Why Verbal Abuse Is Your Fault

There's someone in your life who is tearing you down. They're saying all the things you wouldn't even THINK about saying to someone else. You're hurt and afraid and you feel trapped by their opinions. You would do anything for them to change their mind about you. In fact, you've tried everything. You've pleaded with them. You've tried to improve. You've gone out of your way to be the best person you could be but there's nothing you can do to get them to stop berating you. You're extremely depressed and lonely and you feel like life is just not worth living anymore.

Before you decide that your life is worthless, I have to tell you the one thing that will set you free- the verbal abuse you are experiencing is all your fault.

It is. You have decided that there is someone else whose opinion of you matters more than your own. You have the authority to decide which opinion matters most and you gave it away to someone else who is using that power to destroy you.

Why are they trying to destroy you? It's simple, you are allowing them to. You like being miserable and feeling dominated in a negative way or else you would not be in that situation. Of course it is easier to label the abuser as the monster and paint yourself as a victim because this society perpetuates victimhood. It is not okay to be a victim. It is not okay to point at anyone else and blame them for your situation. You are not a victim. You are playing a willing part in this scenario. You have to accept that.

There can be no dominance without willful mental submission. Before you become upset with me, allow me to explain how you can stop this madness.

• You have to decide that YOUR opinion matters most.
• You have to remove yourself from that situation at all costs.
• You have to understand that their WORDS only have the power that you give them.
• YOU are the authority of your life.
• YOU define who you are.
• You do NOT need anyone's acceptance or approval.
• You have to make a DECISION to believe other people who actually love you and show it by being kind to you.
• You have to believe you deserve better.

If you choose not to do the things I am suggesting then you WANT the verbal abuse, you LIKE the verbal abuse and you can no longer complain about the verbal abuse.

It's a decision to re condition yourself. You are NONE of the labels the person has slapped on you. You can label yourself. You don't need anyone's permission to do so.

You can do this. You don't have to believe their harsh words and descriptions. That person is not God but you are making them the God of your life by allowing them to define you.

You can move away from this. You can choose NOT to believe them. They are just saying WORDS and you don't have to be swayed by them.

You define who you are. You don't have to accept their definition.

You are not a loser.
You are not a worthless bitch.
You are not a cunt.
You are not a stupid slut.

You are who YOU say you are and if anyone calls you anything other than the definitions you define YOURSELF by, you can easily dismiss them. If someone says that you are PURPLE, would you cry? No. You would laugh at them and keep it moving. You can do this same thing now.

You don't deserve this. This is not all your life will be. You can make a decision to move away from this. You do not need this person's approval. This is not love. You will never be able to make it better. Give up.

Make it better with yourself. Define yourself. Live up to the new labels you will now give yourself.

Approve yourself and never allow verbal abuse into your life again.

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It’s Juneteenth! What Have You Done with Your Freedom?

By Kitty K. Free

Juneteenth is a celebration of June 19, 1865, the day the announcement was made in Texas that slavery had been abolished in that state. It’s an official holiday in 41 states, still many people aren’t aware of it. I didn’t become aware of it until I was away at college in Louisiana. I have yet to go to a celebration because the date is honestly not on my radar until it actually comes; which is unfortunate. It’s a date I should celebrate just as I do July 4th. (For more info on Juneteenth go to: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juneteenth#Observation.)

Some will say this is an unnecessary holiday. It’s in the past after all—why bring it up? Every year we celebrate America’s independence from Britain, which is even further into the past. I feel we should have the same fervor of celebration, for this major turning point in our country’s history. There should be no shame, no guilt; just a day of wonderful celebration to acknowledge all of those before us, black and white, the good, and the bad of them, and accept our country’s collective history.

In the scope of history, our journey as Americans has been short. By our, I mean all Americans. Wounds are still open, covered with bandages and band-aids, but without true healing. I think Juneteenth should be used as a step toward that healing for all Americans, but especially for those of us who are the scions of slaves and slave masters. A step towards acceptance and closure. It should also be a time for us that are descendants of Africans who were enslaved in America, to evaluate, on an individual level, just what it is we are doing with our freedom. How are we using the sacrifices of those before us? What are our plans to make the future better for those after us? We are standing on the shoulders of people who fought and died for our freedom; what are we doing with it?

