President Obama Publicly Supports Gay Marriage

In an epic moment this Wednesday, May 9th, President Barack Obama publicly voiced his support of equal marriages for gay couples. This is the end of an era, bringing the commonality of the gay lifestyle into public view, as accepted and reinforced by the President of the United States.

Although this statement was directed toward support of equal legal rights for homosexual couples, the President's support will have lasting effects that supersede legal benefits that the President believes should be granted to ALL couples who seek legal acknowledgement from the United States. This bold move by the President is ushering in the era where there is no more shame in homosexuality.

Children will no longer grow up in confusion and self hatred because they understand that their natural sexual preference is not wrong. Abuse rates among homosexual couples will decrease because the stress of keeping their love a secret will be non existent.

Best of all, the divorce industry will be BOOMING and the courtroom drama Divorce Court will become one of the most interesting shows on television.

Thank you, President Obama for ushering this society into a new state of mind with one statement. ~Te-Erika Patterson

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"I Don't Get Jealous" Plus 9 Other Facts You Didn't Know About Penelope Trunk

If you haven't had the chance to be introduced to Penelope Trunk, allow me to be the first to blow your mind. Not only is she one of the top bloggers EVER, holding a firm position among the big boys in the male dominated blogosphere as the number one career blogger, she is also an opinion leader teaching the world what the new voice of Generation 'Z' sounds like and um, it actually sounds a bit gravelly.

I was taken aback by the coarseness of Penelope's voice when I spoke with her during this interview; part Wicked Witch of the West, part Grandma warning you to shut the screen door before flies get in. This completely goes against the chirping birds and lullabies I hear when I see her picture and read her beautifully written stories, but then again, every woman I have met who has ever held the title of CEO has the same 'time is money' tone when offering their insight.

Who is Penelope Trunk? Meet the career blogger who annoyed the hell out of women by writing articles that challenge conventional wisdom like Why Living Up To Your Potential is BS or Doing What You Love Is a Bad Idea and let's just banish her to her lovely farm forever for telling us Don't Report Sexual Harrassment At Work, shall we? I'm kidding. Although Penelope's ideas shake the average thinker from their waking slumber by adding a dose of realism, her writing voice is soft enough to lull a harsh day. Her generous advice about being a brazen careerist in this zoinked out world is delivered with a hearty pat on the rear.

Penelope is a coveted speaker who travels the country offering business leaders and hopeful entrepreneurs insight into how we will shape the future of our workforce. She offers coaching sessions for those who need a helpful push in a new direction. She is also the best selling author of The Brazen Careerist; The New Rules For Success and have I mentioned that she is married to a farmer, a man she met through her blog. ~winning~

I didn't need background info on Penelope because there is already so much out there about the self diagnosed start-up addict, so I did the next best thing. I asked her to share 10 things that no one knows about Penelope Trunk.

This is how the conversation went.

Te-Erika: Hi, this is Te-Erika from MySavvySisters. Thank you for taking the time to do this interview.
Penelope: Yes.

Te-Erika: Um. Well, let's get right to it then. I have enough background info so I thought I'd get 10 facts that no one knows about you.
Penelope: Do I have to come up with them?

Te-Erika: No. I have a list of questions.
Penelope: Oh, Ok. Go ahead.

Te-Erika: Ok, so what's the worst thing about being in love with a farmer?
Penelope: That I have to live so far away from the city.

Te-Erika: What's your favorite style of underwear?
Penelope: Clean.

Te-Erika: When no one's looking, what do you eat?
Penelope: I don't eat in front of people. So, everything.

Te-Erika: Yeah, um. If you could be any celebrity for a day, who would you be?
Penelope: This is about as celebrity as I can handle. Getting recognized once a week is already overwhelming enough.

Te-Erika: Are you going to heaven or hell?
Penelope: No. Jews don't believe in that. Jews think everyone is good.

Te-Erika: Something you're afraid of?
Penelope: Sounding stupid in a phone interview.

Te-Erika: The last excuse you gave?
Penelope: I messed up my schedule.

Te-Erika: Rock, Paper, Scissors?
Penelope: That's such a stupid question. I can't answer. What does that question have to do with who I am?

Te-Erika: How you respond when someone asks you a stupid question says a lot about who you are.
Penelope: Hm. You're right. Go on.

