Create Your Own Adventure

Are you ready to spice up your life? There's only one sure-fire way. It's a secret.

How To Find Answers To All of Life's Questions

Do you want wisdom? There are 3 ways to find it.

Review: Vicky Christina Barcelona (2008)

Vicky Christina Barcelona weaves a tale of transformation of two besties who visit Barcelona for the summer unaware that the trip will challenge their current belief systems.

Survival Series: How To Survive A First Date

If you're ready to begin dating again, you'll need to know these mental strategies to make the most of it.

Where Is My Success?

Have you been toiling away for years and don't see any rewards?

Friday, April 27, 2012

I Wished I Was A Boy & My Wish Came True: Embracing My Transgender Identity

Sometimes I wish I was a boy.

For me, it’s about not being dismissed by men for being too aggressive and sometimes it's a more subtle yearning to care for a woman the way I always wished I had been cared for. For some women, this fantasy is more than just a fleeting thought. There are some who feel trapped behind the breasts and vagina that seem to define their place in this world. Some, like the unique spirit whose story is shared below, come to the point where they make a decision not to live out the gender role that was assigned to them. There is a label for that; it is called transgendered. There’s another label I’d like to add: Truly Authentic

For Xavier, a popular YouTuber, who shares videos about his transition as a transman, a person who self identifies as a male despite being born with female sexual organs, life could not be more clear or more beautiful than it is right now. Revealing feelings of confusion and frustration over being encouraged to wear dresses, a struggle over his sexual identity as well as his effort to actually take the necessary steps to live life as a man, Xavier, a 22-year-old from Clinton, Maryland openly shares his life and his newfound love for himself with MySavvySisters.

Xavier's Story

I became aware of the disconnection I felt from being called a girl while identifying as a boy around the age of seven. I felt like any other boy. I simply was one and I had no doubt about it. At least not until people insisted on calling me a girl and telling me to conform to the norms of my assigned gender. That was when I began to question why that was. The moment of truth came when I was about 9 years old and bathing with my little cousin who is three years younger. We were bathed together quite often, but on that particular day I had actually taken a look at him and noticed the differences in our anatomy. I had decided that my anatomy was the reason for the way people treated me. There could not have been any other reason in my mind. Turns out I was right. It upset me to say the least.

Earlier on in my life I didn't have many friends. People in elementary school shunned me for the most part. They constantly called to attention the fact that I looked like a boy, played like a boy and did other things that are typically associated with boys. But not many boys wanted to play with me, often telling me to go where I belonged, with the girls. When with the girls, they demanded that I play with the boys. I literally had nowhere to go in the classroom or on the playground. So I got use to being alone and not speaking to others. My silence and lack of friendship was so bad that teachers were constantly questioning me about my well-being. But my silence was also my way of protecting my emotions, by hiding. I hated being seen as a girl or being addressed as my birth name. The less I was reminded that I was her, the better I felt in spite of my loneliness.

I didn't make any real friends until middle school, when I met Tanisha and Tatiana. They were the only people I hung out with and actually spoke to. Tanisha also defended me a lot when others teased me or suggested that I was a lesbian. At the time, I did not identify as a lesbian although I was aware of my attraction to females. It was not until high school did I take on that label. When I came out, Tanisha continued to be my friend and treated me no differently. She has no clue how great an impact her friendship made in my life.

I had a lot of thoughts. Some about the treatment of females in comparison to males, some about
why I was even considered a female, and finally, what did that mean for me? How I dealt with these thoughts and feelings was by praying to god. I prayed every night for the safety of my family, and then finally I would ask to wake up a boy. I asked to be given a chance at correcting this "mistake." I also began to ask my parents to allow me to dress how I wanted, to which they complied. Despite their open-mindedness, I still felt that I had no one to talk to about it. Judging by how people treated me for just being a tomboy, I felt that insisting I was actually a boy would only make matters worse. I wasn't even sure of how to articulate it until the age of 15, when I found the term "transgender." I tried talking to my girlfriend at the time and she literally laughed in my face. I was hurt and immediately became discouraged, so I swept it to the back of my mind and stayed silent until I was 18.

