Day 13: I Am Wiped Out

Today I went out vending with the number one vendor here at the shelter. Vending means selling the Homeless Voice newspaper although there's no real set price. People can give as much as they'd like or they can get one for free if they want.

I hear there's a firm competition with the vendors here. Every day you come home from work someone asks, "How much did you bring in?"

It's annoying to me because I am not competitive but for others, it's their pride and joy. Vending is not as easy as it looks. The ones who bring in the big bucks have a specific strategy for selling. Others just stand around and hope someone gives.

I use my personality like I did when I was a waitress and I usually make good money. A percentage of the money we collect is given back to us so the more you work, the more money you can put away in savings. I hear if you don't have a bank account, the shelter will save the money for you.

I couldn't work the entire day. It was way too hot and my arm was hurting from all the change I collected during the morning. My legs were burning and so were my lips. My shoulder was in pain too. I felt like a wimp as I watched my "co workers" fly up and down the median all day long as though they had no problem. They were all considerably older than I am and I felt like such a punk for quitting early because I couldn't take the sun beaming down on me anymore.

The lead vendor is around 50 years old. I'll call her Kelly. Kelly says she has been living at the shelter for 3 years after kicking an addiction to crack.

She said the shelter saved her and gave her something productive to do with her time. Instead of using her intelligence and street skills to get more money for drugs, she now saves and enjoys her life as a vendor bringing in nearly $400 a day.

She said she hit rock bottom when she was living on the streets and a police officer picked her and her husband up and brought her here.

She said she and her husband used to own their own home but the addiction got the best of them and they began selling everything to get more drugs. They even sold their home.

But all of those memories are fading away now and Kelly is much better.

I'm tired. I had to wash up in the bathroom tonight and now I'm sitting on my mat. I'm sure I'm about to go to sleep at any time but it's still very loud on the patio where I sleep.

Oh! Good news!

Two of the vendors came to me today to say that they had received large donations from people who said they saw me on the news and wanted to give.

"This one guy said you were awesome!" someone told me. "He chased me down to ask me about you and to give a donation."

Isn't that awesome?!!!

I did meet a man while I was donating today who screamed out, "You're the lady from the news!"

I smiled and walked over to his car and he gave me $2.

I would write more but my body is aching and I am tired.

I really can't wait until this project is over. I fantasize daily about sleeping in a bed again.

A big bed. With clean sheets. A nice hot shower.

My sons.

My laptop.

You know, the best things life has to offer.

I can't wait.

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REBUILD: Grateful for the Shelter

This is a homeless shelter.

As much as I have complaints about not having privacy or being comfortable I can not really complain because I am grateful to be here. It could be worse. I could be under the expressway.

Here I get 3 meals a day. I am gaining weight because of eating so much. Here the cigarettes are priced very low and I am able to earn money as a vendor. The people here are friendly for the most part and they share what they have.

Since being here I have seen people be kicked out and days later I see them wandering the street looking hungry and sad. The man I featured in my documentary episode 15 was kicked out today. He says it was because he bought a needle for another resident and the resident snitched. Others say it is because he won't stop drinking. There is a no drinking and no drug policy here. If you are caught under the influence you must leave immediately.

In most cases the owner will allow the person to come back after a few days and they DO come back in off the street.

I am grateful to be here. They treat me well and I am safe. I eat ec

Today I actually looked forward to seeing some of the people here. I hang out with one guy, his name is Chris. He follows me to videotape my stories and some others like Habib, which is not his real name but he looks Indian although he is dominican and guayanese. We sit around and talk when I'm not writing.

Tonight its 10pm and no one has gone to bed yet. The shelter is full. They are not allowing anyone else in. A family came to stay but they had to turn them away. Dinner was so good tonight. We had steak and potatoes and corn and cake.

That food was sooo good that EVERYONE was licking their lips afterwards. I was too! Everyday is not a nightmare but everyday is eventful.

I walked to the park to take a nap today, just to get away. I was frustrated because none of the businesses I'm calling are calling me back and I have no idea how I'm going to get 30 businesses.

I tried to shake off the frustration of the project by taking a nap but I woke up to a police officer in my face telling me that I can't sleep there. Annoyed I moved to another spot and filmed this video.