Te-Erika: You get jealous when...?
Penelope: I don't get jealous, I have self hatred. Self hatred is a more honest form of jealousy.

Te-Erika: In your next lifetime, you will probably come back as a...?
Penelope: What?! I'm Jewish. Jews get one chance. That's why Jews make so much money. We only get one chance, we can't do it again in the next life.

To learn more about My Savvy Sister of the Week, Penelope Trunk, please visit her blog at PenelopeTrunk.Com.

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$200 Mother's Day Give-Away

Don't you think you deserve to treat yourself to something nice?

MySavvySisters.Com thinks you do. On May 10th we are giving away a $200 VISA gift card to one lucky MOM who subscribes to MySavvySisters. If you are not subscribed yet, you may do so by sending an email to mysavvysisters@aweber.com or subscribing directly through the blo.

To Enter:

1) 'Like' Us on Facebook.
2) Upload a picture of you and your children and post it to our facebook wall with a message from your family telling us what you would do if you could treat yourself on Mother's Day.
3) Check back on May 11th to see if you have won.
4) If you are the winner, send an email to editorial@mysavvysisters.com with your mailing address and your card will be rushed to you within 5 days.

Instructions for uploading pictures to facebook.

1) Save a photo of you and your children to your computer where you can find it. If you do not know where to save it, save it to your desktop.
2) Log into your facebook account.
3) Visit our fan page at www.facebook.com/mysavvysisters
4) Click on where you would usually update your status. Next to UPDATE, there is a link that says Photo/Video.

5) Click on Photo/Video, you will then see a button that says Select an image or file on your computer.
6) Click Choose File. Browse until you find the photo you saved. Click Open.
7) Just above the photo you have now downloaded (opened) write in a message ex: I would love to visit my Mother in Canada this Mother's Day! Thanks for the love!

That's it!

CONTEST ENDS: May 10th at 7pm Eastern. All entrants must live in the U.S. All ages. All races welcomed.

Winner will be chosen at random and announced on MySavvySisters.Com on May 11th at 12 noon.

Good Luck!

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Shifting Gears From Your First Failure

It's okay.

I know how you're feeling right now. You've invested everything short of risking your life for your dream and it seems that nothing is happening. You're exhausted. You're on the verge of depression. It seems like all of your hard work has been for nothing because no one cares and no one is watching and you haven't made any money at all, at least not enough to make a difference. You feel like you've failed.

What do you do now?

You are allowed to rest. Take a break. Take a week. Replenish yourself during this time and do things you wouldn't allow yourself to do in the pursuit of turning your passion into profit.

Take a week to unwind, watch TV and cry if you want to. Turn your phone off. Let go for a minute. Don't do your hair. Don't brush your teeth. Wear the same t-shirt for 3 days in a row.

Breathe.

After that week is up, get back to your work with even more vigor. Create a new way to do the work you have been doing. Find a new way to market yourself. Create a new way to showcase your skills. Do something different, learn a new skill to add to your business acumen.

Don't let go, even if it hurts to look around you and recognize that you are in the same damn situation you were a year ago and you know you gave it your best shot. You haven't done anything WRONG; you just haven't done it LONG enough. Keep going. It's not over. Any minute now the tide could turn in your favor. Don't give up now. You've invested so much that all will really be lost if you decided to walk away.

PUSH.

PUSH AGAIN.

PUSH SOME MORE.

Some one out there needs you to do what you are doing. Someone out there has been waiting their entire life for you to complete what you have been working on. Someone will walk away from your work, smiling, happy, content- complete.

They're waiting on you.

Don't disappoint them. Don't disappoint yourself.

You can do this.

Keep going. Keep growing. Don't Stop.

Go ahead. Get that first failure out of the way.

Don't Stop.

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Editorial: Angry? Confused? You Still Need To Vote

By Christina Fermin
Politics and Society Columnist

As election season heats up and contenders begin there battle one thing is evidently clear. Politics is not what it used to be. Sure they jab and swing at one another and at times release explosive material or say inappropriate things to one another, but this year the election has become very polarized. Especially among the republican party where ideologies have shifted all the way to the right and they have done everything in their power to make sure our President does not succeed and in doing so, have hurt our chances of recovery every day that they fight the President and democrats against legislation and bills that have traditionally been met in the middle.