In regards to honoring Juneteenth, this is my first step; acknowledging the holiday, and spreading the word. Next year, I will make it my business to be part of the celebration and I hope you’ll join me.

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Saudi Arabia Women Protest Ban on Driving June 17th

By Te-Erika Patterson

On June 17th courageous women in Saudi Arabia will take to the streets in protest of Saudi Arabia's longstanding ban against women driving. Manal al-Sharif, the organizer behind the Women2Drive protest which began last year after she posted a youtube video of her driving, is now the subject of violent threats against her life.

After posting this video that shows her driving, Manal has been honored by numerous organizations for her bravery in a country that punishes women with public lashing for disobeying cultural rules like driving and not covering their bodies.



According to a report that ran in Women's E News, Manal has stated that she has been taught since she was a child that as a girl she was sinful to expose. She defied that definition last year by organizing a protest that received international attention as 100 men and women in support of Manal's stance on women's liberation in Saudi Arabia got behind the wheel of cars. Two women were reportedly stopped by police and one of them was sentenced to a public lashing which was never carried out because she went into hiding.

My Savvy Sisters stands behind Manal al-Sharif and her efforts to quell the attack on women's freedom and personal development in Saudi Arabia. To show your support please visit the Women2Drive facebook page and follow this developing movement.

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Reader Mail: Your Videos Are My Remedy

Hey, Te-Erika :)

I just have to let you know that you have become a huge inspiration to me. Your videos have brought me such immense peace and hope. I'm coming to the end of a huge struggle in my life and your videos have been a remedy to my state of mind and the way that I choose to tackle my circumstances.

This transitioning phase in my life has not been smooth sailing and it has been incredibly helpful and empowering to have your blunt, yet soothing honesty and motivation right along with me through that. I really just want to say thank you so much for that. It means so much and if I ever get the opportunity to repay you for that, I won't hesitate. I hope that you never feel your videos and your huge humanitarian-psychological effort isn't unappreciated because it really is and I can't be the only one who feels this way. Finding your youtube channel has been a huge stepping stone for me and my progress and I am just so deeply grateful that there is someone selfless and considerate enough to spend so much time pouring insight, encouragement, empowerment, healing, and advice into strangers.

Stay wonderful :)

A. Smith

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3 Tips For Disputing a Credit Card Charge

By Ashyiah Hill

Disputing a credit card charge can save you money when a purchase goes awry or when someone uses your card without your permission. However, the process of disputing a credit card charge can be a little complicated. Plus, when you dispute a charge, it's often an all or nothing situation. You'll almost always either get all your money back if the credit card company decides in your favor, or none of it if the company decides in favor of the vendor.

Whether you're dealing with goods that haven't been delivered, cancelled travel plans, or an unauthorized charge, these three tips will help you in your credit card dispute:

Know the Rules in the Fair Credit Billing Act

Obviously, you've got to understand what protection you have under the law before you know how far to take the credit card dispute process. Under the Fair Credit Billing Act, many different types of disputes are covered. Here's a list of what you can dispute according to this law:

• Unauthorized charges: You're only responsible for up to $50 for unauthorized charges, and some credit card companies limit your liability to $0 in their own contracts.
• Non-delivery: If you're charged for goods or services that were unacceptable, weren't delivered at all, or weren't delivered as agreed, you can dispute the charge.
• Errors: Charges that involve mathematical errors or that list the wrong date or the wrong amount can also be disputed.
• Failure to pay: If you've returned an item successfully but the vendor doesn't post payment to your credit card, you can dispute the original transaction.
• Failure to bill: If your creditor gets your change of address in writing before a billing period ends but fails to send your bills to the right address, you can dispute their charges.

These rules offer more protection in some areas than in others, and for the most part, credit card
companies get to decide whether you or the vendor who is charging you is in the wrong. For instance, if you buy furniture that is delivered months late, the credit card company could negate the charge because the goods were not delivered as agreed, but they could also rule in favor of the vendor because the furniture was eventually delivered.