A trans man is someone of transitional history who was assigned female at birth but now identifies as male. My final decision came when I was 18 years old. In the months leading to that point, I had been becoming increasingly unsure of who I was and where my life was headed. I no longer felt like the labels I identified myself as were fitting, and the life I had created did not feel like my own. I was becoming more masculine in my mannerisms and the women I dated could not relate. The feeling that I was not a butch lesbian became extremely difficult to ignore. I also became increasingly depressed and unable to foresee a future for myself. When I tried to imagine myself as an older woman, I could literally only see darkness. But I envisioned myself as a father, as a husband and doing even the most mundane things as a man, and suddenly my whole world lit up. It made much more sense and didn't give me the uncomfortable feeling being a woman did. So I began to explore that realm by binding my chest, wearing soft packers in my pants and informing everyone I was going by the name Xavier. Each step I took towards embracing my masculinity made me feel the happiest I ever had in my entire life. So I researched the effects of testosterone and the process to acquire it, and soon came the coming out.

When I told my family, it didn't seem as though anyone was really surprised. That was also the same response I received when I came out as a lesbian. When I came out to them as a lesbian, I literally wrote them both notes saying "I'm a dyke." and that was it. There was no fuss, no opposition or anything of the sort. My parents simply stressed that I be careful with PDA. But when I came out as trans my parents apologized for how they raised me and my mother expressed that she wishes she had known. She says had she known, she wouldn't have given me such a feminine name or raised me in the manner she did. I came out to my parents by writing them both long and detailed letters. I first began by sharing my experiences as a child, when and how I knew, and explaining why I behaved the way I did at times. Like screaming and fussing whenever my mother tried to gussy up my appearance with dresses and lipstick for photo shoots.

It was different coming out as a trans because I felt I needed to go in depth about it. There was a lot to explain, but I figured my parents number one concern would be my safety. I wanted to let them know that I was thinking clearly about my decision. Being that transitioning means they have to transition with me as well, I explained my pursuit of hormones and how it would affect me, what it meant and that I was going about it safely. I wanted them to know what to expect so that nothing came as a surprise. I also informed them that I had decided on the name Xavier. My mother actually chose my middle name, Alexander.

I started making videos on my YouTube channel in 2008. I began making videos because I noticed there was a very large absence of visibility amongst young men of color. When I searched for stories, nearly 99% of what I found were of white men who were also typically much older in age. This said to me, as a teenager, that I would not be able to afford the transition, and this also left a great absence of insight of transitioning as a person of color. I wanted to know about the black male experience, yet all I found were highly privileged men who had fewer obstacles socially and financially. It was discouraging, and knowing the trouble this had given me, I did not want that for others.

Yes, I am completely sure that I will have surgery. It’s just a matter of when. I know for certain that I want a double mastectomy, but I am not entirely sure when it comes to 'bottom' surgery. I imagine I eventually will have that as well though, just much later on in life.

I think when considering transitioning, its best to ask these three questions;

1. What is the root of my desire to transition?
2. Am I doing this out of pressure to conform?
3. Is this something I can live with for the rest of my life?

I think these three questions are very important things to ask, no matter what the answer may ultimately be. It is much safer to explore and ask the questions you probably do not want to, and to do so without judgment from yourself or those internalized voices of society in your head. You just have to listen to and accept yourself for who you are, because no matter how much you try and repress your truth, it will always be.

Te-Erika's Blog: My First Webinar

Ever since last October I had this idea to start doing webinars to teach wisdom and life lessons live to women. This excites me because I love attending webinars and I always imagine what I would say if I were a presenter and what I would do if it were MY webinar.

haha! I just laughed because that sounds kinda geeky doesn't it? Oh well, I'm a geek- so be it.