In the past we have seen moderate contenders on both sides of the party lines and in the past republican and democrats have always come together and worked together to solve issues and pass legislation. Since the republicans have taken hold of Congress last election and especially won among tea party lines, the tea party republicans are more vicious and less willing to work together. During a time when our politicians need to come together and work through one of the most challenging times in the history of this nation, you have grown adults acting like children. In the last 2 years the republican party has continuously made itself look bad and continues to be the party that refuses rather than the party thats willing to. While the democrats act like they have no back bone, at least they have attempted to try and work with republicans.

Now we can sit here and blast republican leadership as well as democratic leadership in the last few years, but to be honest what do you expect? This is the danger of having a two party system that runs along two ideologies that try to fit in a straight line. We all know and understand at this point nothing is ever black and white and both parties are full of shit. They have both made the same argument for the same issues for the past 40 years and the only thing that has changed is the fact that both parties are going to the extreme end of their spectrums with the republicans a little closer to the right than the democrats are to the left.

Every time you have third contender in the mix, they are constantly overshadowed, put down and made fun of by the mainstream media. Third party candidates, no matter how badly we need them, are shunned from politics. The two party system has eroded away at our civil liberties, the balance of power and made way for corruption in our politics that is quit frankly embarrassing. The money alone in political campaign spending is mind boggling and in the millions and billions. Money that can be used for the economy, closing of loopholes, feeding our 1 in 4 starving children and I can sit here and go on. What’s worse is that instead of shunning away and punishing these politicians, we feed into their lies and we join in on their bantering no matter how shallow or uncivil it may be. While television is the main reason for this, it shows the failure in our education system that many people cannot think critically or analyze a situation to come up with their own conclusions.

While there may be many reasons why not vote this year, there are many reasons on why you should vote this year and why voting now is more important than ever. We the people outnumber the ideological fanatics that vote by a high margin. Let’s take that high margin to the ballot box and show American politics that we the people who are mostly in the middle do care and does vote. This time when you vote, do not rely on your television to choose your vote. Take some time and learn about the issues, learn about the candidates and then pick your choice. Do not allow the television to dictate your vote, we have seen in the past what happens when the television chooses our vote, don't forget about the results of the 2000 and 2004 elections.

Not registered to vote or unsure? Check out these websites to help you register: Rock the Vote or USA.gov.

About the Columnist


With a bachelors degree in political science from Florida Atlantic University, Christina Fermin has always cultivated her love for history, politics, sociology, ancient knowledge and teachings, the outdoors, the ocean and the environment. Christina strives to make our world better by helping us all create a new reality and understanding of all taking place here and now. You can reach her at Christina@MySavvySisters.Com

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9 Signs You Might Be A Lesbian

I wasn't always aware of the fact that I liked women in a romantic way. I remember playing 'house' with girls when I was younger and also being fascinated by them physically when I was a teen but I "knew" it was wrong to like girls so I squashed the thought in my mind.

Girls and women would usually approach me for dates and show interest once I went to college but I was adamant that I wasn't "that way". I felt like they were trying to convince me to give it a try and I don't like being coerced into anything. I questioned myself a lot over the years and wondered why so many women felt attracted to me. I knew I wasn't into women because I had never been in love with a woman before, but I had many special friends that I treated like they were my girlfriends, without the sexual part. I called it being a good friend.

It wasn't until I was 30 years old that I bumped into a woman that made my heart melt. I wanted her and didn't know what to do with that feeling. Nothing happened although I tried to get to know her to figure out what it was about her that made me desire her and what exactly was I desiring. It was a confusing time period for me and I faced my fear of being attracted to women by dating them and joining online forums for women who like women. Through that period I learned that there are lots of women who are attracted to women and I also met a girl that I liked who liked me back, over the internet. This was a cute first relationship for me and it really showed me that I could love a woman romantically.

The following list is a personal list of all the clues I believe should have shown me that I do in fact, have an undeniable attraction for SOME women.

You Might Be a Lesbian If...

1) You've dated many men but none of them can keep your attention, with the exception of your celebrity crushes.

2) You have a close friend and you want to be her everything by taking care of her every need and making sure she’s happy and smiling everyday.

3) When you have dated men in the past, they were all very feminine or later confessed to being gay.

4) When you imagine a future in a relationship with a man it makes you feel sad.

5) When you meet certain women, your body tenses up and you feel magnetically drawn to them and want to know them.

6) You’ve had to tell yourself, “Being attracted to women is wrong.”

