are other popular titles.


My Savvy Sisters: How do spiritual leaders benefit from being abusive?

Interesting question! The benefits vary from group to group, and leader to leader. It depends on the end goal of the group and the leaders themselves. Some groups are driven by money, and others by power. Some religious groups also exploit sex as well. Other groups serve to meet the psychological needs of the leader.

The primary group leader of a group generally fits a typical narcissistic profile, what some have termed the Machiavellian Personality after the famed Prince Machiavelli. With only casual contact with such an individual, one would never suspect that they had anything less than the highest moral character, but this is just on the surface. In addition to being very charismatic, charming and keenly shrewd, they never show humility, they believe that ethics apply only to the weak (so they are exempt from moral standards which serves their exaggerated sense of entitlement), and they prefer to be feared (prefer an authoritarian style of control). Despite their capacity for arrogance, they can feign compassion and humility impeccably when it suits their objectives, yet they have a very limited capacity for showing true empathy to others. Those who tend toward this profile demand a great deal of attention and praise, and they thrive on the power others surrender to them.

Your question also speaks to a dynamic found within spiritually abusive groups themselves. The sub-status of a type of “middle management leader” that is bestowed on followers within spiritually abusive groups provides “true believers” with status, prestige, and the rewards of approval and worth. Groups promote an external basis of worth, discouraging individuals to derive confidence and well-being from within themselves. The profoundly powerful sense of reward comes with these positions in middle management within the system, and members lust after them because it offsets the discomfort of the shame-oriented control measures used in such groups to control members.

My Savvy Sisters: What kind of person is attracted to spiritually abusive relationships?

All people are vulnerable to spiritually abusive relationships. Spiritual abuse involves covert and surreptitious manipulation of individuals, preventing them from making informed decisions about the nature of the group and their belief system. During recruitment, the less popular ideas of the group are concealed, all while the individual's emotions, thoughts, and behaviors are subtly manipulated. The group also shares misleading information with the new recruit (another element of concealing the true nature of the group's belief system). We all have some degree of desire to be part of something bigger than ourselves, and spiritually abusive groups manipulate this idealism. We also all have emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, and we all rely upon information, and all of these factors are manipulated in spiritually abusive groups. In that sense, all people are vulnerable.

Most people report that their recruitment occurred when under a great deal of stress, particularly following a major life change. After the death of a family member, relocation, a new job, going off to college, or while recovering from some other traumatic experience, a person does not have access to all of their support systems and internal resources. They are a bit off-balance in this sense, and this is generally when people are more vulnerable to cultic manipulation. They are emotionally weary and have other types of needs, and in sweeps the cultic group or influence, offering a ready made solution which promises solves all of their problems. They're given both purpose and community in the process.


My Savvy Sisters: How do most people recognize that they are in a bad situation and need to leave?

Though some groups reject and shun some ex-members, most group members walk away from groups because of their dissatisfaction with the group. Because of the idealistic nature of the group goal, most people don't recognize the problems until they suffer some punishment for non-compliance, or they witness the “damage control” or punishment techniques used against another member. So many people report that they would never have believed anything negative about the group nor would have believed the negative reports of others until they suffered negative consequences themselves, experiences that are usually beyond their ability to fathom.

Spiritually abusive groups prohibit criticism, and most people suppress their own internal doubts about things in order to feel more comfortable, really, in order to survive in the group. The group demands that critical thought be relinquished to group leadership, making decisions and discernment the responsibility of someone else. Critical thinking and any remote voicing of dissent will be punished. On the other hand, leadership rewards compliance and model citizens with many benefits and higher status. Groups never declare this rule about compliance to members, but all come to understand this unspoken standard through the behaviors of the group.

When the individual can find a safe place or a relationship with someone outside of the group that tolerates and encourages their doubts and their own critical thinking, the member begins to gain some healthy perspective about the gradual changes that have culminated into a new way of thinking for them. Reconnecting with their life before the group can be very helpful. A break in that person's regular routine in a different environment can provide a respite from the demands of the group, and it can often be something like a weekend out of town with loved ones. It creates the opportunity for their own thinking and suppressed doubts about the group to come to the surface without fear of punishment.

Though the stereotypical deprogramming which was popularized in the seventies is no longer practiced, it essentially forced the break in the person's routine and provided the member an opportunity to break free of the mental oppression of the group. Exit counseling replaces deprogramming wherein members are taught about the manipulative nature of high demand groups, and in a safe and supportive environment, the member's own critical thinking ability that was suppressed and punished by the group emerges again.