Then I walked back to the shelter, the only place that welcomes me.

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Day 11: I Am Not Mentally Ill

I spent 3 years in graduate school studying to become a counselor. I didn't choose to study mental health counseling because I didn't like the idea of pathology and categorizing people with mental illnesses that to me, were just a different way of thinking and viewing and interacting with the world.

I loved my program, well, the things we studied and the assignments. The part I didn't love was the actual JOB- the sitting in an office part. It made me sick literally. I didn't like interacting with the professors or the administration either. That part scared me- the thought of finishing the program, becoming a counselor for decades and ending up like them in that kind of environment. I'm glad that fear is behind me.

Now that I am here at this shelter, I have encountered actual mentally ill people and it startled me quite a bit. I hated that label 'mentally ill' only because most people who don't understand me call me mentally ill. Maybe I was mentally ill at some point because I battled with depression, suicidal thoughts and feelings of hatred for myself.

These feelings stemmed from the fact that I knew I had so much to offer the world and I was frustrated because I couldn't figure out how to give it. I didn't take the traditional path of taking a job and staying at that job until I got a promotion because I just couldn't keep a job like that. Either my bosses hated me because I wouldn't play the office politics game and feel the fear they want me to feel or I got bored and wanted to move on.

Many people said this was selfish and made me unstable. I remember when I left my job as a secretary of a private school to work at a PR firm my parents were upset with me. "You had it MADE!" they said. "You could have stayed there forever and been okay."

Forever?

Who wants to work a job FOREVER?

Not me!

The thought of it makes me feel anxious and upset.

That's not me!

I am happiest when I am interviewing and writing and celebrating people. I am happiest when I am teaching good habits and exploring people's lives and attitudes. I prosper and have longevity when I do those things, everything else falls away.

I am good at most things. Let me stop lieing, I am GREAT at most things but if it's not fulfilling to me I don't like doing it for long.

I'm not mentally ill, I just see the world differently. Being a BOSS sounds like a better idea to me than retiring from someone's company. I don't understand the FEAR people have of their bosses or losing their jobs or having their bosses dislike them. I don't feel that anyone can hold me back from what is supposed to be mine. I don't have the attitude that most have about life. I don't believe in competition. I don't think I have to fight for anything in life. I feel that I have to show up and do my best and whatever is supposed to be mine will be handed to me. If it's not handed to me then it wasn't meant for me. That's how I feel.

I'm not mentally ill.

I'm just different from most.

I'm hoping my differences will be appreciated one day. I'm hoping they will allow me to eat well and sleep comfortably one day soon.

I'm hoping that my differences, will make a difference one day.

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Confession: I'm Smarter Than My Supervisor

Sometimes My Savvy Sisters aren't perfect. Sometimes My Savvy Sisters break the rules. Sometimes, we need a confessional to release the guilt. This is just the place for it too.

Confession: I'm smarter than my supervisor.

I am way smarter than my supervisor. She breaks down crying whenever there is a crisis and I cover for her. I feel sorry for her so I don't say anything to anyone. I can't wait to leave here.

For My Savvy Sisters: Do you have something you need to confess? Submit your confession to confessions@mysavvysisters.com and we'll post your confession anonymously. Don't worry, we don't judge and we will never tell.

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Get Rid of Your Bad Mood: Start Your Day Over

It's been a rough day hasn't it?

One thing after another after another has affected your spirit and you can't seem to raise yourself up out of your funk.

There is one thing you can do-

Start Your Day Over

Pretend at this moment that you just woke up and you have the ability to start your day over fresh.

POOF!

It's done.

It happened.

Everything that upset you "yesterday" can only affect you today if you allow it to. If the remnants of that disappointment still lingers you can decide what you can do about it and make that first move or decide to let it go and move forward with the rest of your responsibilities.

It's your CHOICE to stay in a bad mood. It's your CHOICE to continue to replay those negative memories over and over again.

You are CHOOSING to feel badly because somehow you like feeling that way.

Choose BETTER thoughts to think RIGHT NOW.

What makes you smile?

What problems have you solved recently?

What can you be proud of today?

Choose your FOCUS and CHANGE YOUR MOOD.

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Creating A New Beginning

It’s time. You’re ready. You can begin today. In order to move forward from the mess of your past you must choose a new beginning. For different people this will mean different things but the process to initiating this important goal is the same for everyone.

