Tuesday, April 5, 2011


It's 5 days away and I finally got in contact with Eric Brown, the gentleman who offered me the use of one of the centers he manages in Broward county. I've been waiting for him to get back with me and I find out that he has concerns over the magnitude of the event and wonders if I had considered some of the obstacles that I will face. He says that the event needs insurance and it will be $200. No, I don't have the $200 for the event but I am going to try to raise it and I need to do it today.

If you can give, please do!

My other concern with organizing this event has come down to my personal demons. I don't trust men. I've had a shady past concerning them and everyday I have to go stand in front of them and ask for their support. My heart breaks because deep inside I feel like they don't want to see my success and will stop at nothing to ensure that what I want to happen, doesn't happen.

I'm still a very hurt little girl on the inside but there's a transformation happening too. I haven't completely gotten over the abusive relationships that I have been in but I'm becoming more strong because I no long seek approval or acceptance from men. This still gives me a slight on egde feeling when I am around them. I never feel safe. I always feel like I have to watch out because they are going to try to hurt me in some way.

I don't get past this but I have to. I have to talk to these men. I have to ask for their support. I have to give them a chance to show me who they are instead of assuming they are all the same.

I am hurting. I cried on the phone today and Eric said, "You're cracking now. There are always gonna be obstacles, you better get over that."

I know. I just hate having to ask for help and trusting that others will deliver. That's my biggest problem with working in a team. I hate having to wait for others to do their part.

I have to be strong about this. I am not going to beat myself up because I cried.

I'm a woman. I can do this. I have all the skills necessary. I carried two children in my womb and nursed them at my breasts. I can deal with this. I can handle this.

It's time to start planning and raising money. Once I can pay the insurance for the event, the ball officially starts rolling.

Wish me luck!





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