My Savvy Sisters: What affect does spiritual abuse have on the mind & life of the victim?

Spiritual is a process that takes place over time that does not readily seem like a manipulative situation initially. The process shuts down the critical thinking skills of the individual and gradually lulls them into a state wherein they are dependent on their group and the leaders for their sense of worth and being. The stress of the experience distorts perception and judgment which deepens over time produces both depression and anxiety. Members are taught to fear the outside world and to view it as dangerous, creating great fear. People within spiritually abusive groups experience these effects to varying degrees, and the severity also varies between groups as well.

For those who leave spiritual abuse:

Because the group becomes such a large part of a person's life, people feel depression and grieving over the sense of loss. The person may need to completely reconstruct their entire belief system, in addition to the stress of leaving the group. There is also a loss of purpose, because the group provided this for the member. Many feel guilt and disappointment in themselves for becoming involved or for the things that they may have done while a member. People who leave spiritually abusive groups are shunned, and this can be devastating. One loses all social contacts and close friends from within the group, and sometimes this involves family members, too. Many struggle with anger over what has been done to them, and it can be a challenge to recall or learn how to feel appropriate anger, and that can induce a great deal of fear.

Fear is another very difficult problem. Groups focus and maintain members by continually stressing how much better they are than everyone else, and that they have a special relationship to God because they are unique. Leaving that mindset means leaving that sense of special connection which can be quite fear inducing because they might be leaving God. People may also believe that their group leader has an extraordinary ability to see into their hearts and will know that they've abandoned the group. But there is another feature at play: most spiritually abusive groups shun and curse those who wish to leave. I was told personally that some great calamity would befall me or someone close to me as a direct result of my leaving the group (cancer, loss of a job, death of children). Others have been told that they would be visited by the “Three Ds: death, disease, and divorce.” Given the depleted emotional and psychological state that one is in upon leaving, this can be a very fearful experience on top of the idea that one has lost a connection to God or their eternal soul itself. There is a belief that“God will get them” for leaving.

A sense of purposelessness can overlap with the sense of being disconnected from everything in general. Researchers who have had the experience themselves and entered into this work as a ministry have described feeling ill. Some believe that the “brain fog” they experienced was the new onset of allergies and sought testing. There is a sense of derealization, and the way one experiences life becomes dreamlike. Others who exit groups that practice extended sessions of meditation may have even greater difficulty with a pronounced feeling of disconnect, something that has been termed “floating,” a type of dissociation which becomes harder to manage.

Other psychological challenges can arise as well including “thinking outside of the box” that the spiritually abusive system created for them. Watching a news show may be something that was sinful while in a group, or accepting information from a source that the group demonized can be a stressful experience. Spiritual abuse survives on authoritative “black and white” thinking, wherein all things are defined as matters of extremes. It takes time to learn that there are many shades of color in the world and that many things do not reduce to extremes. Everything becomes spiritualized within groups, and the tendency to see all things through what becomes a sense of magical thinking will diminish as the person works on their own recovery.

Decision making can be another practical problem that a person must work at because of the effects of the dynamics of the group. Some can struggle with symptoms of severe stress or even Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and this adds to the feeling of isolation that all former members tend to feel. Feeling isolated is feature of PTSD and the process that it has within the brain itself. The experience can be very embarrassing to discuss with others which also adds to the sense of isolation, as does a general reluctance among most people to discuss spiritual abuse itself.


My Savvy Sisters: What can the abused person do to get help?

The abused person benefits the most by learning about what group manipulation and spiritual abuse are and how these techniques were used in their own specific group. People need to understand the way the process works and that the residual effects of the process will not last. People who have exited spiritual abuse have actually had a normal response to an abnormal situation, and their difficulties are actually signs of their own health, a realization that is empowering. After the initial phase of understanding what happened to them, the person must also sort through the rubble of what they experienced, reclaiming and recovering themselves as well as the good aspects of the experience. This is a process of integration, because there are many good things that they will want to embrace, despite the hardships. It is a part of making peace with the experience as they walk through it, transforming the pain into something that actually enriches their lives and their character.