Forgive Yourself

There were certain choices you made that you weren’t so proud of. It may be that you have characteristics that you wish you could change or maybe you hurt someone or yourself and you have been riddled with guilt ever since. It is very important that you take this moment to …forgive yourself. You do not have to get it right every time. Life is a learning process. You are allowed to get it wrong sometimes. You are allowed to grow and evolve into a more mature person. That mistake you thought you made, wasn’t your last chance to get it right. Do it again. Make a different decision. It’s okay. You are still okay. You have another chance. Forgive yourself.

Decide That Everything Is A Good Thing

Your perception of events and circumstances is truly up to you. You give definition to what is deemed ‘good’ or ‘bad’. You define it. You decide that (insert situation) is a BAD situation. You can also decide that (insert circumstance) is a GOOD circumstance. It is all in your perception of your life. Do you believe that you have the best future ahead of you and today is just a building block toward that? If you don’t believe that, you may start now. Every belief is a choice. If you believe you are doomed forever, you will be. Decide that everything that happens is a GOOD thing. For all you know, that job loss may be setting you up to march into your brightest destiny. In fact, IT IS! I promise you. Nothing that happens permanently damages your future. You can still create the best life for yourself through ANY situation. Everything that happens and has happened in your past…is a GOOD thing. You can STOP being a victim of life if you choose. How can you be a victim if everything is a good thing? Make your choice today.

Create Miracles Everyday

There are certain people who go through life believing that everything is an omen of death and destruction. They lead very limited existences, dodging intimacy with others, searching for validation for their destructive beliefs. They find it in everything too. Their car breaks down and they break down with it. A treasured friend walks out of their life and they immediately believe they are un loveable. If it is so easy to believe in omens of disaster, you can certainly believe that everything is a miracle and search for your personal miracles everyday. Miracles don’t have to be equated with parting the red sea or a tree growing in the desert. Miracles are the blessings you receive when you need them. Miracles happen in each smiling face you encounter, in each act of love you share. Your entire life is a miracle. You wake up. You use your body. You think, speak and hope. Who put all of those functions together? Your ability to breathe is a miracle. Your life is a miracle. Look out for them, everyday in everything. Honor them in every way you can. Understand that you create more miracles by acknowledging the ones that are already there.

You have a certain kind of magic within you. You may now go forth as a new person, with a new perspective and change your destiny.

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EDITORIAL: Seeking A Cap & Gown

By Erika Martin

Education Columnist

Getting a high school diploma at the age of 34 can be daunting for some. Others see it as a exciting challenge. For me, it was the challenge and satisfaction that I was looking for, along with being able to get something that was denied to me when I was in my teens.

When I was 14 years old, my parents pulled me and my siblings out of public school to home-school us. It was not done for educational reasons, but for strange and conservative religious reasons. I finished all of my schooling through the 12th grade, but because of my parents' religious beliefs, they didn't believe that women should go on to get a higher education or that they should work outside the home. They stopped reporting to the state and keeping a portfolio of my schoolwork at the beginning of my senior year so anything I would have done would not have been recognized by the state. In giving my sister and me homemade diplomas and denying us state recognized high school diplomas, it perpetuated their beliefs that a woman's place was in the home.

I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason and that things happen in the right timing. As I have come through my own spiritual journey and healing from my spiritually abusive past, as well as battling depression, this year has been the awakening for dreams that were unrealized. The timing and the desire for my high school diploma lined up and I knew that it was something I needed to pursue this year. So much about this year has been about reclaiming things that were taken away from me. My high school diploma has been one of those.

Over the years, I have come to find that I have a deep passion to see women freed from oppressive and abusive situations. Throughout my years of depression and finally working with a therapist to process my past, I realized that I wanted to go into the field of psychology. I knew that I would need a GED or high school diploma to be able to pursue a higher education in this field and this is what started my journey for my diploma.

People have asked me why I chose to pursue a high school diploma instead of a GED. For me, the high school diploma was a bigger challenge than the GED program. Where the GED has only a preliminary test and a final test, the high school diploma program has 5 large projects that need to be completed according to state-set standards. I have always loved school work, filling in the blanks, research, etc., so this was a deciding factor for me. The biggest deciding factor, though, was that I would be able to graduate at the local high school with the Class of 2011 and I would finally get my cap and gown ceremony.