Check with the Vendor First

Because a credit card dispute is an all or nothing proposition, you may need to go to the vendor first to try to work out your problems with them directly. Often times, instead of getting a full refund, you'll get a certificate for future services or products, or you may even get a partial refund.

Unless the charge is very large and the process of disputing it is financially high stakes for you, checking with the vendor can be a better option. When you work directly with a vendor, you may get something back. If they won't work with you at all, then you can go to the credit card company in hopes that they'll help. But if you go directly to the credit card company and they rule in favor of the vendor, you won't get anything back, and you won't have anywhere else to turn except, possibly, and expensive lawsuit.

File it as a Fraudulent Charge if at all Possible

Any time there are unauthorized charges on your credit card, make sure you file them as such. The law offers more protection for unauthorized charges, whether they're from a thief or from your teenager who swiped your card to pay for an online purchase or even from a vendor who charged you for services or goods you didn't ask for. Of course, you should never be fraudulent yourself by saying that a charge was unauthorized if it was authorized by you, but if you can file the charge this way, you'll get more protection and, often times, a better response from your credit card company.

Know Your Credit Card Provider

One thing that you should always check out when looking at credit card reviews to try to find the best possible credit card for your needs is the company's records of settling disputes with customers. While a credit card company may not openly share these exact statistics, you may look at reviews from other consumers who have worked with the company on disputes. At the least, you want to make sure that the credit card company you choose works with customers courteously and is easy to file a dispute with.

Disputing a credit card charge takes some time, and it needs to be done in writing. But it can definitely be worth it if it saves you money on goods and services you didn't receive as promise or charges you didn't authorize.

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How My Village and I Fought Mesothelioma

By Heather Von St. James

At one point or another, I’m sure you’ve heard the old phrase “it take a village” during times of hardship. While it may be thrown around a lot, I’ve recently come to realize that this phrase is very true.

On August 4, 2005, my daughter, Lily, was born after a pregnancy, which, with the exception of a C-section, was relatively uneventful. Throughout this process, however,
our “village” surrounded my husband and me. It included my parents, his family, and our many friends. While the aura of the delivery room that day was one of celebration, joy, and excitement, there was a dreadful storm on the horizon.

A month or so after I returned to work, I began to feel tired, breathless, and completely devoid of energy. While these symptoms are often attributed to being a new mom, I still felt as if something was wrong. Playing it safe, I decided to schedule an appointment with my doctor to see if everything was alright. After a myriad of tests and procedures, I found that my symptoms weren’t that of motherhood, but of something much worse.

On November 5, 2005, I was diagnosed with malignant pleural mesothelioma. Affecting the lining of the lung, pleural mesothelioma is usually caused by exposure to asbestos. After a little
research, I found out that I had been unknowingly exposed to it as a child. Since then, it had
remained dormant in my system, only to rear its ugly head 30 years later.

My prognosis was very grim. If I didn’t seek treatment, I would have only 15 months to live. The first thing that came to mind, however, was the thought of my husband and daughter being all alone. This thought made me realize that we had to do whatever it took to rid me of my cancer.

As a result, my husband and I decided to take the most drastic move, which was to seek
treatment from specialists in Boston. Leaving Lily behind in South Dakota with her grandparents, my husband and I flew to Boston so that I could undergo a form of treatment known as an extrapleural pneumenectomy. The procedure required the removal of my left lung, followed by 18 days of recovery in the hospital. This would be followed by an additional two months of recovery, along with chemotherapy and radiation treatments shortly thereafter.

Despite the hardships, I eventually walked away from my fight completely cancer-free. However, I couldn’t have done it without my village. Family and friends from all parts of our lives not only came to us in our time of need, but also helped my parents raise Lily. During our stay in Boston, my husband and I made many new friends who were just as supportive. Without all of the support and love, I probably wouldn’t be here to tell this story.

Knowing how fragile life can be, we as a family try to embrace everything life throws at us, be it
good or bad. While the bad things can truly be horrible, a lot of good can still come from them.