Of course, gathering with other former members, especially ex-members from their own group also helps people overcome the isolation and the shame of feeling duped. They were not the only ones who were deceived in this way, and connecting with other members to talk about their experiences is profoundly helpful. The International Cultic Studies Association holds annual conventions with workshops for former members, and they also hold a workshop for children or adults who grew up in spiritually abusive groups, addressing those specific needs. They can also often arrange for counselors to meet with small groups when larger numbers of people make an exodus. Personal counseling is also always an option.

I believe that journaling one's experiences and thoughts is essential to recovery because of the healing effects of writing down one's thoughts and feelings. Its beneficial effects have been studied and documented, and it also provides some daily structure which reinforces commitment to recovery. Soul Repair: Rebuilding Your Spiritual Life by VanVonderan and the Ryans can help provoke thoughts and give a person ideas about their own recovery, helping them to journal about their experience. My favorite book for help with practical issues as opposed to spiritual ones is Take Back Your Life by Janja Lalich, and it can be used as a guide to get started in journaling, too. The book describes the experience of spiritual abuse but also has lists of questions which help to prompt a person's review of their experience. I also like Who's Pulling Your Strings by Harriet Braiker for the more personal aspects of recovery, picking up where Take Back Your Life concludes. As a jumping off point for those who have not journaled before, answering the thoughtful questions in the book that are geared towards recovery can be a great start.


My Savvy Sisters: What does your organization offer? Who can receive this help?

I'm actually not an organization but a private individual who has been through the process of spiritual abuse and recovery myself. I set out to explain and describe the true nature of the dynamics at work within some specific Christian groups (the quiverfull and patriarchy movements). I hoped to educate others about the ways in which spiritually abusive groups operate, and much of the best information I offer can be found on the sidebar of my website UnderMuchGrace.com.

People often write to me for specific help and often just to share their story. There is a great power in telling others who understand your experience, and I do quite a lot of listening and encouraging via email. I sometimes refer people to other resources like the International Cultic Studies Association for more specific concerns. I offer some helpful ideas about what to read and have collected lots of online material including audio and video helps that people can add to their own study of spiritual abuse. Reading and learning about spiritual abuse, cultic behavior, and how manipulation works is THE BEST way to recover from the experience.

Anyone can write to me for more help or more information about a specific issue, whether it concerns aberrant Christianity or some other manipulative group. My focus in this area is unique because of my interest in the techniques used by spiritual abusers. Chances are that if a related concern is not addressed on my website, I likely know someone else to whom I can refer others who does deal with the matters that I do not. I'm also asked to address certain specific issues concerning spiritual abuse, so I will often write specifically about particular problems on my website.


My Savvy Sisters: Why is it important to get help?

The experience of spiritual abuse can be devastating, and there is help available. One of the most helpful and healing aspects of finding help for me was learning that I was not alone in my experience.

It is also important to learn about the tactics and spiritual abuse and manipulation in general, especially after the experience. Within Christianity, many people leave the heartbreak that they experienced at one church, and without learning about the dynamics of how groups operate, they often get involved with another group that is no different than the one they left. People will believe that it was just the leadership of the first church, never realizing the process and the hallmark signs of spiritual abuse itself. Because we are attracted to the familiar and because we human beings tend to seek out situations that replay our unresolved traumas, we are very likely to get involved in another spiritually abusive situation instead of recognizing the dynamics and walking away.


My Savvy Sisters: How can this help change the victim's life?

Spiritual abuse is merely manipulation on a larger scale, focusing on groups of people rather than just individuals. A person can use the experience to strengthen their own sense of self and their own beliefs, making good use of the experience as a learning experience.

In terms of spiritual things, the experience gives a person to develop their belief system, something they many not have done before, relying on others to do it for them. It is a wonderful process of personal growth to do a personal moral inventory and choose one's own course, a very enriching and positive experience. It can become a great opportunity to reclaim one's own heart and soul in a new way, reconnecting with faith without coercion and in a positive way.

Harriet Braiker does a great job of walking a person through this process of “becoming a hard target” for all manipulators and manipulation in general in her book Who's Pulling Your Strings. She talks about “clearing out the bugs in your mental computer” (pg 207), a process of recognizing areas of vulnerability in your own life that manipulators tend to abuse. She presents tools for overcoming “people-pleasing habits and mindsets, approval addiction, fear of anger/conflict/confrontation, lack of assertiveness/inability to say no, a blurry sense of identity, low self-reliance, and an external locus of control” (pp 205-235). Exploring these topics can yield a remarkable gain in every area of a person's life. Addressing the unfinished business of our lives encourages us to move through the past and into a bright future.

