Sunday, July 3, 2011

REBUILD: After The Pain Is Gone

I was hurting so much last night that I lost my mind for a minute.

But that's what happens when you're an emotional writer. You write away all the pain. That's also what happens when you magnify your issues. It's a choice to do that, my sister. So let me tell you about my day.

I managed to get about 3 hours of sleep after the security guard at the shelter mentioned that I should buy a pack of Icy Hot bandages. I put one of those suckers on and ooooh weee! I felt so good!

My muscle spasm was still happening but it wasn't nearly as intense. If you want to know how badly I was hurting, imagine being in labor. Yep, that was it!

But it went away quite quickly with that Icy Hot patch on. First it was Icy, then it was HOT. And I fell asleep smiling.

I woke up to the sound of the alarm on my phone and I got dressed quickly to do the 50 minute walk to work. I was blessed that I saw a BUS on Sunday morning and I jumped on that damn bus so it took off about 20 minutes of my walk and then as I was walking the rest I heard someone scream my name and it was one of my co workers at Denny's. She gave me a ride the rest of the way, just as I was about to start sweating.


So I was at work way early and I immediately jumped in helping everyone with their tables until my manager said, "Go in the back and rest, it's not time for you yet." I helped out a little more and then went and ordered a French Slam and ate it.

Then it was my turn and I went and snatched a couple from the front door and sat them in my section. It picked up even more and we were all speed demons serving from then until after 2pm. When it slowed down I had one table left and I spent 30 minutes talking to them. I love that!

I told them about my project and they were eager to hear more. The gentleman told me that he has a side business of internet marketing and wanted to see if I could help him.

"Do you make youtube videos?" he asked.

Um. Do I?

Hell yeah! That's what I do for fun!

I had such a good time serving today that I was all smiles by the time I took the bus back to the shelter. By the time I got back it was dinner time and after I ate I went for a walk and the oldest man in the shelter at 75 years old, joined me.

He's an interesting fellow and I really enjoyed talking and walking with him. We kept running into people from the shelter at the grocery store, walking down the street and at the park. We sat down at The Arts Park and talked for over an hour.

The one thing I realized is that, for the most part, I have had EXCELLENT experiences with the people in the shelter. There have only been one or two people that I would rather not have met but last night I was so into my negative vibe that I magnified it and decided to include everyone.

I do that sometimes, well, mostly with men. But really, now that I'm away from the old nasty, mean man who decided that he didn't want to be around me anymore, I feel happier and I get to hear more jokes and people smile at me and are glad to see me.

That felt so good.

This guy who has been sleeping next to me on the patio even gave me Reeses Pieces peanut butter cups tonight and another man bought me a soda. Now the TV is playing Titanic and I'm waiting for my Mama to call me back. The other night I had a dream that my Mama died and in that same dream I saw other people I know who died too, they came to visit me.

For some reason, when people die, I always have a dream that they come to visit me but all of those dreams aren't pleasant. They still come regardless of whether they want to say goodbye or to scream at me for not doing what they want me to do.

The first time it happened I was just in elementary school and my grandmother died. When I went to sleep she came to see me in my dream and said, "I didn't get a chance to say goodbye." Then she hugged me and smiled and vanished.

I feel like I'm special. I know, I know, everyone is special but I feel like I'm in this experience for a distinct purpose. Like, maybe I have a calling or something.

I don't think I'm supposed to be a nun. If I were I wouldn't have these hankering to be a dominatrix. I feel like I'm supposed to help, I know that. But, I can't quite put my finger on it yet. I don't really feel like I'm helping much with this project yet, but maybe that will change soon.

I'm feeling good and my manager asked me to come in tomorrow on the 4th of July. I'm so happy! I didn't want to have to hang out at the shelter again on a holiday. I've already spent 3 holidays here and it's not much fun although they do barbeque for us.

I'm feeling so good and so free!

Anything could happen. You could feel just like me if you decide not to make your ONE issue so BIG that it overshadows the promise of a better tomorrow. As long as you have another day, things could get better.

And remember THINGS HAVE TO CHANGE in order for you to be able to live out your next dream. If things stayed the same then you wouldn't have room for your wishes to come true.

All change isn't bad. It may seem that way at the time, but it really isn't. All change points you toward a happier YOU.

All my love,




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