Anyway, back in October I had the idea to do webinars so I began to research, attend other webinars to pick up pointers and plan my curriculum. The only problem was which platform to use as well as my own confidence about whether anyone would attend my webinars because I am virtually an unknown.

It wasn't until a couple of weeks ago that I saw a platform called BlogTV that allows Youtubers to broadcast live and chat with their viewers that I realized that I could use this platform to teach my webinars. So I chose a topic, announced it on my blog and through social media and spent 4 hours creating the presentation in powerpoint.

When the day of the webinar came I was so excited and nervous but it wasn't like I was new at this just excited to be starting on another phase in my career; teaching.

After the webinar I sat back and laughed at myself. Everything went wrong. My internet connection went out. My audio was bad. No one came to listen. It was horrible. But you know what? Even though no one was there I taught the lesson anyway and finished it in 45 minutes.

Nothing goes perfectly the first time, you're going to make mistakes and that is how you become a genius, by learning from each mistake as you try and try again. If you know you're going to fail the first time, because we often do, you may as well get  that first failure out of the way.

Here's the graphic I made that lists the key points of the webinar where I tried to teach the symptoms of a poverty mentality so that women would recognize how their mental habits affected their financial state.



Thursday, April 26, 2012

Dreams Come True: I Want To Be Barbie

A 21-year-old model from the Ukraine has finally accomplished her childhood dream; she wanted to be a real life Barbie doll. Valeria Lukyanova's photos are being shared across the internet along with the typical pejorative statements from people saying it's a shame that she did this to herself. With the use of surgery, Valeria has become the epitome of the beauty of Barbie, the long standing standard of beauty for women.

I have no problem with what she's done. She had a dream and she made it come true. Cheers to her for being bold enough to take action and realize her dream.

Pics below.







REVIEW: Think Like A Man (2012)


I wasn't surprised that Think Like A Man, the new romantic comedy based on Steve Harvey's relationship advice book hit theatres last week and shined like a watch tower at sea. With a cast of actors that were some all time favorites and a few fresh faces, this movie made me walk out smiling, feeling the same way I did the first time I saw The Best Man and Two Can Play That Game. In essence, it was definitely time for another film like this.

Michael Ealy, Gabrielle Union, Taraji Henson, Meagan Good, Jeremy Ferrara, Romany Malco and Kevin Hart lead the cast in stellar performances as a group of lovers and friends whose relationship goals are as different as they come. Harvey's book, Think Like A Man, Act Like A Lady,  is the catalyst for the cast as the women follow Harvey's advice in order to get the results they desire from men, most notably, commitment.

While I am not an advocate of teaching women that they have to WORK to receive the ever elusive wedding ring, I understand that most people think in these terms which is why Harvey's book and this movie were a hit.

With cameos by the delicious Chris Brown and the awesome Wendy Williams, the cast was robust with Black star power that reminded me of a modern day Grease. I actually started singing Summer Nights as two of the characters, recounted their meeting to their friends.

Kevin Hart's signature brand of comedy relayed well into his acting style and many in the theatre felt that he stole the show. I'll admit watching him perform initiated a bit of deja vu as I happened upon one of his other films, 35 and Ticking, a few weeks ago on Netflix. Hart literally plays the exact same character he did in 35 and Ticking; Thankfully he was enjoyable in both.

Although the movie trailors and previews seemed to pit one sex against the other, from my vantage point, the movie depicted the reality of relationships in real life, the women lead and the men follow, all in pursuit of the 'cookie'.

Real life lessons that speak to deciding if what we think we want is actually what we need, were taught with precision by Taraji Henson's character, a beautiful COO who meets an unemployed prep cook played by Michael Ealy. Yet, this promiscuous reviewer could not roll her eyes enough as the 90-Day Rule girl, portrayed by Meagan Good actually got the reaction she wanted from her love interest, played by Romany Malco and all she had to do was withold sex.