7) Dry humping your partner fully clothed feels better than penetration.

8) You had a promiscuous sexual history with men because you viewed sex with men as an activity instead of an expression of love.

9) You’ve asked yourself, “Am I gay?” many, many times.

If you recognize yourself in these signs, it’s okay. Whether you are a lesbian, bi sexual or even if you realize that you aren't really attracted to women after all, it’s okay to be who you are and be attracted to who you want to be attracted to. There are no written instructions for love. There is no one judging you but you. You can decide today that you are going to go with your instinct and love who you are naturally drawn to.

Attraction is not a choice. You can’t turn it off. You can ignore it and behave how society tells you to behave but will “society” wait with you at the doctor’s office when you are feeling sick?

Your real love is waiting behind the complete acceptance of yourself and your preferences. It’s okay. You can be you now.

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How To Interpret Your Dreams

Did you wake up from a weird dream confused by the images that you saw? Did you visit various websites to check the symbols and their definitions in order to make sense of what happened during your dream life?

The truth is, no one can interpret your dreams better than you can. Your dream world is highly personal and each scenario that you encounter has a meaning that only you can decipher. If you really want to know what your dream means try answering these questions?

1. What is happening in your waking life that you wish would be different?
Your dreams may be an indication of your secret wishes for yourself.

2. How does the dream make you feel when you wake up?
Sometimes the symbols in your dreams have nothing to do with what the dream is trying to teach you. Often, the emotional state you are in when you awake from a dream is the dominant message you can take away from the dream. If you are confused when you wake up, you may be feeling the same way about an issue in your life and it needs to be confronted.

3. What are your best wishes for your life?
Since you are the author of your life, which means you have the power to give definitions to the situations and people you encounter, you can decide for yourself what your dreams mean. If you see a beautiful shoe in your dream, you can decide for yourself what that symbol means. You can say, "I saw a shoe in my dream and that means that it is time for me to move on in life" or "I saw a shoe in my dream so that means that I have a beautiful surprise coming my way." Even a horrible dream can be interpreted to mean that you have faced your worst nightmare in your dreams and you won't have to experience it in your waking life.


You have the ultimate power over the meaning of your dreams. Choose good definitions. Your dreams only have the definitions that you give them.

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I Wished I Was A Boy & My Wish Came True: Embracing My Transgender Identity

Sometimes I wish I was a boy.

For me, it’s about not being dismissed by men for being too aggressive and sometimes it's a more subtle yearning to care for a woman the way I always wished I had been cared for. For some women, this fantasy is more than just a fleeting thought. There are some who feel trapped behind the breasts and vagina that seem to define their place in this world. Some, like the unique spirit whose story is shared below, come to the point where they make a decision not to live out the gender role that was assigned to them. There is a label for that; it is called transgendered. There’s another label I’d like to add: Truly Authentic

For Xavier, a popular YouTuber, who shares videos about his transition as a transman, a person who self identifies as a male despite being born with female sexual organs, life could not be more clear or more beautiful than it is right now. Revealing feelings of confusion and frustration over being encouraged to wear dresses, a struggle over his sexual identity as well as his effort to actually take the necessary steps to live life as a man, Xavier, a 22-year-old from Clinton, Maryland openly shares his life and his newfound love for himself with MySavvySisters.

Xavier's Story

I became aware of the disconnection I felt from being called a girl while identifying as a boy around the age of seven. I felt like any other boy. I simply was one and I had no doubt about it. At least not until people insisted on calling me a girl and telling me to conform to the norms of my assigned gender. That was when I began to question why that was. The moment of truth came when I was about 9 years old and bathing with my little cousin who is three years younger. We were bathed together quite often, but on that particular day I had actually taken a look at him and noticed the differences in our anatomy. I had decided that my anatomy was the reason for the way people treated me. There could not have been any other reason in my mind. Turns out I was right. It upset me to say the least.

Earlier on in my life I didn't have many friends. People in elementary school shunned me for the most part. They constantly called to attention the fact that I looked like a boy, played like a boy and did other things that are typically associated with boys. But not many boys wanted to play with me, often telling me to go where I belonged, with the girls. When with the girls, they demanded that I play with the boys. I literally had nowhere to go in the classroom or on the playground. So I got use to being alone and not speaking to others. My silence and lack of friendship was so bad that teachers were constantly questioning me about my well-being. But my silence was also my way of protecting my emotions, by hiding. I hated being seen as a girl or being addressed as my birth name. The less I was reminded that I was her, the better I felt in spite of my loneliness.