Heather Von St James is a 43-year-old wife and mother. Upon her diagnosis of mesothelioma,
she vowed to be a source of hope for other patients who found themselves with the same
diagnosis. Now, over 6 years later, her story has been helping people all over the globe. She
continues her advocacy and awareness work by blogging, speaking and sharing her message of hope and healing with others. Check out her story at the Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance Blog.

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The Rebuild Your Life Project - Los Angeles

The Rebuild Your Life Project- Los Angeles is now underway. This year's empowerment outreach for women will teach them how to move to a new city and rebuild their lives. The subscribers of MySavvySisters.Com voted and the publisher of MySavvySisters.Com will move to the city of Los Angeles this June and rebuild her life while raising money to offer a $4,000 grant to a woman in need.

To view the complete list of videos that are being filmed, edited and uploaded in REAL TIME on youtube please visit the Rebuild Your Life Project- Los Angeles page. Here you will find the first videos in the series as Te-Erika explains how she plans to move to a city she has never visited and rebuild her life.

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The Elvie Show: Rescue Your Brand With Social Media

The Elvie Show is an uplifting and eye opening web series that teaches rising stars how to succeed in Hollywood. Now more than ever people are living online and the internet could either make or break your career. Elvie believes that by redesigning their social media sites to more accurately reflect their true brand combined with a strategic plan of action success is not only possible it’s inevitable.

In order to create a new Strategic Plan of Action Elvie has an honest conversation with each guest to find out their goals/obstacles/gifts/passions and then she views all of their social media sites to see if their goals reflect their site's perception. From the information she gathers she is able to make an accurate assessment and offer unique advice to each guest.

With two guests appearing every week from different genres of businesses, the millions watching can have the opportunity to learn from Elvie and succeed.

"I've been asked to do many TV shows and I've declined because I always want to make sure that what I do uplifts others," Elvie said. "I am very excited to do this show because everyone wants to know how to make it in Hollywood and through this platform I will be able to help so many for FREE and they will get amazing exposure!"

The 10 episode (5 week) web series will premiere on Wednesday June 20th at 2:00PM EST and 2:00PM PST. Two 7 minute episodes will premiere each week and will be posted on The Elvie Show Facebook Fan Page.

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REVIEW: SlideRocket Presentation Software

From Résumés to Business Promotions: Ten Reasons to Get SlideRocket in Your Life!

By Kitty K. Free

I was introduced to SlideRocket by a friend on Facebook, who shared it for its use as a “présumé”, which is a presentation resume. He showed three samples of some awesome présumés. They were Powerpoint presentations, but were created online, through the SlideRocket.com website, and that’s where they are stored. I immediately saw the potential of its use and created my own attention grabbing slide, the same day. I put the slide together in a snap. Using their “build” tool I made words and images leap off the screen. The hardest part was gathering the content I wanted to use, but once I had that figured out, I was a go! I know lots of authors, artists, musicians, and others that are constantly looking for exciting and new promotional tools. This is a great, simple to use, yet sophisticated, tool that will make your story pop!

1. Supremely easy to use. I mastered it after about 15 minutes of playing. The latest version of Powerpoint is pretty easy – this is even easier! Even creating an account is easy. Just enter your email address and a password and you’re in. You don’t have to go check your email to confirm, then click the link to go back to the site.

2. Premade templates, or you can create your own, which is about as simple as using the premade.

3. You can immediately share your presentation with the world, using their “Go Public Link” and “Get Embed Code” options, which you can just copy and paste to Facebook, Twitter, etc.

4. Easy to add social sharing tabs for Facebook, Twitter, and Google.

5. There’s an option to keep presentations private, so that you can share it with specific people only.

6. Cloud style storage so you can access your presentations anywhere. I say cloud-style, because I haven’t seen the word “cloud” used to describe the storage on their site.

7. You can track how many people have viewed your presentation, and from what city, on the site, and have the option to receive an email whenever it’s viewed.

