Monday, August 1, 2011

REBUILD: I Don't Like Him Like That

So I'm in a dilemma.

I met up with an old guyfriend a week or so ago after I had been praying and visualizing that I would meet a friend who would invite me to get rest at their house and it would be comfortable and nice and I would be welcome to hang out whenever I wanted to. I really needed it.

I know that all of my wishes come true so usually after I make a wish I try to look out for its manifestation. Somehow, some signals must have crossed in my inner alarm because when I met that man who offered me exactly what I had been praying for, it turned into him pushing himself on me sexually.

I dealt with that issue and immediately after I ran into an old friend from undergrad. He was actually the FIRST friend I made at college and he was by my side as I became adjusted to being on my own. He and I were the friends with benefits type of relationship back then and when I saw him again he said he still had those same feelings about me.

Before I knew it, he was offering to pick me up from work and let me hang out with him at his place. I accepted because I really, REALLY wanted to rest. I got lots of rest because of him and everyday he calls me wanting to see me. He picks me up from work which saves me cab fare and takes me out to eat and I enjoy his company because he's intelligent.

I do enjoy his company it's just, I don't like him like that.

I don't like it when he wants to cuddle. I don't like it when he tries to kiss me or touch me. I've explained this to him plenty of times and he says he understands. He thinks I'm just afraid to let go. I told him that I have sex when I want, I'm not a priss but I just don't like him like that.

I love going to his house, watching TV, having him drive me around. I appreciate that so much because it's exactly what I prayed for except, I don't like it when he tries to touch me.

I could keep going to his house and enjoying what I need- REST and someone to be sweet to me, but I'm not sure that's fair to him. Although I keep telling him that I don't like him like that, he keeps on trying to touch me.

"I'm not attracted to you," I told him. "I'm attracted to someone else. I don't feel anything when you touch me and I don't like it."

He's quiet for a minute before replying, "Well, where is he?" He asked and then paused. "I'm glad you came over, Tee."

Then he wants to cuddle.

I don't want to.

I don't like him like that.

He's not disgusting. He has awesome conversation and he's very level headed which I like. He's not a bitch, meaning he doesn't gossip, complain or lash out in his emotions. I love that about him. That's very rare in men.

But I have absolutely no attraction to him.

"I know you don't see yourself being with me," he said. "But I know you like chillin with me."

"I do, I just don't like it when you touch me," I explained for the thousandth time.


So here it is. I have what I want but its not HOW I want it.

How much do I sacrifice to get the REST and RELAXATION I need?

Do I allow him to keep TRYING and TRYING and me becoming anxious just to have some quiet time after work?

It's not so bad at the homeless shelter. I love almost everyone there and people are sweet to me, it's just, I need some ME time and some quiet sometimes.

I appreciate this guyfriend but I don't like him like that and he won't stop trying to touch me.

What would you do?

He wanted to see me again tonite so I let him come. I felt so awful about the prospect of him touching me that I told him I can't see him anymore. This means less rest for me but more peace of mind, I guess.

Damn. Why couldn't he want to be a FRIEND?


I like the way this was written, I ended up at this post cause I googled, "I don't like him, but I have sex with him." See, there's a guy I like having sex with, but I don't like him. He uses my home to chill out and relax & occasionally I go to his place on a lake to relax..
I tried to be with Mr. Lake last year and we were on and off for a while. The relationship was not fun and did nothing for my mind, or soul or even spirit.

During an off stint I met someone who is so exceptional, but due to illness is unavailable. Mr. Sick is a perfectly evolved human being, but he is sickly. I don't see him as much as I'd like, but I really like him. He is like a philosopher, a king a bodhisatva! I get more from him in two hours of discussion that I get from Mr. Lake in two weeks!

It is, hpwever, Mr. Lake who sleeps in my bed and eats up my food and drinks up my liquor. Its all carnal, it's about food, and sleep and sex. It's entertaining (to an extent) and physically satisfying.. But I don't like him.
I don't like myself when I am with him.

The more I push Mr, Lake away the closer he tries to get. The more I pursue Mr. Sick, the more Mr. lake calls,
I have realized that that is some man game. I wish I was playing, but when I get annoyed with him, I am truly annoyed.
Anyway, enough of my dilemma.
Sorry you're in a shelter.
I understand your needing help from someone.
I applaud you for your honesty and am happy that the guy isn't forcing himself on you.


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