Although many self appointed critics around the web berate Harvey for his less than ideal romantic history, his failures have proved his success and he may be right about his central ideas concerning relations with men. All of the women who played the game his way got exactly what they wanted in the end.

If you want a man to commit, make him chase you, demand his best behavior and be willing to leave him if he is not being the best man he can be. In other words, you need to train him. Apparently, they like that.

Will I ever watch it again? Probably not. Was it worth the admission and price of nachos? Oh yes. A delightful hour and a half is promised to you if you take the time to see this film.

My only question is, why the hell is a commitment from a man such a highly regarded prize? They're chasing the 'cookie' while we're still chasing the fantasy.
~Te-Erika

Monday, April 23, 2012

5 Mistakes That (Eventually) Made Me Happy

The process of achieving your goals is a journey wrought with mistakes. In the midst of making what seems to be the wrong choices, you may feel as though you'll never get it right. The truth is, getting it wrong plays a necessary part in getting it right. Think of it as a weeding out process, you're constantly figuring out what NOT to do so that you will be redirected toward your true passion.

Here are 5 'Mistakes' I made that I am now grateful for.

1. Allowing my sons to go live with their father.

Back in 2006, I left my cushy job as a secretary at a private school to work at a PR Firm because I desperately wanted to be a writer. After only two months, the President of the company let me go saying, "I think I'm holding you back." Although I didn't know it, her decision would lead me to be unemployed for 3 months with my 2 small children.

I was receiving no child support from my children's father, an attorney, who somehow managed to wrangle the system to the point where he was not obligated to pay me anything. Years of trying to get him into the child support system had failed me with his constant motions in court and a relocation on my part and I could not find an attorney who would help me to fight him and his legal experience.

I managed to take care of our household for 3 months without a job before a friend invited me to move to Atlanta with my sons and try to find a job. Before I left, I took my sons by their father's house to say goodbye and he handed me a letter asking me if he could keep the boys while I looked for work in Atlanta. I agreed, reluctantly. I made him sign a letter stating that he would return my sons to me when I asked for them. He signed it. I gave my boys kisses and hugs and told them I'd be back for them. They have lived with him ever since.

Not only did he ignore my request to bring my sons to me after I found a job within 2 days of moving to Atlanta, he actually sent me legal paperwork claiming he was filing for custody. My lack of knowledge about the situation led me to wait and trust that the system would help me get my kids back. He lied. He never filed any paperwork. I waited and waited but he was using his legal expertise against me and it seems as though I lost out.

The only thing about our arrangement that is disconcerting is the fact that although I could never get a proper modification for child support from him, he was only paying less than $190 a month for one child until he says they told him he didn't need to pay anymore, he put me on child support, asked for back pay and was awarded more than $10,000. I had to get a job so that I could pay him and guess what I became? I became a waitress! Being a waitress had brought me more life satisfaction than any other job I have had so far. He tried to hurt me but it led to my complete joy.

Although this seems to be a horror story and I may seem like a fearful, dumb woman, for allowing him to keep my children, there is a flip side to this and both my sons and I have benefited. I was able to gain the necessary experience as a journalist that I needed to streamline my career and my sons are actually prospering in their father's care.

He's a good father. He teaches them things that I would not have thought of, like self reliance. I can see how this bad situation has given them a gift that will follow them through life. Seeing my sons so disciplined and doing well makes me so happy. Regardless, I know nothing is permanent and sometime in the future, our living arrangement will change. In the meantime, I get to work on being the best me, building a lasting foundation for my career by being a support to women who feel powerless in life, the way I once did.


2. Wanting to be a dominatrix

I'm not sure if it was out of anger or intrigue that I had the desire to be a dominatrix. In my mind I felt that there would be POWER in beating a man's ass. I desired this for so long that I began to attract many submissive men, many who would purposely irritate me and hurt me so they could see me angry.