I didn't make any real friends until middle school, when I met Tanisha and Tatiana. They were the only people I hung out with and actually spoke to. Tanisha also defended me a lot when others teased me or suggested that I was a lesbian. At the time, I did not identify as a lesbian although I was aware of my attraction to females. It was not until high school did I take on that label. When I came out, Tanisha continued to be my friend and treated me no differently. She has no clue how great an impact her friendship made in my life.

I had a lot of thoughts. Some about the treatment of females in comparison to males, some about why I was even considered a female, and finally, what did that mean for me? How I dealt with these thoughts and feelings was by praying to god. I prayed every night for the safety of my family, and then finally I would ask to wake up a boy. I asked to be given a chance at correcting this "mistake." I also began to ask my parents to allow me to dress how I wanted, to which they complied. Despite their open-mindedness, I still felt that I had no one to talk to about it. Judging by how people treated me for just being a tomboy, I felt that insisting I was actually a boy would only make matters worse. I wasn't even sure of how to articulate it until the age of 15, when I found the term "transgender." I tried talking to my girlfriend at the time and she literally laughed in my face. I was hurt and immediately became discouraged, so I swept it to the back of my mind and stayed silent until I was 18.

A trans man is someone of transitional history who was assigned female at birth but now identifies as male. My final decision came when I was 18 years old. In the months leading to that point, I had been becoming increasingly unsure of who I was and where my life was headed. I no longer felt like the labels I identified myself as were fitting, and the life I had created did not feel like my own. I was becoming more masculine in my mannerisms and the women I dated could not relate. The feeling that I was not a butch lesbian became extremely difficult to ignore. I also became increasingly depressed and unable to foresee a future for myself. When I tried to imagine myself as an older woman, I could literally only see darkness. But I envisioned myself as a father, as a husband and doing even the most mundane things as a man, and suddenly my whole world lit up. It made much more sense and didn't give me the uncomfortable feeling being a woman did. So I began to explore that realm by binding my chest, wearing soft packers in my pants and informing everyone I was going by the name Xavier. Each step I took towards embracing my masculinity made me feel the happiest I ever had in my entire life. So I researched the effects of testosterone and the process to acquire it, and soon came the coming out.

When I told my family, it didn't seem as though anyone was really surprised. That was also the same response I received when I came out as a lesbian. When I came out to them as a lesbian, I literally wrote them both notes saying "I'm a dyke." and that was it. There was no fuss, no opposition or anything of the sort. My parents simply stressed that I be careful with PDA. But when I came out as trans my parents apologized for how they raised me and my mother expressed that she wishes she had known. She says had she known, she wouldn't have given me such a feminine name or raised me in the manner she did. I came out to my parents by writing them both long and detailed letters. I first began by sharing my experiences as a child, when and how I knew, and explaining why I behaved the way I did at times. Like screaming and fussing whenever my mother tried to gussy up my appearance with dresses and lipstick for photo shoots.

It was different coming out as a trans because I felt I needed to go in depth about it. There was a lot to explain, but I figured my parents number one concern would be my safety. I wanted to let them know that I was thinking clearly about my decision. Being that transitioning means they have to transition with me as well, I explained my pursuit of hormones and how it would affect me, what it meant and that I was going about it safely. I wanted them to know what to expect so that nothing came as a surprise. I also informed them that I had decided on the name Xavier. My mother actually chose my middle name, Alexander.

I started making videos on my YouTube channel in 2008. I began making videos because I noticed there was a very large absence of visibility amongst young men of color. When I searched for stories, nearly 99% of what I found were of white men who were also typically much older in age. This said to me, as a teenager, that I would not be able to afford the transition, and this also left a great absence of insight of transitioning as a person of color. I wanted to know about the black male experience, yet all I found were highly privileged men who had fewer obstacles socially and financially. It was discouraging, and knowing the trouble this had given me, I did not want that for others.

Yes, I am completely sure that I will have surgery. It’s just a matter of when. I know for certain that I want a double mastectomy, but I am not entirely sure when it comes to 'bottom' surgery. I imagine I eventually will have that as well though, just much later on in life.