Manipulation of any type takes a heavy toll on overall well-being, emotional health, psychological health, physical health as well as a person's relationships. The process of recovery can help people find their innate sense of courage and strength, and it will manifest in ways that they could never imagine. Along the way, people realize that they had these abilities all along but lacked the skills and knowledge about how to use them. People learn again or for the first time how how they can trust themselves, a truly wonderful gift.

Read More Spiritual Abuse Survivor: Erika's Story

Read More Recovering From Spiritual Abuse

REBUILD: Nobody Cares


They don't respect me because I have nothing.

At least that's the conclusion that I've come to.

I am almost done raising money for this grant and the woman I wanted to give it to won't even return my calls. No, I didn't TELL her about the grant, I wanted it to be a surprise, but she won't even call me back. I won't beg her to take it.

This reminds me of another woman that was referred to me. She was living in an abused woman's shelter. As soon as I spoke to her I asked her about the obstacles standing in her way of rebuilding her life and I immediately began researching and coming up with ways to remove them. I scheduled a job interview for her and the day came she never showed up or called me back. She hasn't called back since.

When I spoke to the man who referred her I told him about the grant I was raising and the help I am offering and he told me that when he spoke to her she seemed hesistant about me because of the way I speak (very relaxed) and the fact that I am homeless. "You should have something to give women that will let them know that you have something because they don't know that you can really help," he said.

I shook my head.

Wow. Women don't want my help because I'm being myself. I'm two seconds away from taking this money and finding myself a place to live and saying fuck it, they don't want me to help them.

What am I doing this for?

Oh yeah. I'm trying to give the kind of support I wish I had when I was in need. I am trying to BE the type of person that I'd love to meet and be close friends with.

Nobody cares.

They all want to see me driving the shiny car with the fashion labels and the awards before they'll believe I can help them. I don't need that. My heart to help is evident in my ACTIONS.

Nobody cares.

Regardless, I'm going to do what I set out to do. This is my last goal from the ones I set when I began this project. I can do this.

Today I had to go to the emergency room because I was having severe back pain. I pulled a muscle while I was working and it hurt to even breath, much less serve tables. I was almost crying, well, I was crying. It hurt so much I thought something in me was going to burst open.

When I got to the ER I didn't want to stay because I saw the doctors and I just don't like the experiences I've had since I've gone there. I left. Secretly, I'm nervous about being prescribed pain medication. One of my old friends told me, "If you take a vicodin or a Xanax, you will LOVE IT."

And I see everyone around here stealing, crying, lieing and whatever else you can think of to get pills. I don't want to be like them. I don't want to be addicted. I've been offered my fair share of drugs since I've been here at this homeless shelter. Although I am curious about what kind of high could make you STEAL and sell your body, I really just look at the person offering it to me and think, "Do I want to be like this person?"

Of course I say, "No thanks."

Aww. My back is killing me. All I want is a bed and a hug and some pampering. I deserve it. Dammit. I deserve it!

~sigh~

Nobody cares.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Your World News Report - June 29, 2011


Berlyne Julmis

News Coordinator

Suicide Bombers Attack Intercontinental Hotel in Afghanistan

A group of suicide Taliban bombers attack the Intercontinental hotel in Kabul, Afghanistan. The hotel is known to accommodate international guest. The number of casualties is yet unknown. The attack comes shortly after it was announce their will be an increase of security forces in the Afgan National Army and Afghan National Police from 300,000 to 352,

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Mammograms Can Save Your Life

A breast cancer research done in Sweden concluded that women who get mammograms done regularly have a better chance of being a breast cancer survivor or even prevented from getting the disease. 130,000 women participated in the study and were divided into two groups –one group received regular doctor care and the other received routine mammograms screenings. The research concluded that 30 percent more women receiving mammograms survived from breast cancer—each year the number of survivors or women saved from getting breast cancer increased. The screening phase lasted for 7years-- the research itself was conducted for the last 29 years longest research done on women in the fight against breast cancer in the world. In the U.S. women are recommended to have regular mammograms screening starting at the age of 40.

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Christine Lagarde New IMF Chief

Christine Lagarde of France was named the new IMF Chief after both Russia and US back her nomination. Lagarde have been the French Minister of Finance since June 2007 and was appointed against Agustin Carstens of Mexico. Lagarde will start her five year term starting in July--her appointment to the position came after the resignation of Dominique Strauss-Kahn who is facing alleged assault charges in the U.S. who is currently out on bond under supervised house arrest.