I have had people tell me that the cap and gown graduation is overrated, but when it is something that has been denied to you, it's not as overrated as one might think. It takes on a whole new meaning and feeling of satisfaction that those that have graduated during their senior year feel. I have learned not to invalidate the feelings that are behind pursuing the things I want. There is power behind those feelings and reasons for them. When the emotions are so powerful, I listen to them and let them lead me. It's no different with the feelings I have behind getting my high school diploma. Overrated as people may feel it is, it's not to me and that is what matters to me.

About the columnist:

Erika Martin was withheld from attaining her high school diploma and a higher education due to living in a spiritually abusive upbringing. She is currently working towards attaining her high school diploma and plans to pursue a degree in Psychology after graduation this June. Erika will highlight relevant news and information that relates to education as well as chronicle her journey toward her diploma.

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Day 9: Meet The Homeless Voice Residents

63-year-old Peggy is a Paiyote Indian from Las Vegas. In order to prepare her and her 14 brothers for a wide range of experiences both on and off of the reservation, she was raised half of her life on the reservation and the other half as part of American culture.

Despite her father's best efforts, at 20 years old Peggy found herself in the intensive care burn unit after her husband set her and their home on fire and left her for dead. She didn't die. She survived in spirit and continues to thrive in heart.

After living for nearly 3 years at the Homeless Voice Homeless shelter Peggy says, "I wake up every morning and I take a breath. The Great Father has given me another chance to make it right."

"Whether it's 5 days, 5 hours or 5 minutes, He gave me another day and I am grateful for that," she continued. "After living here for so long I learned that I am more patient than I ever thought I was."

Peggy cautions women to take care of themselves in spirit first. "Women need to find out what makes them happy," she says. "If you're not happy within yourself you are no good to anyone else around you."

What makes Peggy most happy about life? "I'm ME!" she shouts emphatically. "I don't allow anyone else to take that away from me. Yes, I get depressed and lonely but I bring myself out of it by making someone else laugh and smile every day."

When I asked Peggy why she didn't allow her past abuse to bring her to a place of permanent despair she said, "I wasn't done with life yet."




Christopher 23, is from Hollywood, Florida and has spent 3 months at shelter. While working as a Homeless Voice vendor Chris dances, smiles and waves like he is at the party of the year. "I talk to people. I flirt with the girls," Chris said with a laugh. "I found myself out there."

Chris credits his roommate Ronnie for his ability to maintain a positive attitude. "My roommate would tell me that to find yourself out there you have to do what you do- you have to be yourself. I try to have fun, because if I don’t, I’m gonna be one sad mofo."

Chris said he wanted to kill himself a couple of times but he moved past that because he talked to the right people and he has hope for his future. Chris was raised in foster homes for the majority of his life. He said the many people who took him in contributed to his positive attitude about life.

“Me wanting to commit suicide was recent, maybe last year. I felt like I wasn’t able to do life," Chris remembered. "Just talking to people that were nice and could give me positive things to think about like the fact that I have a long life to live reminded me that there’s no reason for me to think about killing myself.”

For anyone out there whose life is in shambles and they feel like they can't go on, Chris has an encouraging word, "Why do you hate yourself? Who did what to you that makes you want to kill yourself? You’re a strong man. If I can do it, you can do it. I’ve been through rough times and I'm still standing, smiling and prospering. Being at this shelter, at what seemed like my lowest point, did that for me."

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3 Things You'll Never Be Prepared For When Raising A Teenaged Son

By Brenda Hook

I never really wondered what his teen years would bring, and how things in our relationship would change. I always thought our dynamic of mother and son would always remain the same. I could have not been more wrong. I came home the other day and my 15-year-old son was in his room talking on the phone to a girl. I knew it was a girl because when he heard me come in, he quickly got up from his desk and shut his door.

At that moment I wondered why there isn’t an instruction manual for teenage boys? Being a single mother, I sure wish I had one. Here are the 3 biggest things that I was unprepared for as a mother raising a teenaged boy.

