REBUILD: Who'd Want To Kiss A Homeless Chick?

Today I spent the day at Panera Bread working on my project. I redefined things a bit more and reached out to publications telling them that I can write about what I have learned, asking for a chance to write so that I can earn money as a writer while I continue to fundraise and research.

I'm crossing my fingers but I do have some awesome revelations to share.

After I was done working one of the women here came to me and said, "I have some bracelets a woman gave to me. I think you'd like them."

When she pulled them out of her bag I gasped.

These are sooooo ME!

My eyes lit up!

Oooh! I'll rock these with some bronze hanging earrings, my brown strapless dress that sweeps the floor and open toed heels and I'll wear my gold makeup and look like the African Princess that I am!!!!

Then my heart sank.

You don't have that brown dress anymore.

Your heels are gone.

You have no makeup.

You only have sweat pants and t shirts.

You've gained weight too. Your stomache is pudgy now.

Ugh.

Then I cried again.

This is the first time that I have REALLY missed my old clothes. I was never too into shopping. In fact, most of the things I wore were hand me downs from my friend Marsha who is a shop-a-holic. But I wore those things with pride and I was always so beautiful in them!

I felt like a princess in those flowy dresses with no bra and no panties. I always got compliments wherever I went. I always felt like such a star.

I met a man today.

I'm not usually attracted to men physically because physical attributes aren't what attract me to men but THIS man had that weird vibe and look that makes me laugh so I went up to him and said Hi. He smiled and said Hi back.

"I'm trying to pick you up," I said in my usual straight forward, flirty, aggressive tone.

He smiled and wrote down his number.

"Tonight?" I asked.

"It's mother's day. What about tomorrow?"

I frowned. "Ok, enjoy your family. Tomorrow is fine."

I walked away laughing. I love it when I get what I want.

Then I walked down the street and called my sister and told her I finally met someone I was attracted to.

"What are you going to tell him about being homeless?" she asked.

Oh.

Ugh.

People think homeless people are dirty.

They think we smell.

They think we have germs.

Yesterday I went to visit my Mama and as soon as she opened the door she asked, "Did you bathe?"

I raised my eyebrow. "MAMA!" I couldn't believe she said that.

"Go right to the shower. Here's a fresh bar of soap."

She washed all of my clothes including my sneakers and forbid me to touch anything until after I had washed thoroughly.

I was amused but also confused.

Damn. That's messed up.

I am pretty sun burnt from collecting donations out in the sun. My face is blotchy. I have no make up. My clothes kinda match but not really. I wear comfortable stuff now- not trying to be pretty at all.

Who'd want to date a homeless chick?

I don't care anyway. I have bigger things to do. It's just, well, I don't like being treated like a leper or feeling like I have to apologize for being homeless or explain. I would like a hug. I would like to be touched.

Who'd want to kiss the homeless girl?

With no clothes. No shoes. No makeup. No car. No job. No nothing.

Just a dream, a plan that keeps being revised, and a camera around her neck.

I know I can get more "stuff". I know that. It's just, I miss FEELING pretty.

I do not feel pretty right now.

Posted in: Rebuild Your Life