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Blagojevich Found Guilty

Former Governor Blagojevich of Illinois was found guilty of 17 out of 20 corruption charges filed against him. The jury was made of 11 women and 1 man who deliberated for seven days before announcing the verdict. Blagojevich is now waiting his sentencing which he can face up to 300 years in federal prison. Blagojevich is disappointed in the jury’s verdict and still pleas his innocence.

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Monday, June 27, 2011

REBUILD: Something's Different

I can feel it now.

What was once a mystery to me is now plain.

Now I see why some women who go through trials lack the confidence they need to move forward. I'm working two jobs now and even though I go in and learn as much as I can to move forward with making money, there's something in me that won't allow me to relax.

I'm still living in a homeless shelter but I'm not ashamed of that. No, I am not as attractive as I used to be but I don't care about that. Yes, I have to take buses and walk everywhere I go but then again as I'm walking and taking the bus I am more grateful to have legs and to have the MONEY to take the bus, so that's not holding me back.

What is it?

I think the divide is more wide than it used to be. I'm meeting too many people. My anxiety seems to be coming back. It's not like I care what people think of me, although with my chronic bad breath and the fact that I smell like this homeless shelter, I am self conscious about my smell. I think it's just, with the project, man, it's not something for common conversation.

How could I bring that up in conversation when most people are talking about marriage and boyfriend drama and school? I'm feeling the rejection and disdain for myself for being a homeless person yet I am not surrounded by seemingly "normal" people who don't know anything about me. I have to smile and wave and pretend to be normal. I'm not.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to work. I am so grateful for BOTH jobs. I just wish, I could feel the way I felt before and I don't really know what that feeling is but I know it's missing.

Something has changed in me.

My Savvy Sister of The Week- Heidi Durrow

Heidi Durrow is the New York Times best-selling author of The Girl Who Fell From the Sky. She is also the author of the blog Light-skinned-ed Girl.

She began writing The Girl Who Fell From The Sky in 1998 after leaving her job as a public litigator to pursue her dream of writing. “I always had this dream of being a published novelist,” Heidi explained. “But, I needed a job that would allow me to do this work. I thought to myself, I’m 28 and I have to write this book before I’m 30.”

Heidi said she struggled through the writing process and had a bout of writers block which lasted for years. “I realized that I was about to turn 35 without a book so I put myself on deadline,” she said. “The difficult part about being an artist is that no one really cares if you’re doing your work and there’s no deadline. I had to create one. I subscribed to poets and writers magazines. I started following the deadlines they posted for grants and contests and I wrote my book as a series of short stories. A year later, I won a contest.”

After facing a barrage of rejections from literary publications she created a rule for herself. “For every rejection I got, I had to send out another story to 2 more literary publications,” Heidi said. “I doubted myself for a long time because I had always been a good student and I was always able to follow the rules. As an artist you are required to break the rules. It required me to look at the rules differently. I had this buzz going and I finished the manuscript in 2004. It took me a year and finally found an agent, the same agent who represents Alice Walker. She loved the manuscript and believed in it. She sent it to about 3 dozen publishers and they all rejected it for various reasons. They were looking for more comical books or they didn’t believe there was a market for this type of book.”

After sending her book out to a dozen more publishing houses The Girl Who Fell From The Sky remained on the rejection list. “The only reason it finally got published was that I sent it out to a contest and it won. The Bell Weather Prize For Literature & Social Change awarded $25,000 in prize money and a guaranteed book contract. I had gone from being the rejected novelist to being a New York Times best-seller,” Heidi remembered.

“People keep asking me, ‘Why did you keep going after all that rejection?’ More than wanting a physical book in my hand I wanted to share a vision that I wanted the world to share in. How can I refine my vision so that people can understand that this is something they should be interested in. That was a major hurdle that I overcame,” Heidi explained.

“Being a debut novelist in an age where people are telling me that the book is dieing is a feat within itself. The book came out last year and became a national best seller,” Heidi said proudly. “This year it came back in paperback and its been on the NY Times bestsellers list for a few weeks. This is the book that editors said no one could relate to and there’s no market. Clearly there is.”