HAVING FUN

One thing you can expect for sure is that once your son’s testosterone starts flowing, he adopts a whole new idea of fun. Last year, I wanted to plan an overnight getaway for me and my son. There was a festival that I thought would be fun to go to, and we could get a hotel room for the night. Just before I was about to book the trip, I was on the phone with my girlfriend, telling her about my plans. I looked up to find my son staring at me like I was crazy. "No way!" he said. "I am not going." My feelings were a little hurt, but it was then I realized that this would just not be fun for him and decided not to go. I have to realize that his idea of fun is going to the mall with his friends, not hanging out with his mama at an apple butter festival.

MOM DOESN’T KNOW ANYTHING

Over the past 6 months, I find myself constantly questioning my intelligence because my son actually thinks I'm an idiot. In fact, he calls me out regularly for several things and talking slang is one of them. Yes son, I do know that 'be' is not a verb. Yes son, I do know what proper English sounds like, and no son, I do not talk to my boss like that. Thanks for pointing that out!

He thinks I have no idea how to properly drive a vehicle or work a cell phone, and of course, I know absolutely nothing about life and to him, I am a complete moron when it comes to what is actually 'cool' these days. I have found that the best way to approach this is to understand that even as a parent, you don't know everything, and if you keep your ears you might even learn a little something from your teenager!

HE HAS HIS OWN STYLE

While I encourage my son’s individuality, I don’t always agree with some of his fashionisto ideas. I have always preferred a preppy or athletic style with a nice fade haircut, so you could probably imagine my reluctance to let him have a mohawk a few summers ago and the grunge look after that, but nothing could have prepared me for him to speak the two words that I thought I would never hear him utter- skinny jeans. Actually, since he is so slim, they look more like regular jeans, thank goodness. But it’s the style, and more importantly, it’s what he chooses to wear and it’s just easier to support it than it is to create a battle over it as this for sure won’t matter 5 years from now.

Sometimes peer pressure and hormones can get the best of your son and the best thing you can do for your son is to know this is all a growing process. A good mom will understand this and watch him grow.

A great mom will grow and evolve with him.

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How to Train (Motivate) Your Man

By Te-Erika Patterson

Originally posted on www.Alphanista.com

Regardless of his personality type, regardless of his race, regardless of his financial status there are really only TWO different types of men that exist; dominant and submissive. If you want to pull your man towards his best life and push him to be on his best behavior at all times, all you have to do is recognize which type of man you have and then train him.

The Dominant Man

The dominant man is recognized by his confidence in his abilities and the way he makes decisions without needing a consensus. He trusts his own judgment and expects you to respect and trust him too. To motivate this man to be his best, take good care of you and his empire you need to:

· Consistently adore him

· Pamper him

· Respect and support his decisions

· Remind him that he is a King

· Make his home his paradise

· Stay sexy and eager to please

· Feed him

· Be his biggest cheerleader

The dominant man will appreciate a woman who is submissive and plays a role that completely caters to his needs and wants in life. He will probably have a big bark, yelling out orders and throwing his weight around but he does still love you. He exercises his authority aggressively both in the office and at home and it makes him feel like more of a man to have his lady looking sexy and consistently ready to please, without an attitude or objection.

The Submissive Man

The submissive man is recognized by his constant need for reassurance. He needs your approval before he does anything and he adores affection and being petted. He doesn’t really know how to be dominant and he doesn’t want to be. He needs a woman to make him be a better man by:

· Questioning his decision making

· Making him earn home cooked meals

· Rationing out sex as a reward for good behavior

· Punishing him by making him sleep on the couch (or kicking him out the house)

· Belittling him by reminding him that his life would be nothing without you

· Never giving oral sex unless it is your anniversary or he does something outstanding

· Consistently threatening to leave him if he does not meet your expectations

· Constantly critiquing his efforts

The submissive man will appreciate a woman who treats him like a dog because this delights him. Somewhere along the line he was trained to believe that this behavior is indicative of a real woman. He loves a woman with an attitude and would reject any woman who adores him. He has no clue how to be a better man on his own so he needs your aggressive guidance and fully appreciates it.

For More Information on this endeavor, try reading the ebook How To Train Your Man.