One day I was spending time with a man who spent the entire time annoying me. After he dropped me home he asked if I would spank him. Annoyed and frustrated by the lack of 'Real Men' on my path, I did it. I can not describe what it is like to actually spank a grown ass man but I will say that it disgusted me and I never want to do it again.

It changed the way I look at men and myself. I am not a violent person, but this interaction brought everything into focus. That is when I realized that the submissive men that I attract all want to be hurt and belittled. I thought it was just me- complaining and upset that no one was ever good enough. I was wrong. They tried not to be good enough so that I would fight them and try to FORCE them to be better men.

I'm not into that. Since then I don't date any men at all, I just focus on treating myself well and helping women. I am grateful that my fantasy came true because I now realize that being a dominatrix is not ME at all and I can stop blaming myself for sado masochistic men who provoke me to arouse abuse. I can treat myself better than any man can.



3. Hosting an Entertainment Show

While hosting my own radio talk show on my college's radio station, I was introduced to a man who owned an Internet Television station and studio that broadcast live from South Beach. I created a treatment for a new talk show and pitched it to him. He liked it and a couple of weeks later, I had my first guests as I awarded local figures from the entertainment industry for their hard work in going after their dreams.

I produced, hosted and promoted this show for 15 episodes before the studio had to be remodeled and my show was put on hiatus for 2 months. When that 2 month hiatus was introduced, I happily thanked everyone who had a part in my show and decided that I wouldn't do it anymore. This made a lot of people angry. First off, I was a really good host and producer, secondly, people were looking forward to having me as a part of the Entertainment scene in Miami but the truth is, while doing the show I figured out that I didn't like Entertainment.

I don't like the questions you ask musicians. I don't like staying out at clubs all hours of the night. I don't like having artists come up to me to ask me to listen to their music. I don't like socializing. I don't like any of it. I am not grateful that I made the mistake of hosting an entertainment show because although many in the entertainment field here who may remember me, consider me a flake for not continuing it, I know that I will use my hosting skills in another area.


4. Going to graduate school

I decided to go to graduate school on a whim. It was a decision that I made because I had nothing better to do at the time so I applied. I had no idea that they would accept me and two weeks later, I would be back on a college campus studying Marriage/Family/Couples Counseling.

Surprise, surprise, I was really, really good at it. I dove into my studies, finding interesting ways to mix my bachelors degree in journalism with the information I was learning as a counseling student and I found the two really complemented each other. I wrote a full length book, I hosted a radio talk show and I started producing Youtube videos teaching the lessons I was learning in school in a way that made them practical and easy to implement in everyday life.

The only thing is, well, by the time I reached the end of my graduate education I was really dreading the final internship because- I didn't really want a job in the field and I hate working in offices. Everyone was so disappointed in me when I told them I dropped out of grad school just as I was almost done. I had to. I just wanted the information, I didn't want the job or the confinement of working in an office setting.

Although it was difficult to walk away from a path that everyone I knew was cheering me on, I did it anyway. I followed my own passion and I quit school, began this empowerment blog and organized the most amazing investigative journalist project ever- The Rebuild Your Life Project, which taught women how to survive their biggest fear, homelessness. Because of the knowledge gained while in grad school, I was able to counsel homeless people and encourage myself as I made my way through homelessness and back.

Link
5. Trying to be a superhero

I once had a friend who relied on me to help her make every decision. I did this for many, many years even after it began to feel like an obligation. In my mind, I was being a good friend, but secretly I felt burdened by holding her hand through everything. It got to the point where I placed her happiness over my own and it wasn't because I loved her so much, it was because I felt that she wouldn't be able to function without me.

I didn't realize this until AFTER I stopped speaking to her but the feeling of relief that came into my life was amazing. Then I realized that she didn't really need me; she was capable of standing on her own. I started making myself a priority. I was there for ME first. The funny thing is, as I make myself available to women across the world who call me and write to me for help with overcoming obstacles, I find myself repeating the encouraging words and direction I used to give my friend.