I think when considering transitioning, its best to ask these three questions;

1. What is the root of my desire to transition?
2. Am I doing this out of pressure to conform?
3. Is this something I can live with for the rest of my life?

I think these three questions are very important things to ask, no matter what the answer may ultimately be. It is much safer to explore and ask the questions you probably do not want to, and to do so without judgment from yourself or those internalized voices of society in your head. You just have to listen to and accept yourself for who you are, because no matter how much you try and repress your truth, it will always be.

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Te-Erika's Blog: My First Webinar

Ever since last October I had this idea to start doing webinars to teach wisdom and life lessons live to women. This excites me because I love attending webinars and I always imagine what I would say if I were a presenter and what I would do if it were MY webinar.

haha! I just laughed because that sounds kinda geeky doesn't it? Oh well, I'm a geek- so be it.

Anyway, back in October I had the idea to do webinars so I began to research, attend other webinars to pick up pointers and plan my curriculum. The only problem was which platform to use as well as my own confidence about whether anyone would attend my webinars because I am virtually an unknown.

It wasn't until a couple of weeks ago that I saw a platform called BlogTV that allows Youtubers to broadcast live and chat with their viewers that I realized that I could use this platform to teach my webinars. So I chose a topic, announced it on my blog and through social media and spent 4 hours creating the presentation in powerpoint.

When the day of the webinar came I was so excited and nervous but it wasn't like I was new at this just excited to be starting on another phase in my career; teaching.

After the webinar I sat back and laughed at myself. Everything went wrong. My internet connection went out. My audio was bad. No one came to listen. It was horrible. But you know what? Even though no one was there I taught the lesson anyway and finished it in 45 minutes.

Nothing goes perfectly the first time, you're going to make mistakes and that is how you become a genius, by learning from each mistake as you try and try again. If you know you're going to fail the first time, because we often do, you may as well get  that first failure out of the way.

Here's the graphic I made that lists the key points of the webinar where I tried to teach the symptoms of a poverty mentality so that women would recognize how their mental habits affected their financial state.

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Dreams Come True: I Want To Be Barbie

A 21-year-old model from the Ukraine has finally accomplished her childhood dream; she wanted to be a real life Barbie doll. Valeria Lukyanova's photos are being shared across the internet along with the typical pejorative statements from people saying it's a shame that she did this to herself. With the use of surgery, Valeria has become the epitome of the beauty of Barbie, the long standing standard of beauty for women.

I have no problem with what she's done. She had a dream and she made it come true. Cheers to her for being bold enough to take action and realize her dream.

Pics below.

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REVIEW: Think Like A Man (2012)

I wasn't surprised that Think Like A Man, the new romantic comedy based on Steve Harvey's relationship advice book hit theatres last week and shined like a watch tower at sea. With a cast of actors that were some all time favorites and a few fresh faces, this movie made me walk out smiling, feeling the same way I did the first time I saw The Best Man and Two Can Play That Game. In essence, it was definitely time for another film like this.

Michael Ealy, Gabrielle Union, Taraji Henson, Meagan Good, Jeremy Ferrara, Romany Malco and Kevin Hart lead the cast in stellar performances as a group of lovers and friends whose relationship goals are as different as they come. Harvey's book, Think Like A Man, Act Like A Lady,  is the catalyst for the cast as the women follow Harvey's advice in order to get the results they desire from men, most notably, commitment.

While I am not an advocate of teaching women that they have to WORK to receive the ever elusive wedding ring, I understand that most people think in these terms which is why Harvey's book and this movie were a hit.

With cameos by the delicious Chris Brown and the awesome Wendy Williams, the cast was robust with Black star power that reminded me of a modern day Grease. I actually started singing Summer Nights as two of the characters, recounted their meeting to their friends.

Kevin Hart's signature brand of comedy relayed well into his acting style and many in the theatre felt that he stole the show. I'll admit watching him perform initiated a bit of deja vu as I happened upon one of his other films, 35 and Ticking, a few weeks ago on Netflix. Hart literally plays the exact same character he did in 35 and Ticking; Thankfully he was enjoyable in both.

Although the movie trailors and previews seemed to pit one sex against the other, from my vantage point, the movie depicted the reality of relationships in real life, the women lead and the men follow, all in pursuit of the 'cookie'.