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Your World News Report - April 19, 2011

Berlyne Julmis
News Coordinator


A New Castro, A New Era

President Raul Castro has announced new leaders for Cuba’s Communist Party and for the first time in more than a decade Fidel Castro will not be a member. President Castro declared communist leaders should be restricted to two 5-year terms. President Raul Castro is open to discussions and negotiations with the U.S. President Raul Castro in his speech said "The party leadership was in need of renewal and should subject itself to severe self-criticism." Former President Fidel Castro has officially resigned from the Communist Party.
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Nigerian Elections Spark Violence

Results from the Nigerian Presidential Elections spark a rage of violence in the country causing many to flee. Churches, cars, and homes were incinerated in Kaduna and Kano--authorities was forced to levy a curfew. Many lives have been lost and many were injured due to the rise of violence. Supporters of Muhammadu Buhari the losing candidate claims the election was fixed. Current President Goodluck Jonathan has once again won the election and is calling for the violence the end.
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Texas Wild Fires Blaze

Wild fires continue to burn out of control in Texas. Governor Rick Perry of Texas has requested a Major Disaster Declaration for state in his letter to President Obama. Governor Perry said 252 countries are threatened by the wildfires. Many residents have been forced to evacuate and have lost their homes. Smaller fires are igniting; officials have announced that they are being contained. Many firefighters, local and state officials, and volunteers have committed to help cease the wildfires. North of San Angelo Texas 150,000 acre of land is burning—total of one million acres have been affected by raging fires.
http://www.cnn.com/2011/US/04/10/texas.wildfires/index.html

Murder Witnessed on Webcam

Qian Liu was a 23 year old International student who studied English at York University in Toronto Canada was murdered while her boyfriend in China watched her struggle with an assailant at her door. The victim was found ten hours later by police after her boyfriend contacted Qian’s family in Benign who then contacted the Canadian Consulate. The assailant took the laptop and webcam that Qian was using to chat with her boyfriend during the early hours on Friday morning. The assailant is described as a white male between 20 to 30 years of age, 175 to 200 pounds, medium length hair.

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Day 8: Smiling Through

Today was a very long day but I awoke with a smile thinking about how much money I'd come home with after a long day of vending the Homeless Voice Newspaper. Basically, we just take donations for the paper (or the cards they print).

I walk out onto the median with a big jug of water and my bag lunch and my plastic jug for donations and then I walk up to cars in the turning lane and ask for donations. Most people donate but some don't. It's not devastating to get a No because there are 8 other cars right behind it and from each red light SOMEBODY is going to give.

Honestly, after turning in my money today and the shelter taking their cut, I came away with $70 for my pocket. It's almost as much as I made from a full shift of waitressing and all I had to do was smile and wave. I like it just as much. I meet so many people and chat with them and poke fun at them. They laugh and sometimes say, "I'm glad I met you."

That's JUST what used to happen when I was a waitress, except I don't have to deal with carrying 25lb trays. It's hot out there though. I can take as many breaks as I want to, but I rarely do because I like seeing who is in each car and guessing what their relationships are. Whether they are young or old or they give a nickel or $5 I love smiling at them and making them smile back.

OMG! I went up to a car today and it was an old college friend. She looked at me and said, "Te-Erika!" I laughed and showed her my bucket. She put $5 in and we caught up until the light changed. She's married now and has a baby- all the things she always wanted but never thought she could have. I am so happy for her!

Being at this shelter is definitely opening my eyes to a lot of things. My heart grows warm when entire families enter the shelter. Last night two little girls came in with their mother. They smiled and waved at me. In the back a young lady lives in a trailor with her newborn. The owner of this shelter, Sean Canonie takes care of everyone.

People say so many bad things about him. I don't know why. He has dedicated his life to taking care of others and actually LIVES in a little room in the back of the shelter. He has done nothing but he nice to me. I'm actually anticipating the bad behavior. Sorry, it's a habit. I don't expect men to be nice. I curse every man out eventually- It's my tough girl routine.

Running My Savvy Sisters while I'm doing this project isn't as easy as I thought it would be. I'm lagging behing in my editorial and I'm unable to put the effort into profiling women like I was in the past. I'll get it together eventually.

The job fair is still going very slowly. I had another news report done on me today and still no one has called to donate.

I'm not nervous, just tired but I am able to add to my account by working so I'm happy about that.

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