Monday, May 23, 2011

REBUILD: Personality Flaws?

I know for a fact that my personality is different from most inspirational leaders. I'm trying to teach AS I grow, not after I've conquered the battle. Things look a little differently from this perspective and I hope you can appreciate my transparency.

I do not know what I am doing.

Do you REALLY get that?

I'm exactly where you are during your life transition. I'm frustrated. I'm cranky. I'm annoyed. I want out. Today I thought to myself, "Thank goodness the world is round because if it was flat, I'd jump right off the edge."

I am exhausted by this project but really it isn't just a project, it's my attempt to let you in on a period that many go through, one that I've gone through many, MANY times.

Who hasn't?

Who hasn't found themselves right smack in the middle of an extreme transition and looked around wondering what's going to happen next? Who hasn't taken a risk and wondered if it were worth it? Who hasn't tried to make life better for themselves and while in the midst of the transformation felt lonely and unsuccessful. I feel ALL of these things right now.

Yes, I am experiencing some success as the responses from the community becomes greater, however, that still doesn't give me a CLUE as to how I will actually rebuild my own life.

Is that a flaw?

Is my ability to see the big picture, come up with a GREAT idea and then jump in head first not knowing how I'll land some sort of chemical imbalance in my brain?

How did the great leaders do it?

How dare President Obama think that he could make it to the White House when no one of his color had ever done it before?

How dare Harriet Tubman dream of freedom and risk her life to gain it not even knowing if it would be worth it?

How dare Queen Elizabeth forsake her own desire for love and romance for the sake of leading her country?

How in the WORLD did I have the guts to lose everything ON PURPOSE and think I can just rebuild my life like that?

And futhermore, how in the WORLD do I think that I'll be able to TOUR THE COUNTRY by myself with no money and no invitations to speak?

What kind of person does those things?

What kind of person just dreams a big dream and then walks toward it as though it is promised without any kind of support system?

Who the hell do I think I am?

Maybe it's a gift?

I don't know. Whether it's a flaw or a gift, it's all ME.

I had to learn to accept that.




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