Real life lessons that speak to deciding if what we think we want is actually what we need, were taught with precision by Taraji Henson's character, a beautiful COO who meets an unemployed prep cook played by Michael Ealy. Yet, this promiscuous reviewer could not roll her eyes enough as the 90-Day Rule girl, portrayed by Meagan Good actually got the reaction she wanted from her love interest, played by Romany Malco and all she had to do was withold sex.

Although many self appointed critics around the web berate Harvey for his less than ideal romantic history, his failures have proved his success and he may be right about his central ideas concerning relations with men. All of the women who played the game his way got exactly what they wanted in the end.

If you want a man to commit, make him chase you, demand his best behavior and be willing to leave him if he is not being the best man he can be. In other words, you need to train him. Apparently, they like that.

Will I ever watch it again? Probably not. Was it worth the admission and price of nachos? Oh yes. A delightful hour and a half is promised to you if you take the time to see this film.

My only question is, why the hell is a commitment from a man such a highly regarded prize? They're chasing the 'cookie' while we're still chasing the fantasy.
~Te-Erika

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5 Mistakes That (Eventually) Made Me Happy

The process of achieving your goals is a journey wrought with mistakes. In the midst of making what seems to be the wrong choices, you may feel as though you'll never get it right. The truth is, getting it wrong plays a necessary part in getting it right. Think of it as a weeding out process, you're constantly figuring out what NOT to do so that you will be redirected toward your true passion.

Here are 5 'Mistakes' I made that I am now grateful for.

1. Allowing my sons to go live with their father.

Back in 2006, I left my cushy job as a secretary at a private school to work at a PR Firm because I desperately wanted to be a writer. After only two months, the President of the company let me go saying, "I think I'm holding you back." Although I didn't know it, her decision would lead me to be unemployed for 3 months with my 2 small children.

I was receiving no child support from my children's father, an attorney, who somehow managed to wrangle the system to the point where he was not obligated to pay me anything. Years of trying to get him into the child support system had failed me with his constant motions in court and a relocation on my part and I could not find an attorney who would help me to fight him and his legal experience.

I managed to take care of our household for 3 months without a job before a friend invited me to move to Atlanta with my sons and try to find a job. Before I left, I took my sons by their father's house to say goodbye and he handed me a letter asking me if he could keep the boys while I looked for work in Atlanta. I agreed, reluctantly. I made him sign a letter stating that he would return my sons to me when I asked for them. He signed it. I gave my boys kisses and hugs and told them I'd be back for them. They have lived with him ever since.

Not only did he ignore my request to bring my sons to me after I found a job within 2 days of moving to Atlanta, he actually sent me legal paperwork claiming he was filing for custody. My lack of knowledge about the situation led me to wait and trust that the system would help me get my kids back. He lied. He never filed any paperwork. I waited and waited but he was using his legal expertise against me and it seems as though I lost out.

The only thing about our arrangement that is disconcerting is the fact that although I could never get a proper modification for child support from him, he was only paying less than $190 a month for one child until he says they told him he didn't need to pay anymore, he put me on child support, asked for back pay and was awarded more than $10,000. I had to get a job so that I could pay him and guess what I became? I became a waitress! Being a waitress had brought me more life satisfaction than any other job I have had so far. He tried to hurt me but it led to my complete joy.

Although this seems to be a horror story and I may seem like a fearful, dumb woman, for allowing him to keep my children, there is a flip side to this and both my sons and I have benefited. I was able to gain the necessary experience as a journalist that I needed to streamline my career and my sons are actually prospering in their father's care.

He's a good father. He teaches them things that I would not have thought of, like self reliance. I can see how this bad situation has given them a gift that will follow them through life. Seeing my sons so disciplined and doing well makes me so happy. Regardless, I know nothing is permanent and sometime in the future, our living arrangement will change. In the meantime, I get to work on being the best me, building a lasting foundation for my career by being a support to women who feel powerless in life, the way I once did.


2. Wanting to be a dominatrix

I'm not sure if it was out of anger or intrigue that I had the desire to be a dominatrix. In my mind I felt that there would be POWER in beating a man's ass. I desired this for so long that I began to attract many submissive men, many who would purposely irritate me and hurt me so they could see me angry.

One day I was spending time with a man who spent the entire time annoying me. After he dropped me home he asked if I would spank him. Annoyed and frustrated by the lack of 'Real Men' on my path, I did it. I can not describe what it is like to actually spank a grown ass man but I will say that it disgusted me and I never want to do it again.