8. Viewers can leave comments, so it’s great for interacting with your audience. There’s also an option to add a survey.

9. You can record you own voice, audio, and add videos to your presentation with ease.

10. It’s FREE! At least SlideRocket Lite is free. It says it’s for non-commercial use, and has pretty much all of the same tools as SlideRocket Pro, which is $24 a month or $240 for a year.

I highly recommend this product for anyone looking for a new and exciting way to show the world who they are. Here’s my SlideRocket, tell me what you think!

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The Hidden Symptoms of Breast Cancer and How to Reduce It

By Cathy Halls


There are many abnormalities that a woman might experience having to do with her breasts, but often, many don’t think that it’s anything to worry about. Here’s what you need to know about weird, painful or scary developments.

1. Breast Shape
The first symptom to look out for is a change in the shape or size of your breast. If this happens, a woman could have a tumor that is growing deep inside of her breast tissue. Therefore, always be looking for changes. Face a mirror and move your arms around so that you can see different angles of your breasts. Also, pay attention to whether or not it suddenly feels tighter than it previously did.

2. Pain in the Armpit
When a woman has a lot of pain underneath her arm, a doctor should have a look at it. This is because this is the first place that breast cancer develops. Usually, a woman can check for these symptoms with their fingertips very carefully. If a woman finds a lump that seems to be hard, and it will not move, this could be a sign of breast cancer. Also, the tissue under a woman's arms could be very dense compared to the tissue under the other armpit.

3. Changes in Nipples
If a woman starts to notice changes in her nipple, she should be alarmed. Since a tumor can change the appearance of the nipple, this is a big sign. Your nipple can also become inverted or flatter than it normally would be, compared to the other nipple. Plus, the nipple may be a lot more sensitive than normal. The nipple could also have blood coming out of it - if this doesn’t alarm you, I don’t know what will.

4. Sore Breasts
The fourth major symptom is when a woman's breasts become very sore or red. In fact, the skin on a breast might be very hot and irritated when touched. This is often a sign that the woman has inflammatory breast cancer. It’s the only type of breast cancer that is going to cause a woman's breast to become red and sore at the touch. The skin of the breast could also get dimples, along with some purplish areas that look like bruises.

5. Upper Back Pain
Most of the time, back pain is going to happen way before any of the other symptoms of breast cancer appear. The pain usually occurs between the shoulder blades. A lot of times, a woman is going to mistake this upper back pain for a pulled ligament or just sore muscles. This is going to be especially true if you do a lot of exercise. Don’t be fooled, get it checked out!


Reducing Breast Cancer

Nothing can totally prevent breast cancer, but studies have suggested that there are a few things that a woman can do to reduce the chances of getting it. The first thing is to limit the amount of alcohol that she drinks on a daily basis. Also, control your weight. Make sure you get plenty of physical activity on a daily basis, and also, believe it or not, breast feed when you have a baby. Lastly, avoid any kind of hormone therapy.

Cathy Halls writes about health, finance & saving money at www.dentalinsurance.net.

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EDITORIAL: A Change Is Coming

By Christina Fermin
Politics and Society Columnist

I read the news every day. I try to access various different news agencies via the web, sometimes referring to the corporate owned media. One thing that I notice is the massive protests that take place at least once per week. I have been an avid news reader for many years, always curious to know what is happening in the rest of the world and it baffles me to see the amount of people rise against the oppression and stand up to their governments and regimes and demand change. Indeed the world is changing and as you turn on the state owned or corporate owned media, more and more they write off these protests as nothing. What’s worse is that they write off the protests as if the people have no legitimate reason for protesting.

The world is changing and there are many forces at work. More than you or I will ever understand. We are fed sound bites and clippings of what we are allowed to know by the powers that be. The people are tired and they are waking up every day to the corruption, injustice and poverty in which they live. Many times, we living in America look with pity, but the truth is that every day more people here in the States are protesting. From students to your average Joe the plumber to senior citizens who understand the trouble this country is in. While many will look at these protesters and believe they have nothing to protest about or whisper under their breath, ‘get a job.’ These people have not only a valid reason to protest, they have a Constitutional obligation to protest against the injustice that prevails.