Heidi said she planned to write the next great American novel, but making such a grand goal only set her back because of the immense pressure. “Doing lots of research and having lots of information on hand so the next step and the next step makes sense. When I broke it down into increments, it seemed more doable,” Heidi said. “I had a very good friend who said ‘You are going to write 200 words per week. And you’re going to call me and read the words to me every week.’ I would write the words and I would read the words to her and she kept me accountable.Breaking down the massive dream into smaller steps is what really helped me.”

Protect Your Phone Number With Google Voice


Do you wish that you could easily block calls from telemarketers or ex boyfriends who don't know when to quit?

Do you have a gmail account?

If so, your problem is solved. You can set up a google voice account and your worries are over.

A google voice account gives you the option to choose a new telephone number to give out to anyone you please. All calls made to this new phone number can be routed to your cell phone, business phone or house phone and the caller will not know the difference.

You can also make calls using google voice by dialing your google voice number from your own phone and accessing your account.

Google voice also offers free voicemail. When a caller calls, you can opt to send them to voicemail. While they are leaving their message you can listen in and decide if you want to pick up the call or not. If you decide not to answer and they leave a message, their message will be transcribed for you and sent to you as a text message.

If you no longer wish to receive calls from a specific person, you can log in to your account online and block their number.

The only problem I have with using my google voice number is the fact that I don't have it memorized yet and when I meet people and I am out of business cards, I tend to give out my regular number so that I can keep in touch.

For My Savvy Sisters: Can you think of someone you WISH didn't have your number? Have you ever had to change your number because you were tired of someone calling?

EDITORIAL: Paving the Way for GLBT Equality

By Christina Fermin

Politics & Society Columnist


We live in the united States of America, the birthplace of freedom and representative government. While we may enjoy many freedoms and liberties that many other nations around the world do not have, we still have some leaps and bounds to achieve in our society. Believe it or not there are still second class citizens here in this country. Once upon a time those second class citizens were people of color and women, and thanks to the civil rights movement and the passage of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 women and people of color are no longer second class citizens. Instead today those second class citizens are the gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered.


Regardless of what your beliefs are our constitution ensures that every citizen has the right to life, liberty, equality and the pursuit of happiness. In truth whatever your beliefs are homosexuals are not harming anyone, Jesus never preached against it, and the bible has been translated so many times that the few references in the bible supposedly about homosexuality are most likely mistranslations. The word homosexual was not even invented until the late 1800s due to people’s obsession with labeling things. We like labels because they separate us and put each of us into a category. Screw categories!! People are people and we are all in the same boat, get over it.


This past weekend, the GLBT community achieved a wonderful victory, the New York Senate by a 33-29 vote cleared the way for marriage equality in the one of the largest states in the country. New York, the birthplace of the Stonewall riots became the sixth state in the nation to allow homosexuals to marry, a state with about 42,000 gay couples and a population of more than 19 million people, this is a huge victory for the GLBT community. Just a year ago only 44-46% of Americans approved of gay marriage, today about 53% of Americans support gay marriage and this number keeps growing. Every year as that number climbs, more states will allow for equality.


Just to be clear, the GLBT community is looking for marriage equality, this means they want to be able to get married in town hall, where they can share the same legal benefits that heterosexual couples get. There are 2 ways to get married, through a religious ceremony or civil, town hall style. The GLBT community does not care what institution accepts marriage, religious institutions can remain out of this as they wish, but they should be allowed to marry through government institutions because that right is promised in the constitution. Religions can complain and talk all they want, but in the end, it is the responsibility of the state to care for its citizens and protect small groups of people that are ostracized and discriminated against.


Opponents against marriage equality argue that it will be the moral downfall of society. I beg to differ, with such grandeur issues at hand, I really wish religious folks would put all of that energy into something more threatening to life and freedom. The downfall of society is not homosexuality or marriage equality, but climate change, corruption, pollution, health care, corporate politicians, bankers and greed which are far more dangerous than two men or women getting married. How is love harmful to society? When is love ever wrong? I’m sorry but you cannot group homosexuality with murders, thieves and rapists. There are GLBT people all around us, and we want the same things that any other “normal” family or person wants, the only difference is that walking next to us is someone of the same sex. Now onward to the REAL issues that threaten society!


Peace & Love,

Christina


About the Columnist

With a bachelors degree in political science from Florida Atlantic University, Christina Fermin has always cultivated her love for history, politics, sociology, ancient knowledge and teachings, the outdoors, the ocean and the environment. Christina strives to make our world better by helping us all create a new reality and understanding of all taking place here and now.

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