It changed the way I look at men and myself. I am not a violent person, but this interaction brought everything into focus. That is when I realized that the submissive men that I attract all want to be hurt and belittled. I thought it was just me- complaining and upset that no one was ever good enough. I was wrong. They tried not to be good enough so that I would fight them and try to FORCE them to be better men.

I'm not into that. Since then I don't date any men at all, I just focus on treating myself well and helping women. I am grateful that my fantasy came true because I now realize that being a dominatrix is not ME at all and I can stop blaming myself for sado masochistic men who provoke me to arouse abuse. I can treat myself better than any man can.



3. Hosting an Entertainment Show

While hosting my own radio talk show on my college's radio station, I was introduced to a man who owned an Internet Television station and studio that broadcast live from South Beach. I created a treatment for a new talk show and pitched it to him. He liked it and a couple of weeks later, I had my first guests as I awarded local figures from the entertainment industry for their hard work in going after their dreams.

I produced, hosted and promoted this show for 15 episodes before the studio had to be remodeled and my show was put on hiatus for 2 months. When that 2 month hiatus was introduced, I happily thanked everyone who had a part in my show and decided that I wouldn't do it anymore. This made a lot of people angry. First off, I was a really good host and producer, secondly, people were looking forward to having me as a part of the Entertainment scene in Miami but the truth is, while doing the show I figured out that I didn't like Entertainment.

I don't like the questions you ask musicians. I don't like staying out at clubs all hours of the night. I don't like having artists come up to me to ask me to listen to their music. I don't like socializing. I don't like any of it. I am not grateful that I made the mistake of hosting an entertainment show because although many in the entertainment field here who may remember me, consider me a flake for not continuing it, I know that I will use my hosting skills in another area.


4. Going to graduate school

I decided to go to graduate school on a whim. It was a decision that I made because I had nothing better to do at the time so I applied. I had no idea that they would accept me and two weeks later, I would be back on a college campus studying Marriage/Family/Couples Counseling.

Surprise, surprise, I was really, really good at it. I dove into my studies, finding interesting ways to mix my bachelors degree in journalism with the information I was learning as a counseling student and I found the two really complemented each other. I wrote a full length book, I hosted a radio talk show and I started producing Youtube videos teaching the lessons I was learning in school in a way that made them practical and easy to implement in everyday life.

The only thing is, well, by the time I reached the end of my graduate education I was really dreading the final internship because- I didn't really want a job in the field and I hate working in offices. Everyone was so disappointed in me when I told them I dropped out of grad school just as I was almost done. I had to. I just wanted the information, I didn't want the job or the confinement of working in an office setting.

Although it was difficult to walk away from a path that everyone I knew was cheering me on, I did it anyway. I followed my own passion and I quit school, began this empowerment blog and organized the most amazing investigative journalist project ever- The Rebuild Your Life Project, which taught women how to survive their biggest fear, homelessness. Because of the knowledge gained while in grad school, I was able to counsel homeless people and encourage myself as I made my way through homelessness and back.


5. Trying to be a superhero

I once had a friend who relied on me to help her make every decision. I did this for many, many years even after it began to feel like an obligation. In my mind, I was being a good friend, but secretly I felt burdened by holding her hand through everything. It got to the point where I placed her happiness over my own and it wasn't because I loved her so much, it was because I felt that she wouldn't be able to function without me.

I didn't realize this until AFTER I stopped speaking to her but the feeling of relief that came into my life was amazing. Then I realized that she didn't really need me; she was capable of standing on her own. I started making myself a priority. I was there for ME first. The funny thing is, as I make myself available to women across the world who call me and write to me for help with overcoming obstacles, I find myself repeating the encouraging words and direction I used to give my friend.

After years and years of coddling her and holding her hand, my interaction with her was actually the PRACTICE I needed to be able to coach women through the same insane issues she had gone through. With each phone call I get, I know exactly what to say because I had to coach my friend through it at least 2 or 3 times already.


So, if you're ever in the midst of what you feel is a bad decision, you have to decide what you can take away from it. There is something awesome to be gained from every circumstance even if you don't see it at first. You know how I know? I was bamboozled, fell victim, entered in jobs that abused me, friendships that I felt held me hostage and made decisions that I later regretted but each and every one of those scenarios has led me to who I am right now, actively engaged in my life work and really loving every minute of it.

I am forever grateful.

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