After years and years of coddling her and holding her hand, my interaction with her was actually the PRACTICE I needed to be able to coach women through the same insane issues she had gone through. With each phone call I get, I know exactly what to say because I had to coach my friend through it at least 2 or 3 times already.


So, if you're ever in the midst of what you feel is a bad decision, you have to decide what you can take away from it. There is something awesome to be gained from every circumstance even if you don't see it at first. You know how I know? I was bamboozled, fell victim, entered in jobs that abused me, friendships that I felt held me hostage and made decisions that I later regretted but each and every one of those scenarios has led me to who I am right now, actively engaged in my life work and really loving every minute of it.

I am forever grateful.

The Minimalist Lifestyle: Laura's Tiny House

Laura LaVoie is undertaking a few huge transitions in life. She’s embarking on a new career as a freelance writer, she’s moving from Atlanta to Asheville, North Carolina and she is downsizing her life from a 2400 square foot home to a 120 square foot custom built tiny house that she will share with her partner, Matt.

Why would any woman do that? Who would voluntarily give away all of her ‘stuff’ to live in a tiny hideout in the woods that is barely big enough to host a dinner for four?

Laura is well aware of how ridiculous that sounds in a society that celebrates wanton consumerism. She is well aware yet, she doesn’t care because for her, a minimized lifestyle maximizes her freedom.

“Two years ago we sold a 2400 square foot house in the suburbs and moved into a 900 square foot high rise apartment on the north end of Atlanta. We really liked our big home and enjoyed using it while we had it - we'd throw parties and have friends over all the time,” Laura remembers. “But it was a lot of work maintaining that house - we always had to worry about the weather and the roof and the basement. When we sold it, we felt liberated."

This newfound liberation led to scouting the mountains of North Carolina to find a suitable place to build her own home. “We have spent the last three years building a 120 Square Foot house with our own hands. This has been an incredibly rewarding experience. The house has everything that two people need: a kitchen, a bathroom, a sleeping loft, a sofa and a dining table. On top of that, the house is situated in the middle of 15 acres on a mountain. It is so beautiful there that you can't help but be less stressed with life in general.” Laura says.

Blogging about the experience of building a Tiny House has allowed Laura to connect with other women and men who appreciate the minimalist lifestyle.

“I was originally just writing updates on my LiveJournal for myself and I had no idea anyone was reading it,” says Laura.” Eventually, people started to contact me about our build. A tiny house blogger in Charlotte was the first to feature our house on his website and I realized that maybe more people would be interested. I had no idea how big the tiny house movement was going to get.”

The Tiny House Movement is indeed awakening the minds of Americans across the country. As more people opt for personal and spiritual gains over material treasures, these miniature custom built homes are being constructed as permanent residences and vacation get-aways.

For more information about the Tiny House Movement please visit these outstanding websites.

Tiny House Design

Tiny House Blog

Tiny House Listings

Tiny House Forum

Blake's Tiny House

The Tiny Life


Sunday, April 22, 2012

WEBINAR- 7 Symptoms of a Poverty Mentality


This WEDNESDAY, April 25, 2012 from 7-9pm Eastern, the Publisher of MySavvySisters.Com will offer a FREE WEBINAR called The 7 Symptoms of a Poverty Mentality.

During this LIVE video chat on BlogTV.com, you can sign up for a FREE account and chat LIVE with Te-Erika to ask questions and offer feedback to the lesson.

Topics We Will Cover:

1. What are the top 7 Symptoms of a Poverty Mentality?
2. How do these symptoms affect our ability to enjoy life and prosper?
3. What changes must we make to achieve a better quality of life?

To receive an email reminder before the start of the event, subscribe to the MySavvySisters.Com listserve by sending an email to MySavvySisters@aweber.com.

Looking forward to empowering you!

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