We are fed sound bites to keep us enslaved into a system that many of us are waking
up and realizing is horribly unfair. The world is vastly different than it was 50 years ago, and to believe that we must go back to traditions and a time when things were simpler is ludicrous. There is no turning back because the past is exactly that, the past. There is only moving forward toward the future. How that future will be is entirely up to us, the people. No matter how our collective future pans out, one thing is certain we will create the future by banding together or separating ourselves, which is what the 1% want. The world is changing and it is a good thing. No reason to fear or worry, as long as you do your part to make sure the future is better for future generations, then all will be well.

Whatever your belief system is, one thing is certain, change is on the horizon. How that change comes is entirely up to us. We have seen what happens to the world when the bottom line is profit. Money breeds corruption, power and insanity. While some may agree and others will disagree, it is possible to create a society without money. Our social problems are symptoms of a more complex larger problem rooted in the way our current society is structured. Power, money, sex, fame and fortune; reworking these values is the first step in creating a more cohesive, fair, just society that can function in a state that serves the needs of the whole. A society where the bottom line is to end suffering, preserve human rights and assist in the advancement of human civilization.

Our first step is acknowledging the failure of politics, society, institutions and economic systems. Once this is acknowledged you must release the fear, when the fear is released it will give way to the creativity that will allow each of us to express our wishes for a society that is more inclusive, supporting, alive and loving. If you cannot imagine a society without money, power and a hierarchical system than you have some work to do. The time of change is upon us, our ancestors from around the world have warned us and there is nothing to fear. Change is good and change is desperately needed, now more than ever. As the uncertainty draws upon, please remember to let go of the fear and replace that fear with love, understanding and acceptance.


About the Columnist


With a bachelors degree in political science from Florida Atlantic University, Christina Fermin has always cultivated her love for history, politics, sociology, ancient knowledge and teachings, the outdoors, the ocean and the environment. Christina strives to make our world better by helping us all create a new reality and understanding of all taking place here and now. You can reach her at Christina@MySavvySisters.Com

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3 Self-Defense Moves Women Need to Know

By Veronica Chase

With crime rates across our nation escalating, it is vital that everyone know how to protect themselves, especially women. While not every person needs to carry a gun for self-defense every woman should know a few basic self-defense moves. This way, should she ever become the victim of an attack, she will quickly be able to respond and protect herself. The following are three moves every woman should know.

1. Get the Eye
Just as the title states, this move does in fact mean to take an eye out. This doesn’t mean just to scratch at an attacker’s eyes or to claw at their face, but to absolutely without a doubt aim for their eye and go after it with a vengeance. To do this move, you need to actually take a finger and directly stick it into your attackers’ eye. Once you have your finger buried into their eye socket move your finger across the socket area. Such a move is going to cause your assailant some serious pain and discomfort and this will buy you the needed time for you to escape attacker and get away to a safe location.

2. Take the Jewels
Yep, we are referring to the family jewels here. Most of the time, an attacker is going to be male and we all know that male testicles are extremely sensitive and it is painful when they suffer a jarring blow. The issue with this technique is that while it is easy to try and hit the area, you may find that the attacker quickly blocks any hits to the area. With that in mind, try to up or down to get them. If you can, grab them and scream until you feel or hear a pop and then when your attacker slides to the ground in agony, make a run for it.

3. Don’t Forget the Ears
This is a move that definitely needs to be practiced. Make sure that you understand exactly how to carry it out. First, open your hands and cup them, just as if you were clapping at a football game. Then, slam them against your attackers’ ears. Sounds silly, right? Well, this action can cause your attacker to become extremely disorientated and in some cases, even cause excruciating pain from ear damage. Make sure that your hands are cupped so that when you slap your offender’s ear, a burst of air is forced into their ear canal.

These are all wonderful, but in general, you should also make sure that you are aware of your surroundings and try to prevent being out alone. In doing so, you are then lowering the likelihood of being attacked at all. However, also arm yourself with the tools needed to defend yourself should an attack happen. Learn the three moves mentioned and practice them until they are rooted in your mind.

Veronica Chase writes about safety, self-empowerment & saving money at www.homeownersinsurance.org.

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